It has been 3 months and 8 days since we lost our boy, Hardee. Life without him is very hard, still.
I found out tonight that a photo I took of Hardee was selected for the Nutmeg Calendar. It was bittersweet news.
We miss HH so much, and we long for joy in our lives again. How we wish that joy could be Hardee.
Handsome Hardee
We are a patriotic family!
Face of Courage
Face of courage
Friday, August 17, 2012
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Wed., June 6, 2012 - Handsome Hardee: 03-12-2005 - 05-08-2012
Over 4 weeks ago on Tuesday evening, May 8th, at 7:45 pm, our world came crashing down as we held our boy and felt his heart stop. Our house is empty. We are numb, and our hearts seem broken forever. Hardee was our boy, our teammate, our sweet little Bubs, our purpose, our everything. We were unashamedly head-over-heels in love with him, and we will miss him forever.
Hardee came to us at almost 11 weeks of age, the cutest little bundle of dark brown and white ever. He stole our hearts instantly. Some will say HH wasn't a real Portuguese Water Dog because he never counter surfed, never ruined anything that wasn't his, or never got into the trash. We say he was perfect and good. Our kitchen trashcan is only 19" tall, has no lid, and Hardee never got into the trash even when left to free range at 1.5 years old while I was working for 10.5 hours straight. He truly was perfect.
Hardee was our first PWD, our first breed champion, our first performance dog. In between Jim's deployments, he and Hardee trained agility to reestablish their bond. At the age of 3, Hardee starting blossoming when he and Jim started competing in agility. Jim and Hardee only had a couple agility trials under them when Jim deployed again. While Jim was gone, Hardee and I competed in obedience, rally and water. When Jim returned, he became our chief track-layer for tracking, and we both certified as Hardee's handler for his therapy work.
Hardee became our purpose and we tried to show him the best life possible. Hardee loved to train and trial, with agility and water being his favorite venues. His enthusiasm for life was undeniable. Hardee rarely barked, but he could not control himself when it came to something he loved doing. So, he barked while running agility. He barked at the lake or pool while waiting for his bumper to be thrown. He barked on the back of the boat, and he barked while giving chase, whether it be another dog he was playing with or chasing his ball to retrieve. Hardee just loved life, and he made the most of it.
Hardee's purpose was many. He became our teacher, and he taught by example. He taught us all things PWD and introduced us to the strange but wonderful world of dog shows, dog trials, and dog sports. He taught us the depth of a dog's world. He taught us to appreciate the tiniest of accomplishments and to be happy throughout it all. He taught us to live in the moment, and to realize what was truly important. He taught us joy even when faced with overwhelming adversity. He taught us to love life and to live life to the fullest even though that life may be short. He taught us perseverance and to keep that fighting spirit until the end. He taught us what a true hero is.
Hardee was a true water dog to the very end, and he had a fabulous last day. He went for a long, slow ride with his Dad around our neighborhood, without his seat belt, going from window to window with his head hanging out. He had delicious treats for lunch. He swam, jumped, barked, and retrieved his favorite bumper in the pool that afternoon. He came to life in the pool, and the cold water helped to slow the hemorrhaging making our decision that much harder. He had his favorite dinner, burger and fries, and ice cream for dessert. Special thanks goes out to our vet friend who came to our house that evening to help us release Hardee from his cancer.
Many people have helped us along our journey with Hardee. Thank you to you all. Not only have you been a source of information and guidance for us, you have also supported us and lifted us up along the way. Also, thank you to all who emailed, texted, tried to call, sent cards and flowers, generously donated money to the Portuguese Water Dog Foundation, sent condolences on Facebook, etc. I will read and answer them all soon. Thank you for your patience and understanding at this time. Your thoughtfulness and generosity is greatly appreciated, and a testament to the wonderful people brought into our lives through our boy.
We loved Hardee deeply, and he is still ingrained in all we do. We find ourselves still looking for him everywhere, thinking about his food and pill times, reaching for him in our sleep, waking and looking to check his nose right away, etc. We find ourselves still spelling many words or using our shortened versions of words or using our hand signals for words, all because of our super smart boy who watched us like a hawk, listened to our every word, understood what we said, and I swear could read our minds.
Farewell and safe harbors, our sweet Bubs. We will love you forever, and we long for the day when we will be together again. Until then, swim, jump, retrieve, bark, and run all the agility you want at the Rainbow Bridge. The yellow contact zone no longer matters there, so we know that will bring you even more joy. May there be no tables in your agility field to slow you down. Your nose is now healed so you can track once again. I hope you find joy in following all the heavenly scents. Look for us and we will find you again.
On winged paws, nasal cancer free, and still perfect - Happy, Heroic, Handsome Hardee
CH MACH2 Vindouro's Built To Withstand VCD2 RAE MXS MJC MXF T2B THD CWD GROM
The top picture was taken at Hardee's last agility trial a couple days before he passed. The picture of Hardee jumping in the pool to retrieve his favorite bumper was taken only 3.5 hours before he left us for the Rainbow Bridge.
Hardee came to us at almost 11 weeks of age, the cutest little bundle of dark brown and white ever. He stole our hearts instantly. Some will say HH wasn't a real Portuguese Water Dog because he never counter surfed, never ruined anything that wasn't his, or never got into the trash. We say he was perfect and good. Our kitchen trashcan is only 19" tall, has no lid, and Hardee never got into the trash even when left to free range at 1.5 years old while I was working for 10.5 hours straight. He truly was perfect.
Hardee was our first PWD, our first breed champion, our first performance dog. In between Jim's deployments, he and Hardee trained agility to reestablish their bond. At the age of 3, Hardee starting blossoming when he and Jim started competing in agility. Jim and Hardee only had a couple agility trials under them when Jim deployed again. While Jim was gone, Hardee and I competed in obedience, rally and water. When Jim returned, he became our chief track-layer for tracking, and we both certified as Hardee's handler for his therapy work.
Hardee became our purpose and we tried to show him the best life possible. Hardee loved to train and trial, with agility and water being his favorite venues. His enthusiasm for life was undeniable. Hardee rarely barked, but he could not control himself when it came to something he loved doing. So, he barked while running agility. He barked at the lake or pool while waiting for his bumper to be thrown. He barked on the back of the boat, and he barked while giving chase, whether it be another dog he was playing with or chasing his ball to retrieve. Hardee just loved life, and he made the most of it.
Hardee's purpose was many. He became our teacher, and he taught by example. He taught us all things PWD and introduced us to the strange but wonderful world of dog shows, dog trials, and dog sports. He taught us the depth of a dog's world. He taught us to appreciate the tiniest of accomplishments and to be happy throughout it all. He taught us to live in the moment, and to realize what was truly important. He taught us joy even when faced with overwhelming adversity. He taught us to love life and to live life to the fullest even though that life may be short. He taught us perseverance and to keep that fighting spirit until the end. He taught us what a true hero is.
Hardee was a true water dog to the very end, and he had a fabulous last day. He went for a long, slow ride with his Dad around our neighborhood, without his seat belt, going from window to window with his head hanging out. He had delicious treats for lunch. He swam, jumped, barked, and retrieved his favorite bumper in the pool that afternoon. He came to life in the pool, and the cold water helped to slow the hemorrhaging making our decision that much harder. He had his favorite dinner, burger and fries, and ice cream for dessert. Special thanks goes out to our vet friend who came to our house that evening to help us release Hardee from his cancer.
Many people have helped us along our journey with Hardee. Thank you to you all. Not only have you been a source of information and guidance for us, you have also supported us and lifted us up along the way. Also, thank you to all who emailed, texted, tried to call, sent cards and flowers, generously donated money to the Portuguese Water Dog Foundation, sent condolences on Facebook, etc. I will read and answer them all soon. Thank you for your patience and understanding at this time. Your thoughtfulness and generosity is greatly appreciated, and a testament to the wonderful people brought into our lives through our boy.
We loved Hardee deeply, and he is still ingrained in all we do. We find ourselves still looking for him everywhere, thinking about his food and pill times, reaching for him in our sleep, waking and looking to check his nose right away, etc. We find ourselves still spelling many words or using our shortened versions of words or using our hand signals for words, all because of our super smart boy who watched us like a hawk, listened to our every word, understood what we said, and I swear could read our minds.
Farewell and safe harbors, our sweet Bubs. We will love you forever, and we long for the day when we will be together again. Until then, swim, jump, retrieve, bark, and run all the agility you want at the Rainbow Bridge. The yellow contact zone no longer matters there, so we know that will bring you even more joy. May there be no tables in your agility field to slow you down. Your nose is now healed so you can track once again. I hope you find joy in following all the heavenly scents. Look for us and we will find you again.
On winged paws, nasal cancer free, and still perfect - Happy, Heroic, Handsome Hardee
CH MACH2 Vindouro's Built To Withstand VCD2 RAE MXS MJC MXF T2B THD CWD GROM
The top picture was taken at Hardee's last agility trial a couple days before he passed. The picture of Hardee jumping in the pool to retrieve his favorite bumper was taken only 3.5 hours before he left us for the Rainbow Bridge.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Wed., Apr. 18, 2012 - No more therapy visits
Hardee has been on his new antibiotics for one week now, and they are not working. He smells worse than ever, though the drainage seems to be the same. In talking to the vet today, she has stopped all of Hardee's therapy visits. We don't know what bug we are dealing with, and until we can get it under control (if ever), we need to be careful who we let Hardee come in contact with if they have weakened immune systems. With some of the patients that Hardee visits at the hospice facility having compromised immune systems and Hardee having a very compromised immune system, it is just too risky to continue visits according to the vet.
Though we haven't been to the hospice facility for 1.5 weeks now for visits because of how Hardee smells, we will miss it terribly. I loved seeing the patients' and the staff's smiles light up when they saw Hardee. I loved the way our own smiles would light up when we would arrive at the facility. We will miss visiting with the patients and the people we worked with there. We also had a special home hospice patient that we really enjoyed spending time with, and she just loves dogs and loves Hardee. We will miss her also.
Since Hardee himself is on home hospice, I thought the hospice facility was the perfect fit for Hardee's therapy work. It is where we felt at home, and it gave us an opportunity to take our minds off our own troubles. I am so grateful to Nancy at the hospice facility for giving us a chance to do therapy work there, even though she knew of Hardee's terminal cancer and the associated problems that came along with his condition. Thank you, Nancy, for giving us this opportunity. You are great, and we will miss you most. Hardee loved pulling me to your office after our visits were finished to get his treat from you.
Hardee had a successful weekend in agility last weekend. He loved being back and running again. He can run again this weekend if he feels up to it. As always, it is all about joy and all about Hardee. You know we wouldn't have it any other way
Though we haven't been to the hospice facility for 1.5 weeks now for visits because of how Hardee smells, we will miss it terribly. I loved seeing the patients' and the staff's smiles light up when they saw Hardee. I loved the way our own smiles would light up when we would arrive at the facility. We will miss visiting with the patients and the people we worked with there. We also had a special home hospice patient that we really enjoyed spending time with, and she just loves dogs and loves Hardee. We will miss her also.
Since Hardee himself is on home hospice, I thought the hospice facility was the perfect fit for Hardee's therapy work. It is where we felt at home, and it gave us an opportunity to take our minds off our own troubles. I am so grateful to Nancy at the hospice facility for giving us a chance to do therapy work there, even though she knew of Hardee's terminal cancer and the associated problems that came along with his condition. Thank you, Nancy, for giving us this opportunity. You are great, and we will miss you most. Hardee loved pulling me to your office after our visits were finished to get his treat from you.
Hardee had a successful weekend in agility last weekend. He loved being back and running again. He can run again this weekend if he feels up to it. As always, it is all about joy and all about Hardee. You know we wouldn't have it any other way
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Wed., Apr. 11, 2012 - Vet appointment
If these antibiotics don't work to help control the smell coming from Hardee's mouth (where the tumor has busted through the hard palate), we will have to sedate him, get a sample of his nose drainage, and send it off for a culture and sensitivity. The lab will grow what is in his nose and then test for what antibiotic works to kill/control it. Hardee has been on so many antibiotics for so long, we hope there is an antibiotic left that works. We could be dealing with a super bug.
Hardee is still bleeding off and on (mostly on). To control his pain, he gets a pain pill every 4 hours with 2 at bedtime. He's had quite a few reverse sneezing episodes lately that are coming more and more often. He cannot settle when these are happening and has to wander, mostly outside. These can go on for well over half an hour as we follow him around. I have taken to giving him some Valium to help stop the episodes and help him settle down and sleep.
The vet today agreed with me that it is not his time to leave us. She said that every time she has seen him, you would never even know anything was wrong with him. If she didn't already know about his cancer and if she hadn't seen what she did inside his mouth today, she'd have a hard time believing that anything was wrong with him.
Hardee looks great but is a couple pounds over this normal weight, though the vet thought he looked fine. He weighed 50 lbs. today. I thought his weight would come down once we got his thyroid medication at the right dose but that hasn't happened. Could be because we give him whatever he wants because it just doesn't matter anymore.
We are going to SoCal for the first time in 5 weeks for an agility trial this weekend. We are tired of waiting around for Hardee to leave us, and since he hasn't, we've decided to regain some normalcy to our lives and see if he feels up to running. Every time we think the end is close, Hardee rebounds and decides to stick around. We've promised he can run until the end, so if he wants, he can run.
We're still letting the handsome one dictate his path with us. We'll keep him around as long as he wants to stay. We still hope for clarity when the time comes to release him. Until then, we'll make sure it is all about joy and all about Hardee.
Here's some photos of Hardee taken the beginning of March (one with Thompkin, his tortoise). Wishing you all a great weekend!
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Sun., April 1, 2012 - Happy April Fools Day
I have been away from social media for awhile and my main email is broken, so apologies to those who have tried to reach me that way. If you really need to reach me, you'll have to call or text, or email me at my gmail account. Privately, I'm hearing that I need to update the blog so people know how Hardee is doing. I didn't mean to make others worry. I just need some time away right now to spend with my boy.
Hardee continues to endure. He still eats and drinks with gusto and has quality to his life. He has been bleeding for a month now, except for almost a week reprieve about a week ago. During that week he didn't really bleed, we started to build hope again that the Palladia that we had done in Jan. was somehow working. But, the bleeding started again this past Wed. night, and by Friday, was back full force coming from both sides of his nose. During the week that HH didn't bleed much, we took advantage and did many therapy visits. We also took Hardee back to the park with his favorite little person where he followed her down each and every slide.
The smell coming from Hardee's mouth has been back for numerous weeks now. I've tried quite a few different antibiotics, and the ones that worked previously, don't work anymore. Hardee has been on at least 2 different antibiotics, sometimes 3, since Dec. I've added Clavamox into the mix to see what that does, but I think we'll be trying some antibiotics we haven't tried before. It is always trial and error to see what antibiotics work for awhile, then we start over.
Between the drainage coming from Hardee's nose from the infections, and all the bleeding, I couldn't take his longer hair anymore so Thursday I chopped it all off. I chopped all the hair from his head too, so he looks horrible! They won't even recognize him at the hospice facility where he does therapy. I barely recognize him! When Hardee leaves us for the Rainbow Bridge, I wanted him to go with all his long handsome hair, but it really doesn't matter anymore.
Jim and Hardee missed not attending the National Agility Championship held in Reno, NV this weekend. They've been invited 2 years in a row, but because of Hardee's cancer they have not been able to attend. Hardee did break back into the "top 5" of Portuguese Water Dog in the nation for the Agility Invitational over a month ago. Currently, Hardee is ranked #4. We are still amazed at our fantastic working dog and his will to live while doing what he loves.
Though we wish it was an April Fools joke, we have formulated a plan for when it is time to release Hardee from his cancer with a vet friend. She has been a huge help to us throughout Hardee's cancer, and I do not know what we would have done without her, especially lately. She has our appreciation and our thanks.
Deservedly so, it is still all about joy and all about Hardee. Somethings will never change.
Hardee continues to endure. He still eats and drinks with gusto and has quality to his life. He has been bleeding for a month now, except for almost a week reprieve about a week ago. During that week he didn't really bleed, we started to build hope again that the Palladia that we had done in Jan. was somehow working. But, the bleeding started again this past Wed. night, and by Friday, was back full force coming from both sides of his nose. During the week that HH didn't bleed much, we took advantage and did many therapy visits. We also took Hardee back to the park with his favorite little person where he followed her down each and every slide.
The smell coming from Hardee's mouth has been back for numerous weeks now. I've tried quite a few different antibiotics, and the ones that worked previously, don't work anymore. Hardee has been on at least 2 different antibiotics, sometimes 3, since Dec. I've added Clavamox into the mix to see what that does, but I think we'll be trying some antibiotics we haven't tried before. It is always trial and error to see what antibiotics work for awhile, then we start over.
Between the drainage coming from Hardee's nose from the infections, and all the bleeding, I couldn't take his longer hair anymore so Thursday I chopped it all off. I chopped all the hair from his head too, so he looks horrible! They won't even recognize him at the hospice facility where he does therapy. I barely recognize him! When Hardee leaves us for the Rainbow Bridge, I wanted him to go with all his long handsome hair, but it really doesn't matter anymore.
Jim and Hardee missed not attending the National Agility Championship held in Reno, NV this weekend. They've been invited 2 years in a row, but because of Hardee's cancer they have not been able to attend. Hardee did break back into the "top 5" of Portuguese Water Dog in the nation for the Agility Invitational over a month ago. Currently, Hardee is ranked #4. We are still amazed at our fantastic working dog and his will to live while doing what he loves.
Though we wish it was an April Fools joke, we have formulated a plan for when it is time to release Hardee from his cancer with a vet friend. She has been a huge help to us throughout Hardee's cancer, and I do not know what we would have done without her, especially lately. She has our appreciation and our thanks.
Deservedly so, it is still all about joy and all about Hardee. Somethings will never change.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Sun., Mar. 18, 2012 - Bleeding and hemorrhaging
In between bleeding episodes, Hardee is still doing his therapy visits at the hospice facility, and on Friday, we had our first home visit at a hospice patients house. Hardee visited with her for 1 hour and 15 minutes. Then we went to the in-patient facility where we made our rounds. HH is such a good boy, and everybody loves him. In the words of my friend, what's not to love?
We are approaching the end of this fight for Hardee. Though he eats and drinks with gusto, and is a happy boy still, the blood loss will win in the end.
We have fought so very hard these last 20 months, I hope I know when it is time to let go. Please keep Hardee, and us, in your thoughts for peace and clarity. Until then, we'll still make it all about joy and all about Hardee. You know we wouldn't have it any other way.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Mon., Mar. 12, 2012 - Happy Birthday Hardee!!!
Today, our boy turned 7 years old. We never thought we'd make it to this day, and we are so very grateful.
We had a birthday party for Hardee yesterday at an agility trial. It was an absolutely wonderful day spent with great friends and great dogs. I did not want it to end.
The top photo is Hardee and two of his girls in their party attire (Kina, Hardee & Trixie). The bottom photo is Hardee and his harem (Trixie, Kina, Hardee, Viva & Indy) waiting to be released to devour the plates of chicken on the grass in front of them.
Hardee is still bleeding so keep him in your thoughts please. Here, it is still all about joy and all about Hardee.
We had a birthday party for Hardee yesterday at an agility trial. It was an absolutely wonderful day spent with great friends and great dogs. I did not want it to end.
Hardee is still bleeding so keep him in your thoughts please. Here, it is still all about joy and all about Hardee.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Wed., Mar. 7, 2012 - Bleeding again
When I wrote the last blog entry, I must have jinxed myself. Hardee's nose has been bleeding since Sunday night, off and on. Today has been really bad with blood dripping and spewing everywhere when he sneezes. Fortunately, the bleeding is painless for Hardee. I wish I could say the same for us as this is all so hard sometimes.
Hardee continues to eat and drink with gusto (he just finished a big wedge of Colby cheese that Jim broke apart into small pieces for an afternoon snack) and he has quality to his life, so we don't think it is his time to leave us yet. When the fistula opened in Hardee's mouth, I thought the parameters for determining when Hardee left us for the bridge had changed from bleeding and pain we couldn't control, to whether he continued to eat and drink and had life quality. Now I think we are back to using the first set of parameters, with emphasis on bleeding we can't control.
A couple months ago, we went to a Chinese medicine store and bought some Yunnan Baiyao. It is supposed to help control bleeding, though I don't know if it really works or not. We haven't tried it yet, until this moment. I've been nervous about trying it because of the contaminants in things coming from China, though I don't know if my worries should apply in this case. We are getting desperate enough now to control this bleeding that I guess contaminants are the least of our worries.
We were in AZ last weekend for agility. Jim and Hardee qualified in Time To Beat (T2B) all 4 days and got their T2B title on the first day of the trial. They also double qualified 3 days out of 4. Hardee still loves to run agility, and I think it keeps him going.
Only 5 days until Hardee's 7th birthday. Keep you fingers and paws crossed that we make it until then. As always, it is all about joy and all about Hardee.
Hardee continues to eat and drink with gusto (he just finished a big wedge of Colby cheese that Jim broke apart into small pieces for an afternoon snack) and he has quality to his life, so we don't think it is his time to leave us yet. When the fistula opened in Hardee's mouth, I thought the parameters for determining when Hardee left us for the bridge had changed from bleeding and pain we couldn't control, to whether he continued to eat and drink and had life quality. Now I think we are back to using the first set of parameters, with emphasis on bleeding we can't control.
A couple months ago, we went to a Chinese medicine store and bought some Yunnan Baiyao. It is supposed to help control bleeding, though I don't know if it really works or not. We haven't tried it yet, until this moment. I've been nervous about trying it because of the contaminants in things coming from China, though I don't know if my worries should apply in this case. We are getting desperate enough now to control this bleeding that I guess contaminants are the least of our worries.
We were in AZ last weekend for agility. Jim and Hardee qualified in Time To Beat (T2B) all 4 days and got their T2B title on the first day of the trial. They also double qualified 3 days out of 4. Hardee still loves to run agility, and I think it keeps him going.
Only 5 days until Hardee's 7th birthday. Keep you fingers and paws crossed that we make it until then. As always, it is all about joy and all about Hardee.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Wed., Feb. 29, 2012 - Happy Leap Day!
The nose bleeds have almost stopped. Once in a while Hardee will sneeze out a big clot and his nose will bleed for a short time after that, but we haven't had a bad bleed for almost 2 months. The nasty nasal drainage is still there, despite numerous antibiotics, but that has been a constant in our lives for over a year now. HH does have a bit of a smell again coming from his mouth, so maybe it is time for a new and different antibiotic.
Now for some amazing news. I might be writing this prematurely and maybe I didn't get a good enough look inside Hardee's mouth, but the fistula (hole through his hard palate into his nasal cavity) seems to have filled in quite a bit, almost like the tumor is growing over the hole. I can't explain it any other way. We did do a month of Palladia (oral chemo pill) in January, so maybe it actually has helped somehow. I have thought numerous times that the Palladia might have helped to shrink the tumors in Hardee's frontal sinuses (forehead) since we haven't had anymore bad bleeds since we started Palladia.
Another indicator that maybe the tumors in Hardee's forehead have shrunk is he doesn't whine anymore when we go through a couple mountain passes. We have to go up in elevation a couple times as we travel back and forth to So. Cal. Hardee had started whining again in January as we traveled through the passes, so we had laid off the agility trials in So. Cal. Maybe it is the increase in pain pills or maybe the tumors have shrunk. We'll never know for sure because we won't do another CT scan on Hardee. Maybe it is just wishful thinking on my part, but for sure, it is all just speculation.
The majority of the pink soft tissue is gone from the roof of Hardee's mouth (hard palate), especially on the right side where the tumor originated in Hardee's nasal passage. You mostly see tumor when you look at his hard palate. He doesn't chew much anymore, and if he tries to chew something, it is strictly on the left side. Hardee still eats his dehydrated food, that I rehydrate with lots of water, with gusto, and as a typical PWD, is always starving. I have backed off the pain pills just slightly, and he only gets one every 5 hours now, unless I see signs of pain. If I see signs of pain before the 5 hour mark, I either shorten the duration between pills, or increase the dose to 1.5 pills.
Hardee still LOVES to run agility and has much joy in his life. He is still demanding, always wanting his blankie tucked under his chin now, and just within the last month or so, demands that someone come over and pet him and rub his tummy when he gets up on the sofa. Normally, we wouldn't put up with these types of shenanigans, but for quite some time now, Hardee gets whatever he wants. Just the other day, I picked up his blankie that he wasn't using and covered up with it because I had a chill. He wasn't happy that someone else was using his blankie and let me know about it. I take all these spoiled rotten actions as an indicator that he is feeling okay.
Last year at this time, we never dreamed that Hardee would ever reach his 7th birthday, but in 12 days, we will celebrate like crazy. We have been fighting like hell against this cancer for 19 full months now. Hardee continues to live up to his name (Built To Withstand) and is indeed hardy. He is the love of our lives. He continues to endure for us, and we endure for him.
As always, it is all about joy and all about Hardee. We celebrate him daily.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Thurs., Feb. 16, 2012 - New antibiotic
I'm late, as usual, but I hope everyone got to spend time with their loved ones at some point during Valentine's Day and that it was happy.
We celebrated our day by starting Hardee on a new antibiotic to see if we could get the bad smell coming from his mouth under control. Previous to Tuesday, Hardee was on Baytril and Amoxicillin. We added in the Amoxicillin almost 2 weeks ago, and it never seemed to make any difference in the smell. In fact, the smell was getting worse. On the advice of someone who emailed me, I researched Clindamycin and decided that would be a good antibiotic to try. I talked to a Vet about it, and the script was called in. By this morning (2 days later), the smell was so much better! Thank you so much to the person who emailed me with the suggestion, and to my "go to Vet" who always finds the time to help me out!
Last weekend Hardee ran agility again. Jim and HH got two double Qs and placed in the ribbons each time. Hardee continues to love agility, and Jim continues to love to run with HH.
Though we wish like hell it wasn't, the cancer is progressing in Hardee's mouth. He continues to eat and drink well, but doesn't really chew much anymore on his right side. We have increased HH's pain pills and lessened the duration between doses, again. Hardee still has a good quality of life though, and still lives with much joy. We will continue to let HH dictate his path with us.
As always, it is all about joy and all about Hardee. Please keep him in your thoughts for pain free days.
We celebrated our day by starting Hardee on a new antibiotic to see if we could get the bad smell coming from his mouth under control. Previous to Tuesday, Hardee was on Baytril and Amoxicillin. We added in the Amoxicillin almost 2 weeks ago, and it never seemed to make any difference in the smell. In fact, the smell was getting worse. On the advice of someone who emailed me, I researched Clindamycin and decided that would be a good antibiotic to try. I talked to a Vet about it, and the script was called in. By this morning (2 days later), the smell was so much better! Thank you so much to the person who emailed me with the suggestion, and to my "go to Vet" who always finds the time to help me out!
Last weekend Hardee ran agility again. Jim and HH got two double Qs and placed in the ribbons each time. Hardee continues to love agility, and Jim continues to love to run with HH.
Though we wish like hell it wasn't, the cancer is progressing in Hardee's mouth. He continues to eat and drink well, but doesn't really chew much anymore on his right side. We have increased HH's pain pills and lessened the duration between doses, again. Hardee still has a good quality of life though, and still lives with much joy. We will continue to let HH dictate his path with us.
As always, it is all about joy and all about Hardee. Please keep him in your thoughts for pain free days.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Wed., Feb. 8, 2012 - Keep on keeping on
Hardee continues to endure.
We got a look inside HH's mouth yesterday and the fistula is bigger since we first found it 2 weeks ago, but we expected it to continue to grow. Hardee continues to eat and drink just fine, though a bit slower than previously. We switched him over to a dehydrated food that I add water to so he can just lap it up with no chewing involved. Jim cuts the dehydrated meat into small bits, and I crumble a hard boiled egg into his food with each meal for extra protein. Still, the pieces are small enough that they require no chewing.
Hardee has been on the strong antibiotic, Baytril, for well over a month now, and we added another antibiotic, Amoxicillin, a week ago trying to clear up the smell coming from his mouth. It hasn't helped, so I'm debating whether to discontinue the Amoxicillin for now. HH is pretty stuffy and snotty right now, and all our dry desert air doesn't help him.
Last weekend we had the Southern California Portuguese Water Dog Club's agility trial that we attended. Hardee ran and did well. He qualified in 5 of his 6 runs, and the one run HH didn't qualify in was totally his handler's fault. Hardee continues to love agility, and it brings us such joy to see him happy. At the trial, we also got to visit with other club members that we don't see very often, so it was a very enjoyable weekend.
Currently, Hardee is in his recliner (the recliner used to be Jim's) grumbling and now barking at me to get up and tuck his blankie under his chin so he has something to prop his head upon. HH is still very demanding, and we take that as a good sign of life.
As always, it is still all about joy and all about Hardee. Keep your fingers and paws crossed for us that it continues this way for quite some time.
We got a look inside HH's mouth yesterday and the fistula is bigger since we first found it 2 weeks ago, but we expected it to continue to grow. Hardee continues to eat and drink just fine, though a bit slower than previously. We switched him over to a dehydrated food that I add water to so he can just lap it up with no chewing involved. Jim cuts the dehydrated meat into small bits, and I crumble a hard boiled egg into his food with each meal for extra protein. Still, the pieces are small enough that they require no chewing.
Hardee has been on the strong antibiotic, Baytril, for well over a month now, and we added another antibiotic, Amoxicillin, a week ago trying to clear up the smell coming from his mouth. It hasn't helped, so I'm debating whether to discontinue the Amoxicillin for now. HH is pretty stuffy and snotty right now, and all our dry desert air doesn't help him.
Last weekend we had the Southern California Portuguese Water Dog Club's agility trial that we attended. Hardee ran and did well. He qualified in 5 of his 6 runs, and the one run HH didn't qualify in was totally his handler's fault. Hardee continues to love agility, and it brings us such joy to see him happy. At the trial, we also got to visit with other club members that we don't see very often, so it was a very enjoyable weekend.
Currently, Hardee is in his recliner (the recliner used to be Jim's) grumbling and now barking at me to get up and tuck his blankie under his chin so he has something to prop his head upon. HH is still very demanding, and we take that as a good sign of life.
As always, it is still all about joy and all about Hardee. Keep your fingers and paws crossed for us that it continues this way for quite some time.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Tues., Jan. 31, 2010 - Status quo
Just a quick update since there have been inquiries about Hardee. Everything is the same. Handsome Hardee (HH) eats and drinks with gusto, lives with joy, and is getting lots of love from us. There have been quite a few violent reverse sneezing episodes that have scared us, where HH can't catch his breath and he can't stop the reverse sneezing episode, but it eventually stops and things settle down. We have increased his pain pills and lessened the duration between doses mostly because I fear his pain. I want to make sure he is comfortable.
Last Friday when HH and Jim got their MACH2, we did not celebrate. We waited for our friends to be there Saturday. Jim and Hardee turned around and QQd (double qualified) again on Saturday so we could officially celebrate. Jim and HH got to do their celebratory run around the ring with their big ribbon, and I took their picture with the judge. What a wonderful day!
After the celebration in the ring, we had celebratory El Pollo Loco chicken, tortillas and salsa, and a huge chocolate MACH2 cake. We ate the cake first, as all good celebrations do. After we had our fill of chicken, we shredded the rest for the dogs. We had the agility threesome (Hardee and our friend's 2 PWDs) in a sit stay on the grass with their plates of chicken in front of them. They stayed while we took photos, with tons of drool coming from them, and then we released them to devour their chicken.
On Sunday, the celebration continued with In-n-Out double-double burgers for all. We ate our burgers first, then the dogs got theirs. Again, we had them waiting in the grass on a down stay this time with their burgers right in front of them while we took pictures, and then we released them to eat theirs. I took photos while they ate. Indy finished first with just a piece of lettuce left while Hardee still had his whole burger in his mouth. Viva finished second, while HH brought up the rear in the burger finishing department. I've got a couple pictures where HH was eyeing Viva's burger though before they ate. What fun we have with our dogs!
Yesterday when we finally got home, Hardee was tired. That is standard for him after a weekend of agility, but today, he's had two barking zoomies so far and he's brought us stuffies to play with him. Doesn't seem like a dog on his deathbed just yet! He's amazed us many, many times before, so we'll let him dictate his path with us.
Tomorrow, it will be exactly 18 months ago that I found the nasty discharge coming from Hardee's nose that drove us to the vets the next morning and the horrible diagnosis the following week. We will always wish for more time with our little Bubs, but we are grateful for every extra second we spend together.
Things haven't ever changed with us. It is still all about joy, and all about Hardee. We continue to celebrate his life!
P.S.- I just learned that you can post videos here, so I've included Hardee's runs from his MACH2 celebration day. The top 2 videos are his Jumps With Weaves run, and his Standard run. The bottom video is his celebratory run. He is slower now, but he still runs with joy!
Friday, January 27, 2012
Wed., Jan. 25, 2012 - The last 4 weeks
When I left off last, I was scared to start the Palladia on Hardee, but he seemed to handle it okay. The only side effect was diarrhea. We didn't know if the diarrhea was associated with the Palladia or the strong antibiotic, Baytril, that Hardee was taking. We treated for the diarrhea and got a handle on it quickly every time it reared it's ugly head.
Two weeks into the Palladia, I had to take Hardee into the vets for blood work. This worried me so because of what happened the last time we had Hardee at the vets. I scheduled the appointment with the Air Force base vet, and they gave us the last appointment of the morning. Before we left for the appointment, I gave Hardee 1.5 valium and hoped for the best. I didn't bring HH inside until they were ready for him, and I brought LOTS of treats with me. Everyone greeted HH and gave him treats, trying to make it a pleasant experience. When I saw Hardee getting stressed, I started working him right away. We heeled around the waiting area, did finishes and arounds, stands, downs, backs....what ever I could do to keep him engaged and focused on me. The blood draw went well, after they finally found a vein, and I breathed a big sigh a relief.
At first I didn't think the Palladia was working because we were still having nose bleeds. Then, the bleeds stopped, and I started to have hope, again, that our boy might be with us longer than we expected. There was also less drainage from his nose, but I didn't know if that was the Palladia working on the tumors, or the stronger antibiotic working on any infection up in there. Either way, Jim and I were ecstatic!
These next paragraphs will be the hardest words I have ever written, so bear with me. Our elation didn't last long.
Almost 2 weeks ago, I started smelling a bad smell coming from Hardee. At first Jim could not smell it, and I had a hard time convincing him that something was not right. I could not tell if the smell was coming from HH's nose or his mouth, but I thought I smelled it more when his mouth was open. A couple days later, Jim could finally smell what I was smelling. I thought it might be a little infectious smelling, so I tried a different antibiotic. With nasal cancer, you always have numerous different antibiotics around, and Hardee has been on antibiotics continuously for almost a year and we have to switch antibiotics frequently to find one that works for a while. Different antibiotics did not diminish the smell, but Hardee was eating and drinking normally, and running agility with his usual joy.
I'm on a nasal cancer forum, and some of the stuff I read on there is so horrible that I don't tell Jim about it. I did not tell Jim what I suspected was the smell, but I went back and reread some things on the forum. I needed to get a look inside Hardee mouth, but he is so leery of having things done to him now that I cannot force the issue. I raised Hardee's lips numerous times and didn't see anything around the outside of his teeth or gums, but he wouldn't let me look inside. I tried to catch him yawning but had no luck.
I called down to Hardee's new oncologist to talk to her about the smell. She thought it was infection and started HH back on a stronger antibiotic. I asked her that if the Palladia was working to kill the tumors, could that have a bad smell associated with it? She wasn't sure. Then I asked her the most horrible question that I had read about on my nasal cancer forum.....could the tumor have broken through the roof of Hardee's mouth? She thought that it could be possible but didn't think it probable based on Hardee's latest CT scan only about 3 weeks earlier. Somehow, I knew that it had though.
I thought about everything for a couple of hours, but I had to know what was going on in Hardee's mouth. I gave Hardee some valium, and I had Jim take Hardee's grooming table outside where the sunlight would help me. We got out his nail grinder which always makes HH anxious and causes him to yawn, and then we waited for the right opportunity to see the roof of his mouth. What we saw crushed us to the core. Not only had the tumor broken through a huge area in his hard palate, there was a fistula (hole) going through into his nasal cavity. We loved and hugged on Hardee, and cried. Then I went in to call Hardee's oncologist.
The oncologist said there is nothing more that we can do. I asked if this means that we have to release Hardee to the bridge tomorrow, and he said no, that if Hardee is eating and drinking normally and has quality to his life, then it is not Hardee's time to leave us yet. He said to let Hardee do what ever he wants, let him run agility, and when Hardee's quality of life starts to fade, then we'll know it is time.
We came down to SoCal and the agility trial we had planned this weekend knowing that we might have to release Hardee from all this horribleness at any time. Jim and Hardee only needed one more QQ (double qualifying score) for their MACH 2 (Master Agility Champion, twice over), and as nice as that accomplishment would be, the only thing that matters now is what brings Hardee joy and letting him do what he loves.
Hardee had a very bad night last night, but this morning he wanted to run. Today Jim and Hardee completed their MACH2 with another QQQ. As thrilled as we were, it was bittersweet also, and there were many tears. Words cannot express how proud I am of Hardee and Jim.
We have always strived to give Hardee the best life possible. We will continue on that path with the added bonus of giving Hardee forbidden things to eat and letting him do whatever he wants until his time with us comes to an end. This afternoon he took his pills with Nutella and got a couple peanut M&Ms. Tonight he celebrates his MACH2 with a double-double In-n-Out burger, his favorite!
Knowing that the day the tumor would get the best of us was coming, does not make it easier to accept. We were not prepared for what we saw inside Hardee's mouth. How he continues to endure has us amazed. We'd like to think that his love of life with us, and our love for him, is what keeps us all going.
Thank you all for your support along this journey. I know I'm asking again, but please keep us all in your thoughts as we proceed forward, hour by hour, or possibly, day by day (he's surprised us before), for pain free time filled with joy and love for our little boy, and clarity for us to know when it is time to let go.
Until that very last second, it is, and always will be, all about Hardee.
Two weeks into the Palladia, I had to take Hardee into the vets for blood work. This worried me so because of what happened the last time we had Hardee at the vets. I scheduled the appointment with the Air Force base vet, and they gave us the last appointment of the morning. Before we left for the appointment, I gave Hardee 1.5 valium and hoped for the best. I didn't bring HH inside until they were ready for him, and I brought LOTS of treats with me. Everyone greeted HH and gave him treats, trying to make it a pleasant experience. When I saw Hardee getting stressed, I started working him right away. We heeled around the waiting area, did finishes and arounds, stands, downs, backs....what ever I could do to keep him engaged and focused on me. The blood draw went well, after they finally found a vein, and I breathed a big sigh a relief.
At first I didn't think the Palladia was working because we were still having nose bleeds. Then, the bleeds stopped, and I started to have hope, again, that our boy might be with us longer than we expected. There was also less drainage from his nose, but I didn't know if that was the Palladia working on the tumors, or the stronger antibiotic working on any infection up in there. Either way, Jim and I were ecstatic!
These next paragraphs will be the hardest words I have ever written, so bear with me. Our elation didn't last long.
Almost 2 weeks ago, I started smelling a bad smell coming from Hardee. At first Jim could not smell it, and I had a hard time convincing him that something was not right. I could not tell if the smell was coming from HH's nose or his mouth, but I thought I smelled it more when his mouth was open. A couple days later, Jim could finally smell what I was smelling. I thought it might be a little infectious smelling, so I tried a different antibiotic. With nasal cancer, you always have numerous different antibiotics around, and Hardee has been on antibiotics continuously for almost a year and we have to switch antibiotics frequently to find one that works for a while. Different antibiotics did not diminish the smell, but Hardee was eating and drinking normally, and running agility with his usual joy.
I'm on a nasal cancer forum, and some of the stuff I read on there is so horrible that I don't tell Jim about it. I did not tell Jim what I suspected was the smell, but I went back and reread some things on the forum. I needed to get a look inside Hardee mouth, but he is so leery of having things done to him now that I cannot force the issue. I raised Hardee's lips numerous times and didn't see anything around the outside of his teeth or gums, but he wouldn't let me look inside. I tried to catch him yawning but had no luck.
I called down to Hardee's new oncologist to talk to her about the smell. She thought it was infection and started HH back on a stronger antibiotic. I asked her that if the Palladia was working to kill the tumors, could that have a bad smell associated with it? She wasn't sure. Then I asked her the most horrible question that I had read about on my nasal cancer forum.....could the tumor have broken through the roof of Hardee's mouth? She thought that it could be possible but didn't think it probable based on Hardee's latest CT scan only about 3 weeks earlier. Somehow, I knew that it had though.
I thought about everything for a couple of hours, but I had to know what was going on in Hardee's mouth. I gave Hardee some valium, and I had Jim take Hardee's grooming table outside where the sunlight would help me. We got out his nail grinder which always makes HH anxious and causes him to yawn, and then we waited for the right opportunity to see the roof of his mouth. What we saw crushed us to the core. Not only had the tumor broken through a huge area in his hard palate, there was a fistula (hole) going through into his nasal cavity. We loved and hugged on Hardee, and cried. Then I went in to call Hardee's oncologist.
The oncologist said there is nothing more that we can do. I asked if this means that we have to release Hardee to the bridge tomorrow, and he said no, that if Hardee is eating and drinking normally and has quality to his life, then it is not Hardee's time to leave us yet. He said to let Hardee do what ever he wants, let him run agility, and when Hardee's quality of life starts to fade, then we'll know it is time.
We came down to SoCal and the agility trial we had planned this weekend knowing that we might have to release Hardee from all this horribleness at any time. Jim and Hardee only needed one more QQ (double qualifying score) for their MACH 2 (Master Agility Champion, twice over), and as nice as that accomplishment would be, the only thing that matters now is what brings Hardee joy and letting him do what he loves.
Hardee had a very bad night last night, but this morning he wanted to run. Today Jim and Hardee completed their MACH2 with another QQQ. As thrilled as we were, it was bittersweet also, and there were many tears. Words cannot express how proud I am of Hardee and Jim.
We have always strived to give Hardee the best life possible. We will continue on that path with the added bonus of giving Hardee forbidden things to eat and letting him do whatever he wants until his time with us comes to an end. This afternoon he took his pills with Nutella and got a couple peanut M&Ms. Tonight he celebrates his MACH2 with a double-double In-n-Out burger, his favorite!
Knowing that the day the tumor would get the best of us was coming, does not make it easier to accept. We were not prepared for what we saw inside Hardee's mouth. How he continues to endure has us amazed. We'd like to think that his love of life with us, and our love for him, is what keeps us all going.
Thank you all for your support along this journey. I know I'm asking again, but please keep us all in your thoughts as we proceed forward, hour by hour, or possibly, day by day (he's surprised us before), for pain free time filled with joy and love for our little boy, and clarity for us to know when it is time to let go.
Until that very last second, it is, and always will be, all about Hardee.
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Thurs., Dec. 29, 2011 - Different game plan...still fighting
First, let me thank those who offered good thoughts or prayers for Hardee's nose bleed to stop on Tuesday. The bleed stopped quickly, and we haven't had anymore blood since then. We delayed our agility trip plans by a day to make sure, and the clot even held during Hardee's weekly bath.
Since I wrote last, I still had not called and discussed things with the oncologist that did Hardee's scan last week. It was Christmas, and we just didn't want to have to talk about cancer for a couple days. Sometimes, it is just nice to try and pretend that things aren't the way they really are (as best you can), to escape reality, and take a couple days off. Since we were going to be in SoCal anyway this week, I called and scheduled an appointment so we could talk face to face with the oncologist instead of over the phone. Of course, Hardee was going to wait in the car instead of going inside after what happened last week.
When we got to our appointment and found out the oncologist that had done Hardee's scan didn't come in to that office as planned that day, I was pretty upset. There was another oncologist there that we could see, but the thought of starting fresh with another oncologist after a year and a half was almost unthinkable to me. It turned out to be the best thing ever, and I really liked her!!! She had some fresh ideas and a different perspective, and was very willing to work within our parameters. Also, before Dr T saw us, she called down to the Carlsbad office to consult with Dr P and Dr O about Hardee's case. Dr T is only at the Ontario office 2 days per week, but if we can work it out, we will only try and schedule with her from now on.
Dr T accepted our decision to not pursue further radiation on the new tumors. Yes, new tumors, as the radiologist report stated that the cancer had spread to both frontal sinuses in HH's forehead, instead of just the left frontal sinus that we saw on the scan from last week. Dr T talked to us about a newer chemo pill that we can give at home called Palladia. Palladia has only been out for about 2 years and has been used for Mast Cell Tumor cancers, but there is a new study starting up at Washington State that is trying it on nasal carcinomas. Though Hardee fits all the criteria for the study for the free expensive meds, check-ups, and CT scans, we cannot travel to Washington and be there long term.
Though the research I've read on Palladia isn't good, we are trying it anyway. We are on last ditch efforts here. The efficacy of Palladia is only about 40% and of the 40% whose tumors did shrink, it was short lived (3 months) and then the tumors grew right back. Palladia also has a very high percentage of nasty side effects. Hardee will start the Palladia this Monday, Jan. 2, 2012 and will get it every Mon., Wed., and Fri. We are giving him a low dose (50 mg) instead of the 80 mg recommended (hopefully it is enough to help), and we can stop the drug at any time.
Dr. T started Hardee on a stronger antibiotic to see if it helps control some of the drainage coming from his nose. We also talked to her about a sedative to give Hardee when we have to bring him back in for blood work in 2 weeks. The sedative, Acepromazine, does nothing for Hardee, so Dr T wrote a script for Valium. I hope it works! We also got a script for Gabepentin (Neurontin) to see if that helps control his pain, along with the Tramadol. HH rubs his face and head on anything he can, and he bats at it with his front legs/paws. I fear his pain, but Dr T doesn't think he is in horrible pain, though she does agree that it has to bother him quite a bit. Since the nose is so innervated, we are trying the "nerve drug" Neurontin to see if it helps.
Well, here it is Jan. 21, 2012. It's been 3.5 weeks since I started this post. So much for my new year's resolution to stop procrastinating. A busy life out having fun with the little Bubs keeps getting in the way. At least it is still all about joy and all about Hardee!
I'll write an update soon about the last 3.5 weeks, hopefully......
Since I wrote last, I still had not called and discussed things with the oncologist that did Hardee's scan last week. It was Christmas, and we just didn't want to have to talk about cancer for a couple days. Sometimes, it is just nice to try and pretend that things aren't the way they really are (as best you can), to escape reality, and take a couple days off. Since we were going to be in SoCal anyway this week, I called and scheduled an appointment so we could talk face to face with the oncologist instead of over the phone. Of course, Hardee was going to wait in the car instead of going inside after what happened last week.
When we got to our appointment and found out the oncologist that had done Hardee's scan didn't come in to that office as planned that day, I was pretty upset. There was another oncologist there that we could see, but the thought of starting fresh with another oncologist after a year and a half was almost unthinkable to me. It turned out to be the best thing ever, and I really liked her!!! She had some fresh ideas and a different perspective, and was very willing to work within our parameters. Also, before Dr T saw us, she called down to the Carlsbad office to consult with Dr P and Dr O about Hardee's case. Dr T is only at the Ontario office 2 days per week, but if we can work it out, we will only try and schedule with her from now on.
Dr T accepted our decision to not pursue further radiation on the new tumors. Yes, new tumors, as the radiologist report stated that the cancer had spread to both frontal sinuses in HH's forehead, instead of just the left frontal sinus that we saw on the scan from last week. Dr T talked to us about a newer chemo pill that we can give at home called Palladia. Palladia has only been out for about 2 years and has been used for Mast Cell Tumor cancers, but there is a new study starting up at Washington State that is trying it on nasal carcinomas. Though Hardee fits all the criteria for the study for the free expensive meds, check-ups, and CT scans, we cannot travel to Washington and be there long term.
Though the research I've read on Palladia isn't good, we are trying it anyway. We are on last ditch efforts here. The efficacy of Palladia is only about 40% and of the 40% whose tumors did shrink, it was short lived (3 months) and then the tumors grew right back. Palladia also has a very high percentage of nasty side effects. Hardee will start the Palladia this Monday, Jan. 2, 2012 and will get it every Mon., Wed., and Fri. We are giving him a low dose (50 mg) instead of the 80 mg recommended (hopefully it is enough to help), and we can stop the drug at any time.
Dr. T started Hardee on a stronger antibiotic to see if it helps control some of the drainage coming from his nose. We also talked to her about a sedative to give Hardee when we have to bring him back in for blood work in 2 weeks. The sedative, Acepromazine, does nothing for Hardee, so Dr T wrote a script for Valium. I hope it works! We also got a script for Gabepentin (Neurontin) to see if that helps control his pain, along with the Tramadol. HH rubs his face and head on anything he can, and he bats at it with his front legs/paws. I fear his pain, but Dr T doesn't think he is in horrible pain, though she does agree that it has to bother him quite a bit. Since the nose is so innervated, we are trying the "nerve drug" Neurontin to see if it helps.
Well, here it is Jan. 21, 2012. It's been 3.5 weeks since I started this post. So much for my new year's resolution to stop procrastinating. A busy life out having fun with the little Bubs keeps getting in the way. At least it is still all about joy and all about Hardee!
I'll write an update soon about the last 3.5 weeks, hopefully......
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