I'm late, as usual, but I hope everyone got to spend time with their loved ones at some point during Valentine's Day and that it was happy.
We celebrated our day by starting Hardee on a new antibiotic to see if we could get the bad smell coming from his mouth under control. Previous to Tuesday, Hardee was on Baytril and Amoxicillin. We added in the Amoxicillin almost 2 weeks ago, and it never seemed to make any difference in the smell. In fact, the smell was getting worse. On the advice of someone who emailed me, I researched Clindamycin and decided that would be a good antibiotic to try. I talked to a Vet about it, and the script was called in. By this morning (2 days later), the smell was so much better! Thank you so much to the person who emailed me with the suggestion, and to my "go to Vet" who always finds the time to help me out!
Last weekend Hardee ran agility again. Jim and HH got two double Qs and placed in the ribbons each time. Hardee continues to love agility, and Jim continues to love to run with HH.
Though we wish like hell it wasn't, the cancer is progressing in Hardee's mouth. He continues to eat and drink well, but doesn't really chew much anymore on his right side. We have increased HH's pain pills and lessened the duration between doses, again. Hardee still has a good quality of life though, and still lives with much joy. We will continue to let HH dictate his path with us.
As always, it is all about joy and all about Hardee. Please keep him in your thoughts for pain free days.
Handsome Hardee
We are a patriotic family!
Face of Courage
Face of courage
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Wed., Feb. 8, 2012 - Keep on keeping on
Hardee continues to endure.
We got a look inside HH's mouth yesterday and the fistula is bigger since we first found it 2 weeks ago, but we expected it to continue to grow. Hardee continues to eat and drink just fine, though a bit slower than previously. We switched him over to a dehydrated food that I add water to so he can just lap it up with no chewing involved. Jim cuts the dehydrated meat into small bits, and I crumble a hard boiled egg into his food with each meal for extra protein. Still, the pieces are small enough that they require no chewing.
Hardee has been on the strong antibiotic, Baytril, for well over a month now, and we added another antibiotic, Amoxicillin, a week ago trying to clear up the smell coming from his mouth. It hasn't helped, so I'm debating whether to discontinue the Amoxicillin for now. HH is pretty stuffy and snotty right now, and all our dry desert air doesn't help him.
Last weekend we had the Southern California Portuguese Water Dog Club's agility trial that we attended. Hardee ran and did well. He qualified in 5 of his 6 runs, and the one run HH didn't qualify in was totally his handler's fault. Hardee continues to love agility, and it brings us such joy to see him happy. At the trial, we also got to visit with other club members that we don't see very often, so it was a very enjoyable weekend.
Currently, Hardee is in his recliner (the recliner used to be Jim's) grumbling and now barking at me to get up and tuck his blankie under his chin so he has something to prop his head upon. HH is still very demanding, and we take that as a good sign of life.
As always, it is still all about joy and all about Hardee. Keep your fingers and paws crossed for us that it continues this way for quite some time.
We got a look inside HH's mouth yesterday and the fistula is bigger since we first found it 2 weeks ago, but we expected it to continue to grow. Hardee continues to eat and drink just fine, though a bit slower than previously. We switched him over to a dehydrated food that I add water to so he can just lap it up with no chewing involved. Jim cuts the dehydrated meat into small bits, and I crumble a hard boiled egg into his food with each meal for extra protein. Still, the pieces are small enough that they require no chewing.
Hardee has been on the strong antibiotic, Baytril, for well over a month now, and we added another antibiotic, Amoxicillin, a week ago trying to clear up the smell coming from his mouth. It hasn't helped, so I'm debating whether to discontinue the Amoxicillin for now. HH is pretty stuffy and snotty right now, and all our dry desert air doesn't help him.
Last weekend we had the Southern California Portuguese Water Dog Club's agility trial that we attended. Hardee ran and did well. He qualified in 5 of his 6 runs, and the one run HH didn't qualify in was totally his handler's fault. Hardee continues to love agility, and it brings us such joy to see him happy. At the trial, we also got to visit with other club members that we don't see very often, so it was a very enjoyable weekend.
Currently, Hardee is in his recliner (the recliner used to be Jim's) grumbling and now barking at me to get up and tuck his blankie under his chin so he has something to prop his head upon. HH is still very demanding, and we take that as a good sign of life.
As always, it is still all about joy and all about Hardee. Keep your fingers and paws crossed for us that it continues this way for quite some time.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Tues., Jan. 31, 2010 - Status quo
Just a quick update since there have been inquiries about Hardee. Everything is the same. Handsome Hardee (HH) eats and drinks with gusto, lives with joy, and is getting lots of love from us. There have been quite a few violent reverse sneezing episodes that have scared us, where HH can't catch his breath and he can't stop the reverse sneezing episode, but it eventually stops and things settle down. We have increased his pain pills and lessened the duration between doses mostly because I fear his pain. I want to make sure he is comfortable.
Last Friday when HH and Jim got their MACH2, we did not celebrate. We waited for our friends to be there Saturday. Jim and Hardee turned around and QQd (double qualified) again on Saturday so we could officially celebrate. Jim and HH got to do their celebratory run around the ring with their big ribbon, and I took their picture with the judge. What a wonderful day!
After the celebration in the ring, we had celebratory El Pollo Loco chicken, tortillas and salsa, and a huge chocolate MACH2 cake. We ate the cake first, as all good celebrations do. After we had our fill of chicken, we shredded the rest for the dogs. We had the agility threesome (Hardee and our friend's 2 PWDs) in a sit stay on the grass with their plates of chicken in front of them. They stayed while we took photos, with tons of drool coming from them, and then we released them to devour their chicken.
On Sunday, the celebration continued with In-n-Out double-double burgers for all. We ate our burgers first, then the dogs got theirs. Again, we had them waiting in the grass on a down stay this time with their burgers right in front of them while we took pictures, and then we released them to eat theirs. I took photos while they ate. Indy finished first with just a piece of lettuce left while Hardee still had his whole burger in his mouth. Viva finished second, while HH brought up the rear in the burger finishing department. I've got a couple pictures where HH was eyeing Viva's burger though before they ate. What fun we have with our dogs!
Yesterday when we finally got home, Hardee was tired. That is standard for him after a weekend of agility, but today, he's had two barking zoomies so far and he's brought us stuffies to play with him. Doesn't seem like a dog on his deathbed just yet! He's amazed us many, many times before, so we'll let him dictate his path with us.
Tomorrow, it will be exactly 18 months ago that I found the nasty discharge coming from Hardee's nose that drove us to the vets the next morning and the horrible diagnosis the following week. We will always wish for more time with our little Bubs, but we are grateful for every extra second we spend together.
Things haven't ever changed with us. It is still all about joy, and all about Hardee. We continue to celebrate his life!
P.S.- I just learned that you can post videos here, so I've included Hardee's runs from his MACH2 celebration day. The top 2 videos are his Jumps With Weaves run, and his Standard run. The bottom video is his celebratory run. He is slower now, but he still runs with joy!
Friday, January 27, 2012
Wed., Jan. 25, 2012 - The last 4 weeks
When I left off last, I was scared to start the Palladia on Hardee, but he seemed to handle it okay. The only side effect was diarrhea. We didn't know if the diarrhea was associated with the Palladia or the strong antibiotic, Baytril, that Hardee was taking. We treated for the diarrhea and got a handle on it quickly every time it reared it's ugly head.
Two weeks into the Palladia, I had to take Hardee into the vets for blood work. This worried me so because of what happened the last time we had Hardee at the vets. I scheduled the appointment with the Air Force base vet, and they gave us the last appointment of the morning. Before we left for the appointment, I gave Hardee 1.5 valium and hoped for the best. I didn't bring HH inside until they were ready for him, and I brought LOTS of treats with me. Everyone greeted HH and gave him treats, trying to make it a pleasant experience. When I saw Hardee getting stressed, I started working him right away. We heeled around the waiting area, did finishes and arounds, stands, downs, backs....what ever I could do to keep him engaged and focused on me. The blood draw went well, after they finally found a vein, and I breathed a big sigh a relief.
At first I didn't think the Palladia was working because we were still having nose bleeds. Then, the bleeds stopped, and I started to have hope, again, that our boy might be with us longer than we expected. There was also less drainage from his nose, but I didn't know if that was the Palladia working on the tumors, or the stronger antibiotic working on any infection up in there. Either way, Jim and I were ecstatic!
These next paragraphs will be the hardest words I have ever written, so bear with me. Our elation didn't last long.
Almost 2 weeks ago, I started smelling a bad smell coming from Hardee. At first Jim could not smell it, and I had a hard time convincing him that something was not right. I could not tell if the smell was coming from HH's nose or his mouth, but I thought I smelled it more when his mouth was open. A couple days later, Jim could finally smell what I was smelling. I thought it might be a little infectious smelling, so I tried a different antibiotic. With nasal cancer, you always have numerous different antibiotics around, and Hardee has been on antibiotics continuously for almost a year and we have to switch antibiotics frequently to find one that works for a while. Different antibiotics did not diminish the smell, but Hardee was eating and drinking normally, and running agility with his usual joy.
I'm on a nasal cancer forum, and some of the stuff I read on there is so horrible that I don't tell Jim about it. I did not tell Jim what I suspected was the smell, but I went back and reread some things on the forum. I needed to get a look inside Hardee mouth, but he is so leery of having things done to him now that I cannot force the issue. I raised Hardee's lips numerous times and didn't see anything around the outside of his teeth or gums, but he wouldn't let me look inside. I tried to catch him yawning but had no luck.
I called down to Hardee's new oncologist to talk to her about the smell. She thought it was infection and started HH back on a stronger antibiotic. I asked her that if the Palladia was working to kill the tumors, could that have a bad smell associated with it? She wasn't sure. Then I asked her the most horrible question that I had read about on my nasal cancer forum.....could the tumor have broken through the roof of Hardee's mouth? She thought that it could be possible but didn't think it probable based on Hardee's latest CT scan only about 3 weeks earlier. Somehow, I knew that it had though.
I thought about everything for a couple of hours, but I had to know what was going on in Hardee's mouth. I gave Hardee some valium, and I had Jim take Hardee's grooming table outside where the sunlight would help me. We got out his nail grinder which always makes HH anxious and causes him to yawn, and then we waited for the right opportunity to see the roof of his mouth. What we saw crushed us to the core. Not only had the tumor broken through a huge area in his hard palate, there was a fistula (hole) going through into his nasal cavity. We loved and hugged on Hardee, and cried. Then I went in to call Hardee's oncologist.
The oncologist said there is nothing more that we can do. I asked if this means that we have to release Hardee to the bridge tomorrow, and he said no, that if Hardee is eating and drinking normally and has quality to his life, then it is not Hardee's time to leave us yet. He said to let Hardee do what ever he wants, let him run agility, and when Hardee's quality of life starts to fade, then we'll know it is time.
We came down to SoCal and the agility trial we had planned this weekend knowing that we might have to release Hardee from all this horribleness at any time. Jim and Hardee only needed one more QQ (double qualifying score) for their MACH 2 (Master Agility Champion, twice over), and as nice as that accomplishment would be, the only thing that matters now is what brings Hardee joy and letting him do what he loves.
Hardee had a very bad night last night, but this morning he wanted to run. Today Jim and Hardee completed their MACH2 with another QQQ. As thrilled as we were, it was bittersweet also, and there were many tears. Words cannot express how proud I am of Hardee and Jim.
We have always strived to give Hardee the best life possible. We will continue on that path with the added bonus of giving Hardee forbidden things to eat and letting him do whatever he wants until his time with us comes to an end. This afternoon he took his pills with Nutella and got a couple peanut M&Ms. Tonight he celebrates his MACH2 with a double-double In-n-Out burger, his favorite!
Knowing that the day the tumor would get the best of us was coming, does not make it easier to accept. We were not prepared for what we saw inside Hardee's mouth. How he continues to endure has us amazed. We'd like to think that his love of life with us, and our love for him, is what keeps us all going.
Thank you all for your support along this journey. I know I'm asking again, but please keep us all in your thoughts as we proceed forward, hour by hour, or possibly, day by day (he's surprised us before), for pain free time filled with joy and love for our little boy, and clarity for us to know when it is time to let go.
Until that very last second, it is, and always will be, all about Hardee.
Two weeks into the Palladia, I had to take Hardee into the vets for blood work. This worried me so because of what happened the last time we had Hardee at the vets. I scheduled the appointment with the Air Force base vet, and they gave us the last appointment of the morning. Before we left for the appointment, I gave Hardee 1.5 valium and hoped for the best. I didn't bring HH inside until they were ready for him, and I brought LOTS of treats with me. Everyone greeted HH and gave him treats, trying to make it a pleasant experience. When I saw Hardee getting stressed, I started working him right away. We heeled around the waiting area, did finishes and arounds, stands, downs, backs....what ever I could do to keep him engaged and focused on me. The blood draw went well, after they finally found a vein, and I breathed a big sigh a relief.
At first I didn't think the Palladia was working because we were still having nose bleeds. Then, the bleeds stopped, and I started to have hope, again, that our boy might be with us longer than we expected. There was also less drainage from his nose, but I didn't know if that was the Palladia working on the tumors, or the stronger antibiotic working on any infection up in there. Either way, Jim and I were ecstatic!
These next paragraphs will be the hardest words I have ever written, so bear with me. Our elation didn't last long.
Almost 2 weeks ago, I started smelling a bad smell coming from Hardee. At first Jim could not smell it, and I had a hard time convincing him that something was not right. I could not tell if the smell was coming from HH's nose or his mouth, but I thought I smelled it more when his mouth was open. A couple days later, Jim could finally smell what I was smelling. I thought it might be a little infectious smelling, so I tried a different antibiotic. With nasal cancer, you always have numerous different antibiotics around, and Hardee has been on antibiotics continuously for almost a year and we have to switch antibiotics frequently to find one that works for a while. Different antibiotics did not diminish the smell, but Hardee was eating and drinking normally, and running agility with his usual joy.
I'm on a nasal cancer forum, and some of the stuff I read on there is so horrible that I don't tell Jim about it. I did not tell Jim what I suspected was the smell, but I went back and reread some things on the forum. I needed to get a look inside Hardee mouth, but he is so leery of having things done to him now that I cannot force the issue. I raised Hardee's lips numerous times and didn't see anything around the outside of his teeth or gums, but he wouldn't let me look inside. I tried to catch him yawning but had no luck.
I called down to Hardee's new oncologist to talk to her about the smell. She thought it was infection and started HH back on a stronger antibiotic. I asked her that if the Palladia was working to kill the tumors, could that have a bad smell associated with it? She wasn't sure. Then I asked her the most horrible question that I had read about on my nasal cancer forum.....could the tumor have broken through the roof of Hardee's mouth? She thought that it could be possible but didn't think it probable based on Hardee's latest CT scan only about 3 weeks earlier. Somehow, I knew that it had though.
I thought about everything for a couple of hours, but I had to know what was going on in Hardee's mouth. I gave Hardee some valium, and I had Jim take Hardee's grooming table outside where the sunlight would help me. We got out his nail grinder which always makes HH anxious and causes him to yawn, and then we waited for the right opportunity to see the roof of his mouth. What we saw crushed us to the core. Not only had the tumor broken through a huge area in his hard palate, there was a fistula (hole) going through into his nasal cavity. We loved and hugged on Hardee, and cried. Then I went in to call Hardee's oncologist.
The oncologist said there is nothing more that we can do. I asked if this means that we have to release Hardee to the bridge tomorrow, and he said no, that if Hardee is eating and drinking normally and has quality to his life, then it is not Hardee's time to leave us yet. He said to let Hardee do what ever he wants, let him run agility, and when Hardee's quality of life starts to fade, then we'll know it is time.
We came down to SoCal and the agility trial we had planned this weekend knowing that we might have to release Hardee from all this horribleness at any time. Jim and Hardee only needed one more QQ (double qualifying score) for their MACH 2 (Master Agility Champion, twice over), and as nice as that accomplishment would be, the only thing that matters now is what brings Hardee joy and letting him do what he loves.
Hardee had a very bad night last night, but this morning he wanted to run. Today Jim and Hardee completed their MACH2 with another QQQ. As thrilled as we were, it was bittersweet also, and there were many tears. Words cannot express how proud I am of Hardee and Jim.
We have always strived to give Hardee the best life possible. We will continue on that path with the added bonus of giving Hardee forbidden things to eat and letting him do whatever he wants until his time with us comes to an end. This afternoon he took his pills with Nutella and got a couple peanut M&Ms. Tonight he celebrates his MACH2 with a double-double In-n-Out burger, his favorite!
Knowing that the day the tumor would get the best of us was coming, does not make it easier to accept. We were not prepared for what we saw inside Hardee's mouth. How he continues to endure has us amazed. We'd like to think that his love of life with us, and our love for him, is what keeps us all going.
Thank you all for your support along this journey. I know I'm asking again, but please keep us all in your thoughts as we proceed forward, hour by hour, or possibly, day by day (he's surprised us before), for pain free time filled with joy and love for our little boy, and clarity for us to know when it is time to let go.
Until that very last second, it is, and always will be, all about Hardee.
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Thurs., Dec. 29, 2011 - Different game plan...still fighting
First, let me thank those who offered good thoughts or prayers for Hardee's nose bleed to stop on Tuesday. The bleed stopped quickly, and we haven't had anymore blood since then. We delayed our agility trip plans by a day to make sure, and the clot even held during Hardee's weekly bath.
Since I wrote last, I still had not called and discussed things with the oncologist that did Hardee's scan last week. It was Christmas, and we just didn't want to have to talk about cancer for a couple days. Sometimes, it is just nice to try and pretend that things aren't the way they really are (as best you can), to escape reality, and take a couple days off. Since we were going to be in SoCal anyway this week, I called and scheduled an appointment so we could talk face to face with the oncologist instead of over the phone. Of course, Hardee was going to wait in the car instead of going inside after what happened last week.
When we got to our appointment and found out the oncologist that had done Hardee's scan didn't come in to that office as planned that day, I was pretty upset. There was another oncologist there that we could see, but the thought of starting fresh with another oncologist after a year and a half was almost unthinkable to me. It turned out to be the best thing ever, and I really liked her!!! She had some fresh ideas and a different perspective, and was very willing to work within our parameters. Also, before Dr T saw us, she called down to the Carlsbad office to consult with Dr P and Dr O about Hardee's case. Dr T is only at the Ontario office 2 days per week, but if we can work it out, we will only try and schedule with her from now on.
Dr T accepted our decision to not pursue further radiation on the new tumors. Yes, new tumors, as the radiologist report stated that the cancer had spread to both frontal sinuses in HH's forehead, instead of just the left frontal sinus that we saw on the scan from last week. Dr T talked to us about a newer chemo pill that we can give at home called Palladia. Palladia has only been out for about 2 years and has been used for Mast Cell Tumor cancers, but there is a new study starting up at Washington State that is trying it on nasal carcinomas. Though Hardee fits all the criteria for the study for the free expensive meds, check-ups, and CT scans, we cannot travel to Washington and be there long term.
Though the research I've read on Palladia isn't good, we are trying it anyway. We are on last ditch efforts here. The efficacy of Palladia is only about 40% and of the 40% whose tumors did shrink, it was short lived (3 months) and then the tumors grew right back. Palladia also has a very high percentage of nasty side effects. Hardee will start the Palladia this Monday, Jan. 2, 2012 and will get it every Mon., Wed., and Fri. We are giving him a low dose (50 mg) instead of the 80 mg recommended (hopefully it is enough to help), and we can stop the drug at any time.
Dr. T started Hardee on a stronger antibiotic to see if it helps control some of the drainage coming from his nose. We also talked to her about a sedative to give Hardee when we have to bring him back in for blood work in 2 weeks. The sedative, Acepromazine, does nothing for Hardee, so Dr T wrote a script for Valium. I hope it works! We also got a script for Gabepentin (Neurontin) to see if that helps control his pain, along with the Tramadol. HH rubs his face and head on anything he can, and he bats at it with his front legs/paws. I fear his pain, but Dr T doesn't think he is in horrible pain, though she does agree that it has to bother him quite a bit. Since the nose is so innervated, we are trying the "nerve drug" Neurontin to see if it helps.
Well, here it is Jan. 21, 2012. It's been 3.5 weeks since I started this post. So much for my new year's resolution to stop procrastinating. A busy life out having fun with the little Bubs keeps getting in the way. At least it is still all about joy and all about Hardee!
I'll write an update soon about the last 3.5 weeks, hopefully......
Since I wrote last, I still had not called and discussed things with the oncologist that did Hardee's scan last week. It was Christmas, and we just didn't want to have to talk about cancer for a couple days. Sometimes, it is just nice to try and pretend that things aren't the way they really are (as best you can), to escape reality, and take a couple days off. Since we were going to be in SoCal anyway this week, I called and scheduled an appointment so we could talk face to face with the oncologist instead of over the phone. Of course, Hardee was going to wait in the car instead of going inside after what happened last week.
When we got to our appointment and found out the oncologist that had done Hardee's scan didn't come in to that office as planned that day, I was pretty upset. There was another oncologist there that we could see, but the thought of starting fresh with another oncologist after a year and a half was almost unthinkable to me. It turned out to be the best thing ever, and I really liked her!!! She had some fresh ideas and a different perspective, and was very willing to work within our parameters. Also, before Dr T saw us, she called down to the Carlsbad office to consult with Dr P and Dr O about Hardee's case. Dr T is only at the Ontario office 2 days per week, but if we can work it out, we will only try and schedule with her from now on.
Dr T accepted our decision to not pursue further radiation on the new tumors. Yes, new tumors, as the radiologist report stated that the cancer had spread to both frontal sinuses in HH's forehead, instead of just the left frontal sinus that we saw on the scan from last week. Dr T talked to us about a newer chemo pill that we can give at home called Palladia. Palladia has only been out for about 2 years and has been used for Mast Cell Tumor cancers, but there is a new study starting up at Washington State that is trying it on nasal carcinomas. Though Hardee fits all the criteria for the study for the free expensive meds, check-ups, and CT scans, we cannot travel to Washington and be there long term.
Though the research I've read on Palladia isn't good, we are trying it anyway. We are on last ditch efforts here. The efficacy of Palladia is only about 40% and of the 40% whose tumors did shrink, it was short lived (3 months) and then the tumors grew right back. Palladia also has a very high percentage of nasty side effects. Hardee will start the Palladia this Monday, Jan. 2, 2012 and will get it every Mon., Wed., and Fri. We are giving him a low dose (50 mg) instead of the 80 mg recommended (hopefully it is enough to help), and we can stop the drug at any time.
Dr. T started Hardee on a stronger antibiotic to see if it helps control some of the drainage coming from his nose. We also talked to her about a sedative to give Hardee when we have to bring him back in for blood work in 2 weeks. The sedative, Acepromazine, does nothing for Hardee, so Dr T wrote a script for Valium. I hope it works! We also got a script for Gabepentin (Neurontin) to see if that helps control his pain, along with the Tramadol. HH rubs his face and head on anything he can, and he bats at it with his front legs/paws. I fear his pain, but Dr T doesn't think he is in horrible pain, though she does agree that it has to bother him quite a bit. Since the nose is so innervated, we are trying the "nerve drug" Neurontin to see if it helps.
Well, here it is Jan. 21, 2012. It's been 3.5 weeks since I started this post. So much for my new year's resolution to stop procrastinating. A busy life out having fun with the little Bubs keeps getting in the way. At least it is still all about joy and all about Hardee!
I'll write an update soon about the last 3.5 weeks, hopefully......
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Tues., Dec. 20, 2011 - Bleeding from the "good" side of his nose and another CT scan
This will be a hard update for me to write. So much has happened in a little over a week, and Hardee has suffered some trauma that is unforgivable, and I have no one to blame but myself. You will judge me harshly, but I am writing this all down in hopes it will help someone else like me who has never experienced anything like this before. I hope no dog has to endure what Hardee did on Monday. And the long story begins.
Over a week ago, Hardee started bleeding from the nose. What worried me about this bleed was it was unprovoked. There is usually a catalyst that sets off a bleed (a biopsy, vet treatments that caused his blood pressure to rise, chasing his ball too much, etc.), but there was none this time. HH was just sitting on the kitchen floor one morning with blood dripping out of his nose onto the floor. When we thought the bleeding was under control, HH would sneeze again, blowing out a clot, and we'd start all over again. Something else to worry about was the fact that the blood was coming from the "good" side of his nose. We have never had blood from that side of his nose before, though just recently we got a little mucoid drainage from there. Within hours, the blood was coming from both sides of his nose.
By Thursday afternoon, the bleeding had stopped, or so we thought. There was only old blood when he sneezed. Hardee and I went ahead to an interview we had scheduled at a hospice facility to start up his therapy dog work again that we had stopped sometime during his cancer treatments. All went well with no blood and everybody loved him, but he started reverse sneezing quite a bit. He got into a pattern of reverse sneezing that he couldn't stop when we were leaving the facility. Reverse sneezing is a bad sign and one that had disappeared for a year after we did radiation. I was getting more scared.
Since the bleeding had stopped for a while, we thought it safe to head for our 3 day agility trial that we had scheduled in SoCal. Instead of leaving Thursday afternoon for the trial, we didn't leave until very, very early Friday morning to make sure things were okay. Hardee ran great in both of his runs and got a double qualifying score with great times. After we got checked into the hotel, Hardee's nose started bleeding again, off and on, mainly when he sneezed, and mostly it was old blood. Good thing we packed our hydrogen peroxide and carpet cleaner sprays. We also packed flannel sheets to cover the floor carpeting in case of bleeding, and we have always packed flannel sheets that we cover the hotel bedding with. (For those on facebook, think about the post this afternoon about things to worry about from emails this year. Those who know me well will know of my germ phobia and how hotel rooms freak me out. The first thing off the bed is the bedspread, then the blanket is folded down with the sheet over it so I don't have to touch it, then everything is covered with our thick flannel sheets.) Who knew that my germ phobia would also be helpful for bleeding protection?
On Saturday morning, Jim was leaving for the trial to go scratch Hardee and pack up our set-up when Hardee jumped up and wanted to go with him. Because right then HH wasn't bleeding, we let him go, and Jim was going to play it by how the bleeding looked if it started again. Please keep in mind that we promised Hardee, through an animal communicator, that he could run agility until the end in exchange for letting us put him through all the radiation and chemo. Hardee ran great in all three of his runs, with great times, so a triple Q. His bleeding was on and off, so I called to see if we could get in to see one of his oncologists on Monday since we were already in SoCal. The bleeding was mostly gone on Sunday, and once again, Hardee ran great and double qualified. He has never had that great of an agility weekend before, qualifying in all 7 of his runs.
Hardee's cancer is very deceiving. The bleeding is painless, though the tumor growth must bother him, and I keep him on pain pills constantly. Hardee's oncologists say he probably doesn't need the pain pills, but I fear his pain so I give them anyway. Jim got many compliments on Hardee's great weekend and many "he sure doesn't look sick" comments. Jim explained, again, that he is not sick, that he has cancer and is dying, but he is not sick. In our book, there is a big difference. For those that saw the videos of his Sunday runs on facebook, you'll understand. A sick dog wouldn't run and bark like that.
Monday, our appointment was at 11:15 with the oncologist. A CT scan was recommended, as were chest radiographs. Hardee was taken in back for his exam and to have his radiographs done. Everything was fine with HH then, and his lungs were clear. I usually "treat" him after any vet procedure or send treats back with the technicians when he was getting chemo, but he couldn't have treats this time because of the anesthesia for the CT scan upcoming. Hardee is very smart and figured out quickly that no treats meant more procedures.
Hardee was taken in back again and given a shot of an anti-emetic because we had fed him breakfast. When he came back out and I couldn't give him any treats still, I could tell he was getting anxious about more procedures. He wouldn't sit or lay down or relax. It was like he didn't hear me or just couldn't oblige, and he was panting. I tried ear rubs and other calming techniques, but nothing was working. It had been 4 hours now, and we kept walking him outside for air to see if that would relax him more. When we came back inside he bit at his leash, twice. I had never seen this behavior before. I was just going to ask to see if there was sedative that we could give him when they finally called for us. I tried to warn the technician that he was getting very anxious and he was biting at his leash. She said, that no, he is fine and assured us that he had been fine when she had him in the back twice earlier.
This next part will be very hard for me to write. Hardee has been through so much, and it is one of the reasons we stopped chemo because Hardee couldn't handle it anymore, both physically and mentally. I am to blame, but I write it in hopes that others will recognize earlier that their dog is being pushed over the edge of coping and that their dog might need a sedative to help them cope regardless of what the technician says.
The tech took him in the back, and I was almost sick to my stomach to see him walk away so scared. Jim and I went to the car to sit and wait. A couple minutes later the tech was back saying that Hardee had lunged at them and tried to bite them when they went to pick him up and put him on the table, that they couldn't get control of him to get a muzzle on him, and that he was biting desperately at his leash. They took us in the back to put a muzzle on him. I tried to calm him to no avail, and he lunged at me to attack the muzzle I had in my hand getting my hand/finger in the process of biting the muzzle. They put us in a room thinking it would calm him down, and they went to get a basket muzzle. I tried to get that on him, but he attacked that too. He was biting at anything he could, except us, to get out of the situation. He was out of control, and I was petrified for him. Now his nose was really bleeding, and I didn't know what to do.
The tech wanted to get a sedative into him now. I asked how she was going to do that, and she said that I didn't want to know. I forced the issue, and she said that it involved the rabies pole and that she wouldn't tell me more. I sobbed as she led him away and sobbed as Jim and I discussed whether Hardee would be better served if we released him from all this horribleness now. We just couldn't send HH to the bridge without us being there to comfort him and tell him we loved him, and we couldn't be with him in his state of mind. We couldn't bear our last memory of him, or his last memory of us, to be like that. The tech assured us that we shouldn't even be considering putting him down and that he would be okay once he was out of that setting and that it was just fear aggression. It was a long, horrible wait to see if our boy was going to be okay, and if he would be able to be the boy we knew after what we had put him through. Even on our drive home, we wondered if we would have to release him to the bridge when we got home.
They woke him up quickly after his CT scan and brought him to us on a rolling table with a cone around his neck in case he tried to bite them. As I reached to scratch him under his jaw and on his neck, he was all wet in those areas. I asked why he was wet and if it was drool because of his earlier emotional state. They said he wasn't wet and that they didn't know. Both sides of his nose were bleeding, and as I went to take the cone off of him to load him into his crate, I could smell vomit on my hand. They denied adamantly that he had vomited with them. I could no longer argue with them and wondered what hell he had endured in the back. I just wanted my boy so we could start our long drive home because now it was late. Hardee's nose bleed had stopped by the time we got home late Monday night. His emotional state was back to normal also. Once he was awake from anesthesia and back in the car, he started coming back to his normal self.
The results of the scan were not good. The tumor has extensively progressed into the left nasal passage from where it had originated in the right, but even more devastating is that it has spread up into his left frontal sinus in his forehead almost completely blocking his entire sinus, thus the nose bleeds on his "good" side. It has only been 5.5 months since we stopped chemo and I was caught off guard how quickly the tumor had progressed and where. The oncologist thought it was fluid up in his frontal sinus, but I knew it was tumor and the radiologist confirmed my position.
The oncologist recommended palliative radiation on the new tumor in HH's forehead. That is 5 days straight of general anesthesia and radiation. We cannot do that to Hardee, again. We have all reached our saturation point of what we can endure, and I cannot endure seeing Hardee pushed to that state again, day after day. We feel we have done all that love can do, and all that love can endure. We will spend the rest of his days trying to regain Hardee's trust and begging for his forgiveness. When the time comes to release him to the bridge, we will look for an alternative other than taking him into a vet.
Our plan is to start Hardee back on the peroxicam and cyclophosphamide pills that we can give him at home. The problem with that plan is that he would need to get blood drawn every 3 weeks to check his kidney values. I plan to speak to the military vet here at Nellis AFB about some Valium that we can give HH at home before we come in for blood draws. I have to take him for blood draws regardless of whether we start those anti-cancer/chemo pills or not because we are trying to get his thyroid meds regulated that he just started. I thought Hardee was putting on weight because Jim had hurt his knee and they hadn't been running agility, but no, it was his thyroid being very low (chemo related?). If he gets too stressed for blood draws after we get his thyroid levels regulated, then we will quit the peroxicam and cyclophosphamide so he no longer needs to go into a vet.
The rest of our plan is to let Hardee continue his favorite sport, when he can, which is running agility, until it is time to release him from this cancer. The bleeding or his pain that I cannot get under control will dictate when that happens. The rest of the time he will be doing therapy work at a hospice facility, which I thought was very fitting. We had abandoned his therapy work along the cancer fighting path somewhere, and I got an email recently stating that a hospice facility was looking for therapy dogs. Hardee and I have both passed our interview, and I have passed the background check. We hope to start this weekend, if Hardee is up to it, but it might be after the new year.
I know some will judge harshly our plan, what we have done treatment-wise in the past, that we still let HH compete, what we let Hardee endure on Monday, my ability to judge Hardee's state of mind Monday, etc., but we are already racked with guilt over Monday, so no need to beat us up further. As far as everything else, dog people can be some of the nicest people ever, but also some of the most judgemental and cruelest. Some think they know best and have not been shy to tell us. I would ask that you please keep it to yourself. Truly, we are doing the best we can with what we know. I hate that we had to learn most of it at Hardee's expense, but when you know better, you do better. As far as letting HH still compete, his is an incurable cancer. He is terminal. Why not let him have quality of life until the end? He is not sick; he is dying, and he wants to live what life he has left with joy. I hope you all understand.
I realize, now, that when I write in a public forum, people expect to be able to respond, but I write in a public forum so that maybe people can learn from what we have been through. Maybe someone will recognize the signs and symptoms of nasal cancer earlier for their animal and be able to save them or extend their life out further than we got with Hardee's. Maybe this blog can act as a resource to guide others through what we have been through. At the very least, it is a written memory for me of our fight like hell against this horrible disease. We love our boy so much and hope somehow his fight to live helps someone else.
We don't know how much time we have left with Hardee, but I think you know by now that we will be out having fun until the end. It is and always will be, for as long as possible, all about joy and all about Hardee. You know we wouldn't have it any other way.
Thank you to all who have loved and supported us along our journey. We especially appreciate your love of Hardee. You have kept us going when our spirits have waned, and you have picked us up when we have stumbled. From the bottom of our hearts, thank you. Please keep us in your thoughts for peace and clarity when the time comes to release our beloved boy.
Over a week ago, Hardee started bleeding from the nose. What worried me about this bleed was it was unprovoked. There is usually a catalyst that sets off a bleed (a biopsy, vet treatments that caused his blood pressure to rise, chasing his ball too much, etc.), but there was none this time. HH was just sitting on the kitchen floor one morning with blood dripping out of his nose onto the floor. When we thought the bleeding was under control, HH would sneeze again, blowing out a clot, and we'd start all over again. Something else to worry about was the fact that the blood was coming from the "good" side of his nose. We have never had blood from that side of his nose before, though just recently we got a little mucoid drainage from there. Within hours, the blood was coming from both sides of his nose.
By Thursday afternoon, the bleeding had stopped, or so we thought. There was only old blood when he sneezed. Hardee and I went ahead to an interview we had scheduled at a hospice facility to start up his therapy dog work again that we had stopped sometime during his cancer treatments. All went well with no blood and everybody loved him, but he started reverse sneezing quite a bit. He got into a pattern of reverse sneezing that he couldn't stop when we were leaving the facility. Reverse sneezing is a bad sign and one that had disappeared for a year after we did radiation. I was getting more scared.
Since the bleeding had stopped for a while, we thought it safe to head for our 3 day agility trial that we had scheduled in SoCal. Instead of leaving Thursday afternoon for the trial, we didn't leave until very, very early Friday morning to make sure things were okay. Hardee ran great in both of his runs and got a double qualifying score with great times. After we got checked into the hotel, Hardee's nose started bleeding again, off and on, mainly when he sneezed, and mostly it was old blood. Good thing we packed our hydrogen peroxide and carpet cleaner sprays. We also packed flannel sheets to cover the floor carpeting in case of bleeding, and we have always packed flannel sheets that we cover the hotel bedding with. (For those on facebook, think about the post this afternoon about things to worry about from emails this year. Those who know me well will know of my germ phobia and how hotel rooms freak me out. The first thing off the bed is the bedspread, then the blanket is folded down with the sheet over it so I don't have to touch it, then everything is covered with our thick flannel sheets.) Who knew that my germ phobia would also be helpful for bleeding protection?
On Saturday morning, Jim was leaving for the trial to go scratch Hardee and pack up our set-up when Hardee jumped up and wanted to go with him. Because right then HH wasn't bleeding, we let him go, and Jim was going to play it by how the bleeding looked if it started again. Please keep in mind that we promised Hardee, through an animal communicator, that he could run agility until the end in exchange for letting us put him through all the radiation and chemo. Hardee ran great in all three of his runs, with great times, so a triple Q. His bleeding was on and off, so I called to see if we could get in to see one of his oncologists on Monday since we were already in SoCal. The bleeding was mostly gone on Sunday, and once again, Hardee ran great and double qualified. He has never had that great of an agility weekend before, qualifying in all 7 of his runs.
Hardee's cancer is very deceiving. The bleeding is painless, though the tumor growth must bother him, and I keep him on pain pills constantly. Hardee's oncologists say he probably doesn't need the pain pills, but I fear his pain so I give them anyway. Jim got many compliments on Hardee's great weekend and many "he sure doesn't look sick" comments. Jim explained, again, that he is not sick, that he has cancer and is dying, but he is not sick. In our book, there is a big difference. For those that saw the videos of his Sunday runs on facebook, you'll understand. A sick dog wouldn't run and bark like that.
Monday, our appointment was at 11:15 with the oncologist. A CT scan was recommended, as were chest radiographs. Hardee was taken in back for his exam and to have his radiographs done. Everything was fine with HH then, and his lungs were clear. I usually "treat" him after any vet procedure or send treats back with the technicians when he was getting chemo, but he couldn't have treats this time because of the anesthesia for the CT scan upcoming. Hardee is very smart and figured out quickly that no treats meant more procedures.
Hardee was taken in back again and given a shot of an anti-emetic because we had fed him breakfast. When he came back out and I couldn't give him any treats still, I could tell he was getting anxious about more procedures. He wouldn't sit or lay down or relax. It was like he didn't hear me or just couldn't oblige, and he was panting. I tried ear rubs and other calming techniques, but nothing was working. It had been 4 hours now, and we kept walking him outside for air to see if that would relax him more. When we came back inside he bit at his leash, twice. I had never seen this behavior before. I was just going to ask to see if there was sedative that we could give him when they finally called for us. I tried to warn the technician that he was getting very anxious and he was biting at his leash. She said, that no, he is fine and assured us that he had been fine when she had him in the back twice earlier.
This next part will be very hard for me to write. Hardee has been through so much, and it is one of the reasons we stopped chemo because Hardee couldn't handle it anymore, both physically and mentally. I am to blame, but I write it in hopes that others will recognize earlier that their dog is being pushed over the edge of coping and that their dog might need a sedative to help them cope regardless of what the technician says.
The tech took him in the back, and I was almost sick to my stomach to see him walk away so scared. Jim and I went to the car to sit and wait. A couple minutes later the tech was back saying that Hardee had lunged at them and tried to bite them when they went to pick him up and put him on the table, that they couldn't get control of him to get a muzzle on him, and that he was biting desperately at his leash. They took us in the back to put a muzzle on him. I tried to calm him to no avail, and he lunged at me to attack the muzzle I had in my hand getting my hand/finger in the process of biting the muzzle. They put us in a room thinking it would calm him down, and they went to get a basket muzzle. I tried to get that on him, but he attacked that too. He was biting at anything he could, except us, to get out of the situation. He was out of control, and I was petrified for him. Now his nose was really bleeding, and I didn't know what to do.
The tech wanted to get a sedative into him now. I asked how she was going to do that, and she said that I didn't want to know. I forced the issue, and she said that it involved the rabies pole and that she wouldn't tell me more. I sobbed as she led him away and sobbed as Jim and I discussed whether Hardee would be better served if we released him from all this horribleness now. We just couldn't send HH to the bridge without us being there to comfort him and tell him we loved him, and we couldn't be with him in his state of mind. We couldn't bear our last memory of him, or his last memory of us, to be like that. The tech assured us that we shouldn't even be considering putting him down and that he would be okay once he was out of that setting and that it was just fear aggression. It was a long, horrible wait to see if our boy was going to be okay, and if he would be able to be the boy we knew after what we had put him through. Even on our drive home, we wondered if we would have to release him to the bridge when we got home.
They woke him up quickly after his CT scan and brought him to us on a rolling table with a cone around his neck in case he tried to bite them. As I reached to scratch him under his jaw and on his neck, he was all wet in those areas. I asked why he was wet and if it was drool because of his earlier emotional state. They said he wasn't wet and that they didn't know. Both sides of his nose were bleeding, and as I went to take the cone off of him to load him into his crate, I could smell vomit on my hand. They denied adamantly that he had vomited with them. I could no longer argue with them and wondered what hell he had endured in the back. I just wanted my boy so we could start our long drive home because now it was late. Hardee's nose bleed had stopped by the time we got home late Monday night. His emotional state was back to normal also. Once he was awake from anesthesia and back in the car, he started coming back to his normal self.
The results of the scan were not good. The tumor has extensively progressed into the left nasal passage from where it had originated in the right, but even more devastating is that it has spread up into his left frontal sinus in his forehead almost completely blocking his entire sinus, thus the nose bleeds on his "good" side. It has only been 5.5 months since we stopped chemo and I was caught off guard how quickly the tumor had progressed and where. The oncologist thought it was fluid up in his frontal sinus, but I knew it was tumor and the radiologist confirmed my position.
The oncologist recommended palliative radiation on the new tumor in HH's forehead. That is 5 days straight of general anesthesia and radiation. We cannot do that to Hardee, again. We have all reached our saturation point of what we can endure, and I cannot endure seeing Hardee pushed to that state again, day after day. We feel we have done all that love can do, and all that love can endure. We will spend the rest of his days trying to regain Hardee's trust and begging for his forgiveness. When the time comes to release him to the bridge, we will look for an alternative other than taking him into a vet.
Our plan is to start Hardee back on the peroxicam and cyclophosphamide pills that we can give him at home. The problem with that plan is that he would need to get blood drawn every 3 weeks to check his kidney values. I plan to speak to the military vet here at Nellis AFB about some Valium that we can give HH at home before we come in for blood draws. I have to take him for blood draws regardless of whether we start those anti-cancer/chemo pills or not because we are trying to get his thyroid meds regulated that he just started. I thought Hardee was putting on weight because Jim had hurt his knee and they hadn't been running agility, but no, it was his thyroid being very low (chemo related?). If he gets too stressed for blood draws after we get his thyroid levels regulated, then we will quit the peroxicam and cyclophosphamide so he no longer needs to go into a vet.
The rest of our plan is to let Hardee continue his favorite sport, when he can, which is running agility, until it is time to release him from this cancer. The bleeding or his pain that I cannot get under control will dictate when that happens. The rest of the time he will be doing therapy work at a hospice facility, which I thought was very fitting. We had abandoned his therapy work along the cancer fighting path somewhere, and I got an email recently stating that a hospice facility was looking for therapy dogs. Hardee and I have both passed our interview, and I have passed the background check. We hope to start this weekend, if Hardee is up to it, but it might be after the new year.
I know some will judge harshly our plan, what we have done treatment-wise in the past, that we still let HH compete, what we let Hardee endure on Monday, my ability to judge Hardee's state of mind Monday, etc., but we are already racked with guilt over Monday, so no need to beat us up further. As far as everything else, dog people can be some of the nicest people ever, but also some of the most judgemental and cruelest. Some think they know best and have not been shy to tell us. I would ask that you please keep it to yourself. Truly, we are doing the best we can with what we know. I hate that we had to learn most of it at Hardee's expense, but when you know better, you do better. As far as letting HH still compete, his is an incurable cancer. He is terminal. Why not let him have quality of life until the end? He is not sick; he is dying, and he wants to live what life he has left with joy. I hope you all understand.
I realize, now, that when I write in a public forum, people expect to be able to respond, but I write in a public forum so that maybe people can learn from what we have been through. Maybe someone will recognize the signs and symptoms of nasal cancer earlier for their animal and be able to save them or extend their life out further than we got with Hardee's. Maybe this blog can act as a resource to guide others through what we have been through. At the very least, it is a written memory for me of our fight like hell against this horrible disease. We love our boy so much and hope somehow his fight to live helps someone else.
We don't know how much time we have left with Hardee, but I think you know by now that we will be out having fun until the end. It is and always will be, for as long as possible, all about joy and all about Hardee. You know we wouldn't have it any other way.
Thank you to all who have loved and supported us along our journey. We especially appreciate your love of Hardee. You have kept us going when our spirits have waned, and you have picked us up when we have stumbled. From the bottom of our hearts, thank you. Please keep us in your thoughts for peace and clarity when the time comes to release our beloved boy.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Wed., Dec. 7, 2011 - National Agility Championships
Our fabulous boy did it, again, this year and qualifed for the National Agility Championships. Jim and Hardee have never participated before because the Nationals have been held too far away, but this year they are being held in Reno, NV, March 30 - April 1, 2012, only about 425 miles away. The date is too far away to plan on attending because of Hardee's health, but we still hope and dream of the possibility.
Participation in the Nationals or not, it does not diminish our pride in Hardee and all that he has accomplished in spite of his nasal cancer. Throughout Hardee's cancer, he has shown us his fighting spirit, his will to live, and his love for life. We are proud of Hardee not only for what he has accomplished, but mostly we are proud of who he is. He is a fabulous boy dog, who brings so much joy to all.
We dream of many more weeks or months with our special guy. While we dream, we'll ensure it is all about joy and all about Hardee.
Participation in the Nationals or not, it does not diminish our pride in Hardee and all that he has accomplished in spite of his nasal cancer. Throughout Hardee's cancer, he has shown us his fighting spirit, his will to live, and his love for life. We are proud of Hardee not only for what he has accomplished, but mostly we are proud of who he is. He is a fabulous boy dog, who brings so much joy to all.
We dream of many more weeks or months with our special guy. While we dream, we'll ensure it is all about joy and all about Hardee.
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