Tues, Sept. 7, 2010 - After Labor Day weekend

It's been a while since I have written, but we took some time off for the holiday.  Plus, I've been in such a foul mood lately that I just didn't feel like writing anything upbeat when that's not how I've been feeling.  I hope for everyone else's sake, and my own, that I snap out of this mood soon.  The only one I haven't been ugly to is my precious boy, Hardee.  I'm very angry about this whole cancer crap and how young Hardee is.  I mourn the loss of his potential, and I mourn the loss of time with our boy.  He is our once in a lifetime dog, and I doubt we will have another like him.

Catching up on days I didn't write, Friday, Hardee and I rested.  Hard to do in a noisy hotel though.  Hardee needs a lot of rest right now, and I am catching up on my rest also.  Jim slept all morning, then went to set up at the agility site, then up the mountain to help my Mom with some chores.  Sat, Sun, and Mon., we had an agility trial.  It was terribly hot and humid on Sat. with a lot of flies and hornets.  As the days of the trial passed, it got a little cooler, but still had the insects.  The trial was at a horse facility.  Hardee ran very fast but was not clean.  There were some challenging courses that were hard to maneuver.  Hardee had a couple contact problems; Jim had a couple handling errors.  They qualified in a couple jumpers run, but no QQs and no standard Qs, which is what they needed.  Still, they gained some points and had a good time running.  Hardee was happy to be out there, which in turn made us happy.  Hardee still got his In-n-Out burgers because he keeps playing his cancer card.

Hardee is losing a bunch of hair, and I really noticed this last night while brushing him out.  On his head and a couple spots on his muzzle is where I really notice it, besides what is in his brush.  I don't know if this is from the radiation, but a friend mentioned that it could be from all the anesthesia.  Either way, my boy is losing his beautiful, soft hair and taking after his Dad and becoming hair follicle challenged. 

This morning we went to our weekly obedience lesson.  It went better than I expected, but he sneezed his way through our lesson.  He sneezes a lot and snorts, but even those symptoms seem to be slowing down a little.  Hardee's nose has been draining infection for about a week now, and usually he has a crusty right nostril.  Sometimes there is a little blood in the drainage.  He's developed some loss of pigmentation on his lips, and still has the purple color undertone.  He drinks a ton of water, and the input does not seem to match the output.  Also, he seems to be breathing easier.  He doesn't breathe like a fish all the time now. 

He's been on the pain pills for a week now but still his face really bothers him.  He uses his back paw to scratch at his face, paws it with his front paw, and rubs his face on anything he can find.  I'm going to increase the pain pills to 3 per day in hope that this will help with his discomfort.  No signs of mouth ulcers yet, and tomorrow will be 2 weeks from the start of radiation.  Fingers and paws crossed that HH doesn't have to go through ulcers.  Each day HHH (happy handsome Hardee) seems to get a little stronger.  This morning he was able to hold his long sit stay for the required time without laying down, and we did 2 practice sessions with that exercise.  Much better than last week.

This morning just after our obedience lesson ended, thankfully, and we got home, we had a couple brief downpours of rain.  Between downpours, H and I went outside to see if he wanted to play in some puddles because I regretted that I didn't let him after the last rain.  He didn't want to play (I think he was worn out after our obedience lesson), so we just wandered around the backyard enjoying the sight of everything washed free of dust and dirt, a rare sight in the desert.  The smells of a wet desert are wonderful.  HHH had his nose everywhere, even up in the air.  The smells were so fragrant that I think H could even smell them.  It was our moment of joy and peace for the day.

From what I wrote at the beginning of this blog post, you would think that I have given up hope.  I have NOT!  But at the same time, I'm trying to be realistic and prepare myself for what might be the inevitable.  I believe that is the root of my bad mood.  But, each day I try to find some good because it is all about joy and all about Hardee!!