Hardee is naked, except for his flag of course. As HH continued to lose more hair on his face and head, I tried to shave his muzzle back much farther than normal to blend with the hair loss areas. That only made HH look like big bird. I couldn't take the big yellow bird look anymore and shaved him down. We had been growing his coat out so he would look good at the National Specialty for PWDs. Oh well.....it is what it is. We've grown used to the look now, but at first it was quite startling. He doesn't look like himself at all, but it is growing on me.
One of the bad aspects of shaving H down is that he is cold. It's still been in the hundreds here, so the air conditioning is running full blast with the ceiling fans whirling. I didn't realize HH was cold and shivering until Monday night. Since H's nose has still been draining occasionally, he's been sleeping out in the family room on a recliner with Jim sleeping on the sofa with him. It wasn't until Jim went out of town for work that Hardee was in bed with me, and I could feel him shivering. HH now has his own blanket that I cover him with, even while he is sleeping during the day. Every time HH changes position, I get up and cover him again. I'm a light sleeper, so at night I usually catch every time H changes position also to recover him.
At our obedience lesson yesterday morning at 6am, it was chilly also for Hardee and our instructor's grass was very wet from the sprinklers. We live in the desert and since I've never seen H cold before, I don't have a jacket for him. At the last minute, I tried to fashion something to try and keep HH warm. I put one of Jim's tee shirts on H and tied it up around the hips. It was all baggy in the front and his leg kept getting stuck in one of the arm holes, so I put H's water harness on him to try and keep the shirt up closer to H's body. He looked extremely goofy, and he walked funny. Luckily, we have a private obedience lesson, but it is in her front yard where people jog by and there is a bus stop for kids. Hardee was extremely embarrassed, or maybe that was me that was embarrassed. We'll be going to PetSmart soon for a jacket or sweater.
Another bad aspect of shaving Hardee is that his allergies have been much worse. Come to find out his long hair usually shields him from a lot of the allergens that bother him. This past weekend, we went to So. Cal. to run agility and H's allergies went nuts. Hardee erupted everywhere, and he bit, licked, and scratched sores all over his body. The grass he was on was mostly weeds, and his body did not like it at all. I had stopped his allergy shots while Hardee's immune system is compromised with the cancer. I didn't want to stress his immune system anymore than it already is. I've placed a call to Hardee's dermatologist to hopefully get something that can help him temporarily since we'll be back in So Cal. soon for a week and a half. Hopefully the Derm. will consult with H's oncologist about drugs that won't make the tumor worse or compromise his immune system further.
Hardee has lost a little more hair on his face and head, but the hair loss seems to have leveled off. We worry about those bald areas getting sunburned though. I know that I could put sunscreen on him, but I worry about the sunscreen that I need to put on top of his head and forehead running down into his eyes and burning them. Trying to think of another option, my Mom and I got a laugh this morning about her suggestion to put a bonnet on H. Imagine that get-up that I had H in yesterday morning at obedience but now with a bonnet......poor boy! Not sure what he'll look like or what he'll be wearing when we bring him to the Specialty, but hopefully not anything too embarrassing!
I've noticed that H sneezes a little less now, rubs his face less, and his eye infections are now gone. He's playing with his stuffies more now and has quite a few zoomies each day. All very good signs!! But, I stayed awake last night worrying about what happened yesterday at obedience. Once again, I had problems with him picking up his dumbbell. He'd go out to get it and reach for it, but he didn't want to pick it up. When I insisted, because I thought he was messing with me, he picked it up with just his front teeth only, just on the very end of it and not in the middle like he's supposed to. If the tumor was actually shrinking from the radiation, you'd think that his mouth and teeth would hurt him less. I did not see those signs yesterday, and it worries me terribly. Also, I had given him a pain pill yesterday before we went to our obedience lesson, and he still didn't want to pick the dumbbell up.
My fear has now come back that this is an enemy that we cannot conquer. This tumor, this horrible enemy that has invaded our lives and tries to take the life of the one that I love most, might actually win. I go through periods of complete faith that we will conquer this enemy and banish it from our lives, but then swing to the lowest of lows where I seem to have lost all faith. And yesterday, after obedience, I am starting that downward spiral again. Jim is gone out of town for work again, and that might have something to do with my poor spirits.
We treasure each day that we have Hardee, and I try not to let him know when I am in poor spirits. We try hard each day to make his life pleasurable. Sometimes it is just extra love or snuggles, or a special adventure or treat. As mentally down as I might get, we still find joy in each day. Because as you all know, it is all about joy and all about Hardee. We cannot imagine our lives any other way.
Handsome Hardee
We are a patriotic family!
Face of Courage
Face of courage
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Thurs., Sept. 16, 2010 - Signs of Hardee's nasal tumor
This blog post will chronicle our path through the signs of a nasal tumor. Only problem is, we didn't know it was a nasal tumor at the time. By writing this, I hope to spare someone else the agony of what Hardee, and both Jim and I are going through. You can't possibly judge me as harshly as I do myself, but these signs and symptoms were easily explained away. All the signs seem so crystal clear now. There lies the evil of hindsight. And so it begins.
Over three years ago when Hardee was young and Jim was deployed again, I noticed some very light, as in pinkish, blood tinged spots on my bedding. If my bed blanket hadn't been beige, you probably wouldn't have noticed them. There was just one spot, then a couple others over time right where Hardee slept while Jim was gone. I took Hardee to the Vet, but because we didn't know where the blood was coming from, the vet said that maybe he had chewed something hard and that his gum was bleeding.
Hardee's crate mat is also beige, and over time, I noticed these same very light blood tinged spots on his crate mat always near the edges. Because of where the spots were, I always suspected the nose or mouth was the source of the blood but couldn't get any Vet to take me seriously about them. I went through many Vets over the years, disappointed in them not knowing what was wrong with our boy but also knowing that they thought I was a kook. I wrote to some friends on a list and asked if they had any ideas. Some suggested prostate issues and we had that checked out. Nothing could be found, and the spots of very light tinged blood weren't showing that consistently. I hate like hell to write this, but over time, the pinkish spots became the norm. We still had no proof as to where the blood tinged spots were coming from.
Something Hardee did and still does that could easily be explained away was he rubbed his face on anything he could find, the ground, our legs, the chairs, the sofa, etc. Hardee has Distichiasis (eyelashes that turn inward), and we thought he was rubbing his eyes because those eyelashes were bothering him. Also, I had read on some of the lists that PWDs rub the walls and other things, up and down hallways, etc. so I thought this was a normal occurrence. We now know Hardee was rubbing his face and muzzle area because of the growing tumor.
Hardee also had allergy and ear problems, and for a year we got wrapped up in that. The very light blood tinged spots were still showing occasionally and now were a little darker, meaning not so diluted. We continued to follow the path of the problems that had been diagnosed and ran with those. I guess you could say we ignored the spots of light blood, still not knowing from where they came, and followed the known path hoping that if we cleared up the other problems, the blood tinged spots would go away.
Around the middle of May of this year, I had Hardee's eyes Cerfed. Shortly after the Cerf appointment, Hardee's right eye started to water. I called the opthamologist's office and asked if they could have done anything to plug his tear duct. They said no. Since Hardee was having some bad allergies at the time, I chocked it up to his allergies making his eye water. I did wonder why it would be just one eye though. We now know that the tumor had grown big enough to block his tear duct, thus the tearing of just one eye.
While sitting in Hardee's Dermatologist's office in late May of this year talking to the Derm., I saw a drop of light colored blood at the end of Hardee's nose. After over three years, we finally had proof from where the blood was coming. The Dermatologist had scoped Hardee's ears, so I asked her if she could also scope his nose. The answer was no because she just sedates, and he would have to be under general anesthesia to have his nose scoped and needed it done by a specialist. We tried looking up inside his nose but couldn't see anything. I don't remember if I brought up the tearing eye to the Derm. or not, and evidently she didn't see it as she never mentioned it. I did bring up the fact that Hardee's nose had a couple small spots where it had lost it's pigment, but she didn't have an explanation for that.
By now, monetary issues were a problem with going to a specialist. I had lost my business due to the economy the year before and Jim had been unemployed for over a year. We had used the last of our savings on Hardee's numerous ear and allergy problems. We attended the last agility trial that we had already signed up for, the Mission Circuit, then I started saving money for the next couple months for his nose scoping.
This time I didn't tell friends or ask anyone about the nose blood because it was becoming a joke about my hypochondriac state that I was always in concerning Hardee. Deep down inside I knew something was wrong with him, and I kept pursuing things trying to find the cause. I ignored the obvious and pursued the wrong paths, but I just had never heard of a nasal tumor in dogs. Truly, I thought it was his allergies and that they were so bad that they kept his nose irritated enough to cause it to bleed just a little and his eye to water.
Hardee has always been a couch potato, except when we are out working or he is playing with other dogs. As time went on, he seemed to play a little less with Jim at night. He slept more, but I thought he was just maturing or sedated with all the different antihistamines we were trying. Right before his cancer diagnosis, he became even more tired. He didn't hold up as long at agility practice, but we thought it was the heat of the summer. He wouldn't hold his long sit stay in our obedience practice anymore and kept lying down. Also during obedience, he wouldn't pick up his dumbbell anymore, and if he did, he'd throw it down at my feet or drop it. Little did I know his mouth and teeth were hurting from the tumor. I couldn't figure out what was going on with him. We also had problems tracking him. He seemed like he had no interest in tracking anymore and would just stand there and eat grass, a sign of stress.
Another thing we noticed was that Hardee started to sneeze quite a bit. He also made more snoring like noises while sleeping. Once again, I attributed these signs to his allergies and that he was just going through a really bad patch with his allergies right then. About a month or two before Hardee's diagnosis, I noticed some creamy looking, yellowish, spots on my bed blanket. By now, I had changed the blanket color to red. If it had been the same beige blanket, I wouldn't have noticed these spots. I showed them to Jim, and we both came to the conclusion that it was smegma from Hardee, a penile discharge, otherwise known in our house as Hardee's "dick doo." Turns out that was the pocket of infection back behind the tumor that would sometimes leak out past the tumor.
Going back to my hypochondriac state with Hardee, I had a Rhodesian Ridgeback that died from hemangiosarcoma right before we got Hardee. Cessna, my RR, was my girl, and she went with me everywhere, to my office everyday, etc. As a paramedic, I just cannot forgive myself that I didn't recognize the signs that she had a tumor on her spleen that had burst, and she went into cardiac arrest in front of me. Deep inside, I knew something was wrong with her and kept taking Cess to the Vet also, but they couldn't find anything. Every time I would take Hardee into the Vet for all these not very clear problems, we would always tell Cessna's brief story and how I panic now over any tiny little thing.
At the end of last year a couple times at night after dinner, Hardee seemed uncomfortable and anxious where he kept moving around a bit more than usual or just standing and staring, head down, just like Cess had done. Most of the time these episodes were short lived where Jim didn't notice and by the time I brought it to his attention, the episode was over. One particular night, it happened again, lasted longer this time, and I had Jim rush Hardee up to the Vet on an emergency basis. I called the emergency line at a new Vet, embarrassed to take him to the one I had been at last because of my "hypochondriac state", got the new Vet to come back to the office after hours because I told him that I thought my dog had bloat. This episode happened after Hardee's dinner, so I thought that might be the problem. The new Vet couldn't find anything wrong with Hardee, once again. Less than a week later, Hardee had bilateral ear infections, so I thought that might have been Hardee's sign to me that his ears were starting to hurt.
Writing of other health problems, my RR, Cessna, also had bad environmental allergies. Since Hardee does also, I wonder if there is any correlation between allergies and cancer. I know they are 2 different types of cancer, spleenic hemangiosarcoma and nasal chondrosarcoma, but still it is quite a coincidence to me: 2 dogs, 2 cancers, both with severe environmental allergies. I wish I were a research Vet.
There were so many signs that were not clear enough to me, or numerous Vets, to pinpoint the problem. There were other health problems that these signs could be pushed onto. Go with your gut instinct and don't care whether they think you are a hypochondriac or not. Keep pursuing, doggedly :), answers for your pet's problems. Don't be a spineless wimp. You are your pet's best health advocate, and you know your best friend better than any Vet. Don't care whether they like you or not. Just some pearls of wisdom that Hardee and I have had to learn the hard way, at Hardee's expense.
If anyone would like to discuss these signs and symptoms further, I'd be more than happy. As painful as it is, I would like some good to come from Hardee's cancer, be it saving another dog, etc. As self-centered as this sounds, somehow I would like to redeem myself for what I overlooked with Hardee's symptoms. I'd be happy to discuss my Cessna's hemangiosarcoma also. There were certain things I noticed there also.
We still have hope for Hardee's return to full health. We'll live life to the fullest as long as HH is willing, and let him compete in what he loves. Someday we hope to return to tracking. Everyday is precious with our boy, and we try not to take his life for granted. We will find happiness each day, and as you all know by now, it is all about joy and all about Hardee!! We wouldn't have it any other way.
Over three years ago when Hardee was young and Jim was deployed again, I noticed some very light, as in pinkish, blood tinged spots on my bedding. If my bed blanket hadn't been beige, you probably wouldn't have noticed them. There was just one spot, then a couple others over time right where Hardee slept while Jim was gone. I took Hardee to the Vet, but because we didn't know where the blood was coming from, the vet said that maybe he had chewed something hard and that his gum was bleeding.
Hardee's crate mat is also beige, and over time, I noticed these same very light blood tinged spots on his crate mat always near the edges. Because of where the spots were, I always suspected the nose or mouth was the source of the blood but couldn't get any Vet to take me seriously about them. I went through many Vets over the years, disappointed in them not knowing what was wrong with our boy but also knowing that they thought I was a kook. I wrote to some friends on a list and asked if they had any ideas. Some suggested prostate issues and we had that checked out. Nothing could be found, and the spots of very light tinged blood weren't showing that consistently. I hate like hell to write this, but over time, the pinkish spots became the norm. We still had no proof as to where the blood tinged spots were coming from.
Something Hardee did and still does that could easily be explained away was he rubbed his face on anything he could find, the ground, our legs, the chairs, the sofa, etc. Hardee has Distichiasis (eyelashes that turn inward), and we thought he was rubbing his eyes because those eyelashes were bothering him. Also, I had read on some of the lists that PWDs rub the walls and other things, up and down hallways, etc. so I thought this was a normal occurrence. We now know Hardee was rubbing his face and muzzle area because of the growing tumor.
Hardee also had allergy and ear problems, and for a year we got wrapped up in that. The very light blood tinged spots were still showing occasionally and now were a little darker, meaning not so diluted. We continued to follow the path of the problems that had been diagnosed and ran with those. I guess you could say we ignored the spots of light blood, still not knowing from where they came, and followed the known path hoping that if we cleared up the other problems, the blood tinged spots would go away.
Around the middle of May of this year, I had Hardee's eyes Cerfed. Shortly after the Cerf appointment, Hardee's right eye started to water. I called the opthamologist's office and asked if they could have done anything to plug his tear duct. They said no. Since Hardee was having some bad allergies at the time, I chocked it up to his allergies making his eye water. I did wonder why it would be just one eye though. We now know that the tumor had grown big enough to block his tear duct, thus the tearing of just one eye.
While sitting in Hardee's Dermatologist's office in late May of this year talking to the Derm., I saw a drop of light colored blood at the end of Hardee's nose. After over three years, we finally had proof from where the blood was coming. The Dermatologist had scoped Hardee's ears, so I asked her if she could also scope his nose. The answer was no because she just sedates, and he would have to be under general anesthesia to have his nose scoped and needed it done by a specialist. We tried looking up inside his nose but couldn't see anything. I don't remember if I brought up the tearing eye to the Derm. or not, and evidently she didn't see it as she never mentioned it. I did bring up the fact that Hardee's nose had a couple small spots where it had lost it's pigment, but she didn't have an explanation for that.
By now, monetary issues were a problem with going to a specialist. I had lost my business due to the economy the year before and Jim had been unemployed for over a year. We had used the last of our savings on Hardee's numerous ear and allergy problems. We attended the last agility trial that we had already signed up for, the Mission Circuit, then I started saving money for the next couple months for his nose scoping.
This time I didn't tell friends or ask anyone about the nose blood because it was becoming a joke about my hypochondriac state that I was always in concerning Hardee. Deep down inside I knew something was wrong with him, and I kept pursuing things trying to find the cause. I ignored the obvious and pursued the wrong paths, but I just had never heard of a nasal tumor in dogs. Truly, I thought it was his allergies and that they were so bad that they kept his nose irritated enough to cause it to bleed just a little and his eye to water.
Hardee has always been a couch potato, except when we are out working or he is playing with other dogs. As time went on, he seemed to play a little less with Jim at night. He slept more, but I thought he was just maturing or sedated with all the different antihistamines we were trying. Right before his cancer diagnosis, he became even more tired. He didn't hold up as long at agility practice, but we thought it was the heat of the summer. He wouldn't hold his long sit stay in our obedience practice anymore and kept lying down. Also during obedience, he wouldn't pick up his dumbbell anymore, and if he did, he'd throw it down at my feet or drop it. Little did I know his mouth and teeth were hurting from the tumor. I couldn't figure out what was going on with him. We also had problems tracking him. He seemed like he had no interest in tracking anymore and would just stand there and eat grass, a sign of stress.
Another thing we noticed was that Hardee started to sneeze quite a bit. He also made more snoring like noises while sleeping. Once again, I attributed these signs to his allergies and that he was just going through a really bad patch with his allergies right then. About a month or two before Hardee's diagnosis, I noticed some creamy looking, yellowish, spots on my bed blanket. By now, I had changed the blanket color to red. If it had been the same beige blanket, I wouldn't have noticed these spots. I showed them to Jim, and we both came to the conclusion that it was smegma from Hardee, a penile discharge, otherwise known in our house as Hardee's "dick doo." Turns out that was the pocket of infection back behind the tumor that would sometimes leak out past the tumor.
Going back to my hypochondriac state with Hardee, I had a Rhodesian Ridgeback that died from hemangiosarcoma right before we got Hardee. Cessna, my RR, was my girl, and she went with me everywhere, to my office everyday, etc. As a paramedic, I just cannot forgive myself that I didn't recognize the signs that she had a tumor on her spleen that had burst, and she went into cardiac arrest in front of me. Deep inside, I knew something was wrong with her and kept taking Cess to the Vet also, but they couldn't find anything. Every time I would take Hardee into the Vet for all these not very clear problems, we would always tell Cessna's brief story and how I panic now over any tiny little thing.
At the end of last year a couple times at night after dinner, Hardee seemed uncomfortable and anxious where he kept moving around a bit more than usual or just standing and staring, head down, just like Cess had done. Most of the time these episodes were short lived where Jim didn't notice and by the time I brought it to his attention, the episode was over. One particular night, it happened again, lasted longer this time, and I had Jim rush Hardee up to the Vet on an emergency basis. I called the emergency line at a new Vet, embarrassed to take him to the one I had been at last because of my "hypochondriac state", got the new Vet to come back to the office after hours because I told him that I thought my dog had bloat. This episode happened after Hardee's dinner, so I thought that might be the problem. The new Vet couldn't find anything wrong with Hardee, once again. Less than a week later, Hardee had bilateral ear infections, so I thought that might have been Hardee's sign to me that his ears were starting to hurt.
Writing of other health problems, my RR, Cessna, also had bad environmental allergies. Since Hardee does also, I wonder if there is any correlation between allergies and cancer. I know they are 2 different types of cancer, spleenic hemangiosarcoma and nasal chondrosarcoma, but still it is quite a coincidence to me: 2 dogs, 2 cancers, both with severe environmental allergies. I wish I were a research Vet.
There were so many signs that were not clear enough to me, or numerous Vets, to pinpoint the problem. There were other health problems that these signs could be pushed onto. Go with your gut instinct and don't care whether they think you are a hypochondriac or not. Keep pursuing, doggedly :), answers for your pet's problems. Don't be a spineless wimp. You are your pet's best health advocate, and you know your best friend better than any Vet. Don't care whether they like you or not. Just some pearls of wisdom that Hardee and I have had to learn the hard way, at Hardee's expense.
If anyone would like to discuss these signs and symptoms further, I'd be more than happy. As painful as it is, I would like some good to come from Hardee's cancer, be it saving another dog, etc. As self-centered as this sounds, somehow I would like to redeem myself for what I overlooked with Hardee's symptoms. I'd be happy to discuss my Cessna's hemangiosarcoma also. There were certain things I noticed there also.
We still have hope for Hardee's return to full health. We'll live life to the fullest as long as HH is willing, and let him compete in what he loves. Someday we hope to return to tracking. Everyday is precious with our boy, and we try not to take his life for granted. We will find happiness each day, and as you all know by now, it is all about joy and all about Hardee!! We wouldn't have it any other way.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Tues., Sept. 14, 2010 - Hardee's belated birthday
On Sunday, Sept 12th, Hardee turned five and a half. Since we don't know how long HH will grace us with his presence, we celebrate these little milestones. He is the love of our lives, and of course, we want him with us forever but we know that is not realistic. Until then, we will treasure him as long as we can, though it will never ever be long enough.
We spent Thurs. through Sat. at Lake Castaic in So. Cal. setting up and practicing for our breed water trial. While there, Hardee started to get sores (ulcers) on the outside of his face. He also had an ulcer under his ear flap on his head at the top of his ear. Ulcers were not supposed to happen on the outside of his face, but neither was there supposed to be any hair loss. Because Hardee had open wounds, we pulled him from the trial because he shouldn't be in the dirty lake water.
By Saturday afternoon, Hardee also had an infection in his right eye. Since this was the eye that got radiated, I started to panic that this might indicate that HH was going to lose that eye, which was a slim possibility from the radiation. At the end of Sat., I abandoned my volunteer job at the water trial (so very sorry to everyone, especially Susan) and took HH back to the hotel and called Dr. Proulx.
Dr. Proulx continues to be shocked by all the side effects that Hardee has experienced that other dogs have not. I have to keep reminding myself that Hardee is only the third dog that Dr. Proulx has radiated with the gamma knife radiation for a nasal tumor, so they don't have a lot of statistics to go by as far as side effects are concerned. He thinks that maybe the radiation irritated his eye enough to cause the infection. The infection then spread to Hardee's other eye with all the rubbing that Hardee does on his face. Dr. P does NOT think that this infection is indicative of Hardee losing his eye, thank goodness. We might have to take another trip to Carlsbad, CA for Dr. Proulx to get a look at him and to get some pictures for his files.
For Hardee's 5.5 year birthday, we spent the morning in the hotel waiting for his prescriptions to be filled for pick up. Then, we checked out and headed home missing the last day of the water trial. Hardee had an In-n-Out Burger for his birthday celebration the night before. Conveniently, HH's favorite fast food was just across the street from the hotel.
Hardee's eyes are looking better and the ointment seems to be working, but his hair loss seems to get worse by the day. By the time of our breed National Specialty, I'm not sure what he'll look like. I know it doesn't matter how he looks, but I wish, going to our first breed Specialty where most people will see Hardee for the first time, that he looked his usual handsome self. When you do see him, don't judge his appearance too harshly. He doesn't seem to know and is his usual confident, happy, self.
Hardee still seems to be in pain. Even on the pain pills, he rubs and paws at his face frequently. Last night he pawed at his face for quite awhile before finally settling into sleep. This morning at our obedience lesson he didn't want to hold his dumbbell, still. I had forgotten to give him his pain pill before we went to obedience. I usually give it to him with his breakfast, but on obedience lesson day, he works for his breakfast. My brain wasn't functioning correctly at 5 a.m. this morning trying to make our 6 a.m. lesson, so he didn't get his pill. Because he was in pain, he'd run out to pick the dumbbell up but would mouth it and drop it before I could take it from him. Hopefully it won't turn into some ugly habit that I'll have to train away. Anyway, I hope we get it fixed before the Specialty when we have to compete.
Hardee has discharge from his nose and sores on the edge of his right nostril and up into his nose. I'm hoping they will be healed and the drainage will be done before the Specialty. Then all we'll have to plan is Hardee's "comb over" to try and camouflage is bald and thinning spots on his face and head.
In my concern for Hardee, I have shirked some of my duties. I've let the pressure of the situation get to me, and my emotions have come forth. I've been through some despair and lost hope a couple of times. I've not always been the nicest in the stress of the moment. For these downfalls I'm truly sorry, and I hope to be forgiven by those I've let down or offended.
We love Hardee so much and only want the best for him and his health. We hope we shower him with love every day enough to last a lifetime and beyond. It won't be enough for Jim and I, but we hope it is for Hardee.
Until then, it is all about joy and all about Hardee!!
We spent Thurs. through Sat. at Lake Castaic in So. Cal. setting up and practicing for our breed water trial. While there, Hardee started to get sores (ulcers) on the outside of his face. He also had an ulcer under his ear flap on his head at the top of his ear. Ulcers were not supposed to happen on the outside of his face, but neither was there supposed to be any hair loss. Because Hardee had open wounds, we pulled him from the trial because he shouldn't be in the dirty lake water.
By Saturday afternoon, Hardee also had an infection in his right eye. Since this was the eye that got radiated, I started to panic that this might indicate that HH was going to lose that eye, which was a slim possibility from the radiation. At the end of Sat., I abandoned my volunteer job at the water trial (so very sorry to everyone, especially Susan) and took HH back to the hotel and called Dr. Proulx.
Dr. Proulx continues to be shocked by all the side effects that Hardee has experienced that other dogs have not. I have to keep reminding myself that Hardee is only the third dog that Dr. Proulx has radiated with the gamma knife radiation for a nasal tumor, so they don't have a lot of statistics to go by as far as side effects are concerned. He thinks that maybe the radiation irritated his eye enough to cause the infection. The infection then spread to Hardee's other eye with all the rubbing that Hardee does on his face. Dr. P does NOT think that this infection is indicative of Hardee losing his eye, thank goodness. We might have to take another trip to Carlsbad, CA for Dr. Proulx to get a look at him and to get some pictures for his files.
For Hardee's 5.5 year birthday, we spent the morning in the hotel waiting for his prescriptions to be filled for pick up. Then, we checked out and headed home missing the last day of the water trial. Hardee had an In-n-Out Burger for his birthday celebration the night before. Conveniently, HH's favorite fast food was just across the street from the hotel.
Hardee's eyes are looking better and the ointment seems to be working, but his hair loss seems to get worse by the day. By the time of our breed National Specialty, I'm not sure what he'll look like. I know it doesn't matter how he looks, but I wish, going to our first breed Specialty where most people will see Hardee for the first time, that he looked his usual handsome self. When you do see him, don't judge his appearance too harshly. He doesn't seem to know and is his usual confident, happy, self.
Hardee still seems to be in pain. Even on the pain pills, he rubs and paws at his face frequently. Last night he pawed at his face for quite awhile before finally settling into sleep. This morning at our obedience lesson he didn't want to hold his dumbbell, still. I had forgotten to give him his pain pill before we went to obedience. I usually give it to him with his breakfast, but on obedience lesson day, he works for his breakfast. My brain wasn't functioning correctly at 5 a.m. this morning trying to make our 6 a.m. lesson, so he didn't get his pill. Because he was in pain, he'd run out to pick the dumbbell up but would mouth it and drop it before I could take it from him. Hopefully it won't turn into some ugly habit that I'll have to train away. Anyway, I hope we get it fixed before the Specialty when we have to compete.
Hardee has discharge from his nose and sores on the edge of his right nostril and up into his nose. I'm hoping they will be healed and the drainage will be done before the Specialty. Then all we'll have to plan is Hardee's "comb over" to try and camouflage is bald and thinning spots on his face and head.
In my concern for Hardee, I have shirked some of my duties. I've let the pressure of the situation get to me, and my emotions have come forth. I've been through some despair and lost hope a couple of times. I've not always been the nicest in the stress of the moment. For these downfalls I'm truly sorry, and I hope to be forgiven by those I've let down or offended.
We love Hardee so much and only want the best for him and his health. We hope we shower him with love every day enough to last a lifetime and beyond. It won't be enough for Jim and I, but we hope it is for Hardee.
Until then, it is all about joy and all about Hardee!!
Friday, September 10, 2010
Fri, Sept. 10, 2010 - Hardee's hair loss
Each day, Hardee continues to lose more hair. His hair loss seems to be localized to his head, face, and muzzle area. I do get more hair in the brush when I brush his body, but I haven't noticed any bald spots anywhere but his head and face area. The bald spot that is the most noticeable is a big area under his right eye where he even seems to have a small sore that has scabbed over. The skin showing there seems to be a little inflamed also. I do see the missing hair areas and thinning areas more when he is wet.
I did talk to Hardee's radiation oncologist about all the hair loss. He said he was not expecting that to happen, and he seems to think that it might be because of his breed. His suspicion is that dogs that have hair, instead of fur, would be more likely to lose hair during radiation. He hopes that the hair loss is not permanent, but he is not sure. Hardee is the first Portuguese Water Dog that he has radiated, and only the third dog to get the gamma knife radiation for a nasal tumor.
Also, I talked to Dr. Proulx about why Hardee would be losing hair other than where I thought he would be radiated for the tumor area. The loss of hair on top of his head and the left side of his muzzle back above the corner of his mouth had me stumped. Dr. P said that the radiation enters him from numerous different angles and positions so that accounts for those hair loss areas.
Hardee seems to be in some pain. He rubs his face whenever he can and on whatever he can find to rub it on. Also, he'll just let out a big yelp before he goes to rubbing which leads me to think he is in pain. I feel so badly for him. I am helpless and want so badly to take this from him.
We are in So Cal currently, getting ready for our water trial. We had a short practice yesterday that went better than last week's practice. We are still not where I hoped we would be towards competing but that's understandable given all the circumstances.
Yesterday at water practice, I thought that Hardee might finally be developing the mouth ulcers because he was refusing water. I purposely fed him kibble for dinner (though I have soft mush with me also to feed him) to see if he refused that. He didn't, so maybe no mouth ulcers yet. Remember that I am using his refusal to eat or drink to let me know when he has the ulcers inside his mouth. My other choice is to wrestle him and pry his mouth open, and I don't want to grab his muzzle because I know it hurts him.
I'm still playing it by how I think Hardee feels as to whether or not we'll compete the next 2 days. I think I know my dog well enough to know if he doesn't want to do this. I don't hold any hope of passing though. Until then, I'll be busy being the chief ring steward in charge of all the volunteers. I have to make sure that all the volunteers are lined up and ready to do their jobs. Tons of volunteers are required for a water trial, so lots to do.
Hopefully I won't be too busy to find some happy times with our boy this weekend. Because as you know, it is all about joy and all about Hardee!!
I did talk to Hardee's radiation oncologist about all the hair loss. He said he was not expecting that to happen, and he seems to think that it might be because of his breed. His suspicion is that dogs that have hair, instead of fur, would be more likely to lose hair during radiation. He hopes that the hair loss is not permanent, but he is not sure. Hardee is the first Portuguese Water Dog that he has radiated, and only the third dog to get the gamma knife radiation for a nasal tumor.
Also, I talked to Dr. Proulx about why Hardee would be losing hair other than where I thought he would be radiated for the tumor area. The loss of hair on top of his head and the left side of his muzzle back above the corner of his mouth had me stumped. Dr. P said that the radiation enters him from numerous different angles and positions so that accounts for those hair loss areas.
Hardee seems to be in some pain. He rubs his face whenever he can and on whatever he can find to rub it on. Also, he'll just let out a big yelp before he goes to rubbing which leads me to think he is in pain. I feel so badly for him. I am helpless and want so badly to take this from him.
We are in So Cal currently, getting ready for our water trial. We had a short practice yesterday that went better than last week's practice. We are still not where I hoped we would be towards competing but that's understandable given all the circumstances.
Yesterday at water practice, I thought that Hardee might finally be developing the mouth ulcers because he was refusing water. I purposely fed him kibble for dinner (though I have soft mush with me also to feed him) to see if he refused that. He didn't, so maybe no mouth ulcers yet. Remember that I am using his refusal to eat or drink to let me know when he has the ulcers inside his mouth. My other choice is to wrestle him and pry his mouth open, and I don't want to grab his muzzle because I know it hurts him.
I'm still playing it by how I think Hardee feels as to whether or not we'll compete the next 2 days. I think I know my dog well enough to know if he doesn't want to do this. I don't hold any hope of passing though. Until then, I'll be busy being the chief ring steward in charge of all the volunteers. I have to make sure that all the volunteers are lined up and ready to do their jobs. Tons of volunteers are required for a water trial, so lots to do.
Hopefully I won't be too busy to find some happy times with our boy this weekend. Because as you know, it is all about joy and all about Hardee!!
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Tues, Sept. 7, 2010 - After Labor Day weekend
It's been a while since I have written, but we took some time off for the holiday. Plus, I've been in such a foul mood lately that I just didn't feel like writing anything upbeat when that's not how I've been feeling. I hope for everyone else's sake, and my own, that I snap out of this mood soon. The only one I haven't been ugly to is my precious boy, Hardee. I'm very angry about this whole cancer crap and how young Hardee is. I mourn the loss of his potential, and I mourn the loss of time with our boy. He is our once in a lifetime dog, and I doubt we will have another like him.
Catching up on days I didn't write, Friday, Hardee and I rested. Hard to do in a noisy hotel though. Hardee needs a lot of rest right now, and I am catching up on my rest also. Jim slept all morning, then went to set up at the agility site, then up the mountain to help my Mom with some chores. Sat, Sun, and Mon., we had an agility trial. It was terribly hot and humid on Sat. with a lot of flies and hornets. As the days of the trial passed, it got a little cooler, but still had the insects. The trial was at a horse facility. Hardee ran very fast but was not clean. There were some challenging courses that were hard to maneuver. Hardee had a couple contact problems; Jim had a couple handling errors. They qualified in a couple jumpers run, but no QQs and no standard Qs, which is what they needed. Still, they gained some points and had a good time running. Hardee was happy to be out there, which in turn made us happy. Hardee still got his In-n-Out burgers because he keeps playing his cancer card.
Hardee is losing a bunch of hair, and I really noticed this last night while brushing him out. On his head and a couple spots on his muzzle is where I really notice it, besides what is in his brush. I don't know if this is from the radiation, but a friend mentioned that it could be from all the anesthesia. Either way, my boy is losing his beautiful, soft hair and taking after his Dad and becoming hair follicle challenged.
This morning we went to our weekly obedience lesson. It went better than I expected, but he sneezed his way through our lesson. He sneezes a lot and snorts, but even those symptoms seem to be slowing down a little. Hardee's nose has been draining infection for about a week now, and usually he has a crusty right nostril. Sometimes there is a little blood in the drainage. He's developed some loss of pigmentation on his lips, and still has the purple color undertone. He drinks a ton of water, and the input does not seem to match the output. Also, he seems to be breathing easier. He doesn't breathe like a fish all the time now.
He's been on the pain pills for a week now but still his face really bothers him. He uses his back paw to scratch at his face, paws it with his front paw, and rubs his face on anything he can find. I'm going to increase the pain pills to 3 per day in hope that this will help with his discomfort. No signs of mouth ulcers yet, and tomorrow will be 2 weeks from the start of radiation. Fingers and paws crossed that HH doesn't have to go through ulcers. Each day HHH (happy handsome Hardee) seems to get a little stronger. This morning he was able to hold his long sit stay for the required time without laying down, and we did 2 practice sessions with that exercise. Much better than last week.
This morning just after our obedience lesson ended, thankfully, and we got home, we had a couple brief downpours of rain. Between downpours, H and I went outside to see if he wanted to play in some puddles because I regretted that I didn't let him after the last rain. He didn't want to play (I think he was worn out after our obedience lesson), so we just wandered around the backyard enjoying the sight of everything washed free of dust and dirt, a rare sight in the desert. The smells of a wet desert are wonderful. HHH had his nose everywhere, even up in the air. The smells were so fragrant that I think H could even smell them. It was our moment of joy and peace for the day.
From what I wrote at the beginning of this blog post, you would think that I have given up hope. I have NOT! But at the same time, I'm trying to be realistic and prepare myself for what might be the inevitable. I believe that is the root of my bad mood. But, each day I try to find some good because it is all about joy and all about Hardee!!
Catching up on days I didn't write, Friday, Hardee and I rested. Hard to do in a noisy hotel though. Hardee needs a lot of rest right now, and I am catching up on my rest also. Jim slept all morning, then went to set up at the agility site, then up the mountain to help my Mom with some chores. Sat, Sun, and Mon., we had an agility trial. It was terribly hot and humid on Sat. with a lot of flies and hornets. As the days of the trial passed, it got a little cooler, but still had the insects. The trial was at a horse facility. Hardee ran very fast but was not clean. There were some challenging courses that were hard to maneuver. Hardee had a couple contact problems; Jim had a couple handling errors. They qualified in a couple jumpers run, but no QQs and no standard Qs, which is what they needed. Still, they gained some points and had a good time running. Hardee was happy to be out there, which in turn made us happy. Hardee still got his In-n-Out burgers because he keeps playing his cancer card.
Hardee is losing a bunch of hair, and I really noticed this last night while brushing him out. On his head and a couple spots on his muzzle is where I really notice it, besides what is in his brush. I don't know if this is from the radiation, but a friend mentioned that it could be from all the anesthesia. Either way, my boy is losing his beautiful, soft hair and taking after his Dad and becoming hair follicle challenged.
This morning we went to our weekly obedience lesson. It went better than I expected, but he sneezed his way through our lesson. He sneezes a lot and snorts, but even those symptoms seem to be slowing down a little. Hardee's nose has been draining infection for about a week now, and usually he has a crusty right nostril. Sometimes there is a little blood in the drainage. He's developed some loss of pigmentation on his lips, and still has the purple color undertone. He drinks a ton of water, and the input does not seem to match the output. Also, he seems to be breathing easier. He doesn't breathe like a fish all the time now.
He's been on the pain pills for a week now but still his face really bothers him. He uses his back paw to scratch at his face, paws it with his front paw, and rubs his face on anything he can find. I'm going to increase the pain pills to 3 per day in hope that this will help with his discomfort. No signs of mouth ulcers yet, and tomorrow will be 2 weeks from the start of radiation. Fingers and paws crossed that HH doesn't have to go through ulcers. Each day HHH (happy handsome Hardee) seems to get a little stronger. This morning he was able to hold his long sit stay for the required time without laying down, and we did 2 practice sessions with that exercise. Much better than last week.
This morning just after our obedience lesson ended, thankfully, and we got home, we had a couple brief downpours of rain. Between downpours, H and I went outside to see if he wanted to play in some puddles because I regretted that I didn't let him after the last rain. He didn't want to play (I think he was worn out after our obedience lesson), so we just wandered around the backyard enjoying the sight of everything washed free of dust and dirt, a rare sight in the desert. The smells of a wet desert are wonderful. HHH had his nose everywhere, even up in the air. The smells were so fragrant that I think H could even smell them. It was our moment of joy and peace for the day.
From what I wrote at the beginning of this blog post, you would think that I have given up hope. I have NOT! But at the same time, I'm trying to be realistic and prepare myself for what might be the inevitable. I believe that is the root of my bad mood. But, each day I try to find some good because it is all about joy and all about Hardee!!
Friday, September 3, 2010
Thurs. Sept. 2, 2010 - Lake Castaic and water practice
Since I haven't noticed any signs of mouth ulcers, I took Hardee and drove to So. Calif. today for water practice for Portuguese Water Dogs at Lake Castaic. We haven't been to practice for a month and a half, and it really showed. HH wasn't his usual self, but that's a given. I was hoping that because Hardee has continued to do well with agility, the same might hold true for water. Not so. All the exercises we had been training for, he seemed to have forgotten, and he was very confused. He was really off today. I have to keep reminding myself that he has cancer and has just been through quite a lot, including being so sick that he required a stay in ICU, and radiation less than a week ago.
Because I don't know how much longer HH will be with us and we might not have a next summer (my heartbeat goes chaotic and I tear up just writing that), I really wanted to try and have Hardee ready to compete at our club's water trial next weekend. Today, I realized that my goal is probably not going to be achieved. Before all this cancer crap invaded and stole our oh so normal lives, H was doing very well with his water work.
One of the biggest side effects of this cancer and radiation that I noticed today is how quickly Hardee gets tired. His stamina is gone. His drive and love of water is still there, but his endurance is gone. He had a hard time breathing while trying to complete some of his tasks. Since he really cannot breathe through his nose very well, if at all, he had a hard time trying to breathe through his mouth around his big bumpers that he has to retrieve. It would be easier if he carried the bumpers by the rope attached to the bumper end, but he doesn't and has to have the whole thing in his mouth. Silly boy!
Jim drove down after work tonight and met us for the holiday weekend here in So. Cal. Jim and Hardee have a 3 day agility trial that starts on Saturday. I go watch them because I am their ASS (agility support staff or agility support spouse). Truly, I love agility trials, and there is just nothing better than watching Hardee and others run. Tomorrow we rest, set up at agility, and go up the mountain to help my Mom with a couple things. One of us will stay with Hardee in the hotel room because he cannot go up in the elevation of the mountains right now.
Today's water practice did not go as I had planned, but Hardee had fun and got to swim and retrieve. He was happy which made me happy even through my disappointment. And you know, it is all about joy and all about Hardee!!
Because I don't know how much longer HH will be with us and we might not have a next summer (my heartbeat goes chaotic and I tear up just writing that), I really wanted to try and have Hardee ready to compete at our club's water trial next weekend. Today, I realized that my goal is probably not going to be achieved. Before all this cancer crap invaded and stole our oh so normal lives, H was doing very well with his water work.
One of the biggest side effects of this cancer and radiation that I noticed today is how quickly Hardee gets tired. His stamina is gone. His drive and love of water is still there, but his endurance is gone. He had a hard time breathing while trying to complete some of his tasks. Since he really cannot breathe through his nose very well, if at all, he had a hard time trying to breathe through his mouth around his big bumpers that he has to retrieve. It would be easier if he carried the bumpers by the rope attached to the bumper end, but he doesn't and has to have the whole thing in his mouth. Silly boy!
Jim drove down after work tonight and met us for the holiday weekend here in So. Cal. Jim and Hardee have a 3 day agility trial that starts on Saturday. I go watch them because I am their ASS (agility support staff or agility support spouse). Truly, I love agility trials, and there is just nothing better than watching Hardee and others run. Tomorrow we rest, set up at agility, and go up the mountain to help my Mom with a couple things. One of us will stay with Hardee in the hotel room because he cannot go up in the elevation of the mountains right now.
Today's water practice did not go as I had planned, but Hardee had fun and got to swim and retrieve. He was happy which made me happy even through my disappointment. And you know, it is all about joy and all about Hardee!!
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