Hardee has been suffering the side effects of chemo. The joy we felt last Thursday when we got the news that Hardee's tumor had shrunk was over-ridden by the fact that he was getting really sick from the chemo.
Chemo was last Thursday afternoon in So Cal, and by Friday morning HH was already showing signs of stomach upset by not wanting to eat. Once I got all his pills in him, he seemed okay in a couple hours. This continued off and on through Sunday morning, and we were still in California. Even with all his anti-nausea pills every 8 hours, later on Sunday morning Hardee started salivating and drooling excessively. By the time we got him to the emergency vet, he was dehydrated from losing so much fluid through his mouth. They gave him subcutaneous fluids and a shot of an anti-nausea drug, dolasetron. After a couple hours, they released him and said he was much better. He wasn't. I had them give me a shot of Cerenia, another anti-nausea med, that I could administer later that night. We had a long trip back to Vegas ahead of us, and I knew it would not be easy on Hardee.
I gave the shot to Hardee when we got home around 11pm. It did not help, and he was sopping wet from drooling. He did not want to get out of his crate in the car when we got home. He wouldn't eat or drink and only wanted to be out back in the cold air. We could not possibly spend the night out there, so I relented as he got back in his crate in the car in the cold garage and let him stay there. I covered him up with blankets, propped his head up with towels to absorb the drool and so he would not aspirate, and went inside to get a chair to sit by him. This is how we spent the night, and Hardee did not sleep once.
Monday morning early I emailed and was on the phone to HH's oncologist in So Cal. He had me take Hardee directly to the hospital that first diagnosed Hardee's tumor where there is a an oncologist on duty, and they admitted him directly to ICU. I.V. fluids and continuous anti-nausea drugs did not work, and he was still sick. The next day we were going to ultrasound his belly to see if we were now dealing with something else (had the cancer spread?), but we decided against it. All it would give us is possibly more bad news. It would not change our game plan, so we did not do it. We can save that money and put it towards his other bills as we are well over $35,000.00 now. I honestly think it was just the bad side effects of chemo anyway.
HH is home now. He is finally eating, but not very much, and we have tried everything. His faves now are jarred baby food, namely beef and gravy, and ham and gravy. The hard boiled egg that he ate last night, he now turns his nose up at, so I go back to the old stand by of baby food. It works, and he's home and eating, so I'm happy. He still has diarrhea, but even today that is getting a little better.
Now back to the tumor growth. Even though we got the fabulous news last week that his tumor was smaller, it is a short reprieve. It will regrow. We don't know if it is the long term effects of radiation that have worked to shrink it a little, or is it the chemo. Consensus is that it was the long term effects of radiation. If it was the chemo that worked, the tumor would be smaller. Because we don't know which had the small effect, we will continue chemo and CT scan again in 2 months. More chemo treatments will be decided after the next CT scan. My feeling is that it was the radiation that continued to work a little.
On the bright side, while HH was in the hospital he didn't get any pain pills. He hasn't had the pain pills for 6 days now and he doesn't seem to be in that much pain, so for now we will forgo the pain pills. We'll add them back in when needed. Also while HH was in the hospital, the oncologist on duty here didn't seem to think that Hardee should be on the oral chemo pill that I give daily at home. She said that it works by blocking blood flow to the tumor, and right now while HH is getting I.V. chemo we want the I.V. chemo to be able to get to the tumor to try and kill it. I'm confused about that pill now and haven't started Hardee back on it just yet. I need to research it more and ask his oncologist in So Cal about it because he's the one who had us start it.
We don't know how much more time the tumor shrinkage will give us, but we'll take any extra quality time that we can get with our boy. I stress the quality time, without pain that we cannot control, and without bleeding that we cannot control. We love him too much to make him suffer while he waits to go to the rainbow bridge. That being said, every one's assessment of our situation and of suffering is different. The word suffering is so subjective. We are the one's living it, and we know our boy. Most of you don't even know Hardee personally, and sometimes get the wrong impression about what I write. Hardee has let us know that he wants to fight on. He loves life, and we love him. We will know when it is time. It won't be easy, but we will know.
Until then, it is all about joy, and all about Hardee. He is full of joy, as are we to still have him with us.
Handsome Hardee
We are a patriotic family!
Face of Courage
Face of courage
Friday, January 28, 2011
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Thurs., Jan. 20th, 2011 - Good news!
The tumor is shrinking!!!!! I am sobbing tears of joy, and at the same time, doing a happy dance!
HH is getting more chemo as I write. He's getting the really bad one that he got back in Nov. that I've been putting off doing again because of the bad side effects. We don't know which chemo drug is doing the trick, so to hedge our bets, we've got to do the bad chemo again.
I cannot express our relief and our immense joy! And to think we almost lost him back in November. We are beyond thrilled!!!
It really is all about joy and all about Hardee!
HH is getting more chemo as I write. He's getting the really bad one that he got back in Nov. that I've been putting off doing again because of the bad side effects. We don't know which chemo drug is doing the trick, so to hedge our bets, we've got to do the bad chemo again.
I cannot express our relief and our immense joy! And to think we almost lost him back in November. We are beyond thrilled!!!
It really is all about joy and all about Hardee!
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Wed., Jan. 12, 2011 - Happy New Year!
Happy 2011 to all. So far it has been a good year. I know it has been less than 2 weeks, but we never know how much time we have so we are making the most of it. Today is Handsome Hardee's 5 year and 10 month birthday. Two months ago, we almost didn't make it to here, so we celebrate each month he gets older and is still with us. It has also been almost exactly 5 months since the dreaded diagnosis.
To catch you up on Hardee, he is doing great right now. He's had three I.V. chemo treatments and is getting ready for his 4th next week. Also next week when we go for chemo, Hardee is getting general anesthesia for another CT scan so we can assess the tumor growth. It has been 2 months since we did the last scan, and I'd like to know if the chemo is having any affect on the tumor. HH still gets a daily chemo pill, and I'm hoping the combination of the chemo is helping to shrink the tumor or at least stop the rapid growth that was occurring in November.
This next round of chemo, I think we'll go back to the chemo that he got the very first time....the one that made him so sick. We are better prepared to fight the side effects this time and hopefully ward off the effects. We've done Carboplatin two times in a row now, and we need to go back to the original chemo sometime. A person on my canine cancer list tried Carboplatin for her dog's nasal tumor and it didn't work at all, so now I am afraid to try it again without trying another chemo first. We'll do the scan before we do the chemo, so depending on the scan results, we'll decide then on what chemo to use.
Hardee has lost so much hair while on chemo. It has hit his white areas hard, and he only has small areas of white hair left that are patchy, at best. Hardee's brown hair seems to be falling out much more evenly. I'm thinking hard about shaving him down again. After I got used to the shaved look in September, when I first shaved him down, it didn't look that bad to me. The sad part is that HH is losing his tail flag. The tip of his tail is bare where the white part of his flag used to be.
Hardee is his happy, confident self still. He loves life, and we love him. His nose still drains quite a bit of goop, that also drains down the back of his throat and gags him often, and is blood tinged. He still sneezes often, especially when he is up and moving. I still worry with each sneeze because it can set off a bleed that we might not be able to control. Two months ago, we didn't think he would make it until now, and now my goal is to have him for his 6th birthday, March 12th.
Keep us, and especially Hardee, in your thoughts and prayers next week for better results from the CT scan on Thurs., Jan 20th. Add in some special blessings for a friend's dog that has come out of remission for his cancer. He is young, like Hardee, and such a special boy. I'll update Hardee's blog when I know something at the end of next week.
Until then, it is all about joy and all about Hardee. We can't imagine our lives any other way.
To catch you up on Hardee, he is doing great right now. He's had three I.V. chemo treatments and is getting ready for his 4th next week. Also next week when we go for chemo, Hardee is getting general anesthesia for another CT scan so we can assess the tumor growth. It has been 2 months since we did the last scan, and I'd like to know if the chemo is having any affect on the tumor. HH still gets a daily chemo pill, and I'm hoping the combination of the chemo is helping to shrink the tumor or at least stop the rapid growth that was occurring in November.
This next round of chemo, I think we'll go back to the chemo that he got the very first time....the one that made him so sick. We are better prepared to fight the side effects this time and hopefully ward off the effects. We've done Carboplatin two times in a row now, and we need to go back to the original chemo sometime. A person on my canine cancer list tried Carboplatin for her dog's nasal tumor and it didn't work at all, so now I am afraid to try it again without trying another chemo first. We'll do the scan before we do the chemo, so depending on the scan results, we'll decide then on what chemo to use.
Hardee has lost so much hair while on chemo. It has hit his white areas hard, and he only has small areas of white hair left that are patchy, at best. Hardee's brown hair seems to be falling out much more evenly. I'm thinking hard about shaving him down again. After I got used to the shaved look in September, when I first shaved him down, it didn't look that bad to me. The sad part is that HH is losing his tail flag. The tip of his tail is bare where the white part of his flag used to be.
Hardee is his happy, confident self still. He loves life, and we love him. His nose still drains quite a bit of goop, that also drains down the back of his throat and gags him often, and is blood tinged. He still sneezes often, especially when he is up and moving. I still worry with each sneeze because it can set off a bleed that we might not be able to control. Two months ago, we didn't think he would make it until now, and now my goal is to have him for his 6th birthday, March 12th.
Keep us, and especially Hardee, in your thoughts and prayers next week for better results from the CT scan on Thurs., Jan 20th. Add in some special blessings for a friend's dog that has come out of remission for his cancer. He is young, like Hardee, and such a special boy. I'll update Hardee's blog when I know something at the end of next week.
Until then, it is all about joy and all about Hardee. We can't imagine our lives any other way.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Tues., Dec. 21, 2010 - Hanging in there
So far, Hardee is hanging in there. We are still doing the daily chemo (cyclophosphamide) at home, and the IV chemo every 3 weeks. Two weeks ago, we did carboplatin as his second type of IV chemo. He handled that chemo better than the first chemo, epirubicin. The side effect from the carboplatin was diarrhea that turned bloody a week after getting the treatment, but I took HH to the holistic vet and bought some things to treat the diarrhea. We also got his blood work done while there, and Hardee was NOT neutropenic (low white blood cells) like he was after the epirubicin, so he did not have to have antibiotics again. Based on the above, I have decided to have carboplatin done again, instead of doxorubicin or epirubicin, for Hardee's next IV chemo. The only other side effect that I have seen from the chemo is hair loss. Hardee continues to lose tons of hair each day. I'd say he has lost over half his hair with quite a few bald spots in progress.
Hardee still sneezes a lot, a symptom of the tumor. Each sneeze has the potential to set off a bleed, so most of the time I hold my breath with each sneeze waiting to see if his nose bleeds. Since we had that bad bleed back in November, we haven't had another, thank goodness. I'll tell you later why I am so anxious about the sneezing. Hardee still has a lot of discharge from his nose and has post nasal drip. His right eye still waters, and just within the last couple days, his left eye has started to have a gelatinous discharge. It seems to me that the tumor is spreading more into the left side of his nasal passage now, but we have not CT scanned for over a month now.
While we were at the holistic vet in town here, I inquired about the dog that was from here also that was diagnosed with a nasal tumor over a month after Hardee that also did Cyber Knife radiation. I was shocked and saddened to hear that it had passed away a couple weeks ago. We are on very borrowed time with Hardee. The holistic vet also told me how Hardee would die. A bleed would set in that we cannot control, and he will have to be put down. Though I had suspected that would be the case, no one had the guts to tell me this before, and I am somewhat relieved to know the cause. This is why I wait anxiously with each sneeze to see the outcome.
On a totally different subject, I have addressed this problem before in my blog but there are still people out there who feel the need to write me privately with their opinions about the treatments Hardee is receiving or what we are letting Hardee do. For those people that think they know more about my dog than I do or that they know more than Hardee's numerous oncologists do, please feel free NOT to read my blog!!! At this most horrible time in my life, I am appalled that some people would write the things to me that they do. I truly do not care whether you agree with me about Hardee's treatments or about his continuing to compete. Hardee's oncologists have approved it, and it makes Hardee happy. What can possibly be wrong with that????
Hardee has cancer and is dying, but he is not sick. Except for diarrhea from the chemo that lasts for a couple days that we treat, Hardee is NOT sick. It is about quality of life with the little time Hardee has left and he loves to run agility and compete. To quote a friend from about a week ago, "I just had the good fortune to spend the day with Jennie, Jim and Hardee at an Agility Trial in Las Vegas! Hardee looks fantastic - - if you didn't know the details you would never suspect he has cancer. Happy, tail wagging, barking and jumping, weaving and teetering - he did it all! I hope someday if I have cancer,... someone loves me enough to let me keep doing what I love! The three of you are an inspiration!"
Not letting Hardee run agility or compete will NOT extend his life longer. The tumor grows whether he is doing what he loves or laying around on the sofa. Hardee is a working dog that loves to work. He does not do it to please us; he does it because he loves it. He whines and barks in his crate and is raring to go when he knows Jim is getting ready to run him. I don't know how to explain it further to you people who write me privately with your opinions, and I shouldn't have to.
We love Hardee with every fiber of our beings. He is what brings us joy, and he sustains us. We owe him everything, and try our hardest to give him the best life possible. We have been truly blessed to have him in our lives, even for this short time. As long as possible, it is, and will always be, all about Hardee.
Hardee still sneezes a lot, a symptom of the tumor. Each sneeze has the potential to set off a bleed, so most of the time I hold my breath with each sneeze waiting to see if his nose bleeds. Since we had that bad bleed back in November, we haven't had another, thank goodness. I'll tell you later why I am so anxious about the sneezing. Hardee still has a lot of discharge from his nose and has post nasal drip. His right eye still waters, and just within the last couple days, his left eye has started to have a gelatinous discharge. It seems to me that the tumor is spreading more into the left side of his nasal passage now, but we have not CT scanned for over a month now.
While we were at the holistic vet in town here, I inquired about the dog that was from here also that was diagnosed with a nasal tumor over a month after Hardee that also did Cyber Knife radiation. I was shocked and saddened to hear that it had passed away a couple weeks ago. We are on very borrowed time with Hardee. The holistic vet also told me how Hardee would die. A bleed would set in that we cannot control, and he will have to be put down. Though I had suspected that would be the case, no one had the guts to tell me this before, and I am somewhat relieved to know the cause. This is why I wait anxiously with each sneeze to see the outcome.
On a totally different subject, I have addressed this problem before in my blog but there are still people out there who feel the need to write me privately with their opinions about the treatments Hardee is receiving or what we are letting Hardee do. For those people that think they know more about my dog than I do or that they know more than Hardee's numerous oncologists do, please feel free NOT to read my blog!!! At this most horrible time in my life, I am appalled that some people would write the things to me that they do. I truly do not care whether you agree with me about Hardee's treatments or about his continuing to compete. Hardee's oncologists have approved it, and it makes Hardee happy. What can possibly be wrong with that????
Hardee has cancer and is dying, but he is not sick. Except for diarrhea from the chemo that lasts for a couple days that we treat, Hardee is NOT sick. It is about quality of life with the little time Hardee has left and he loves to run agility and compete. To quote a friend from about a week ago, "I just had the good fortune to spend the day with Jennie, Jim and Hardee at an Agility Trial in Las Vegas! Hardee looks fantastic - - if you didn't know the details you would never suspect he has cancer. Happy, tail wagging, barking and jumping, weaving and teetering - he did it all! I hope someday if I have cancer,... someone loves me enough to let me keep doing what I love! The three of you are an inspiration!"
Not letting Hardee run agility or compete will NOT extend his life longer. The tumor grows whether he is doing what he loves or laying around on the sofa. Hardee is a working dog that loves to work. He does not do it to please us; he does it because he loves it. He whines and barks in his crate and is raring to go when he knows Jim is getting ready to run him. I don't know how to explain it further to you people who write me privately with your opinions, and I shouldn't have to.
We love Hardee with every fiber of our beings. He is what brings us joy, and he sustains us. We owe him everything, and try our hardest to give him the best life possible. We have been truly blessed to have him in our lives, even for this short time. As long as possible, it is, and will always be, all about Hardee.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Monday, Dec. 6, 2010 - Finally home but going again
We are finally home after being on the road for 1.5 weeks. Hardee held up fantastically well, and I was very pleased with him. He got one double qualifying leg with his Dad in agility and lots of points. We had a good appointment with the new oncologist and started some new therapies. Then Hardee went to Long beach with his Mom where he competed in rally and obedience for 3 days. HH got his 7th, 8th and 9th double qualifying legs towards his Rally Advanced Excellent title. Just one more double qualifying leg to go! He qualified only one day in Open A obedience towards his Companion Dog Excellent title (CDX), but I was still pleased. He was too tired to hold his long sit at the end of the week, which kept disqualifying us, but I was still pleased. We need to qualify 2 more times for his CDX title.
When we got home last night, we started on the metronomic therapy drug that was compounded for Hardee at the pharmacy in AZ. Cyclophosphamide is a molecular therapy and is a form of chemo (chemotherapeutic medication) that interferes with the growth of cancer cells and slows their growth and spread in the body. I have to handle it with gloves, so it scares me to be giving it to my boy. Also, Hardee started on Peroxicam this morning which is in the NSAID class of drugs, but is being used as a supplementary drug in the treatment of his cancer. Peroxicam has been found to enhance the body's own ability to destroy cancer cells. There are side effects to both, so I have to watch him carefully.
Hardee's bleeding from his nose has slowed down markedly. We only got in trouble on Thursday from a judge in the obedience ring for the bleeding. Hardee sneezed his way through the rally and obedience rings all days, and I had to stop and wait for him while he went through numerous sneezes during our floor exercises. Hardee's nose still drains, but it is just blood tinged fluid now, instead of being total blood. Hardee also is losing his hair from chemo. His coat is thinner, but not anything that anyone else would really notice just yet, but he is a Portuguese shedding dog.
We leave Wed. night again for SoCal. Thursday, HH gets chemo again. This time he will get Carboplatin which should be easier on him than the last chemo. Friday, we compete in rally and obedience again, then head home Friday night late. Jim and Hardee have a local agility trial Sat & Sun here in Vegas. The schedule is too busy, and we'll just have to wait and see what HH feels up to doing. He's a hardy boy and is built to withstand (his registered name), but he'll let me know. I don't know what the new IV chemo will do to him, especially in conjunction with the chemo pills we started at home last night. Our paws are crossed here that he weathers this chemo storm well.
Until then, it is all about joy and all about Hardee!!
When we got home last night, we started on the metronomic therapy drug that was compounded for Hardee at the pharmacy in AZ. Cyclophosphamide is a molecular therapy and is a form of chemo (chemotherapeutic medication) that interferes with the growth of cancer cells and slows their growth and spread in the body. I have to handle it with gloves, so it scares me to be giving it to my boy. Also, Hardee started on Peroxicam this morning which is in the NSAID class of drugs, but is being used as a supplementary drug in the treatment of his cancer. Peroxicam has been found to enhance the body's own ability to destroy cancer cells. There are side effects to both, so I have to watch him carefully.
Hardee's bleeding from his nose has slowed down markedly. We only got in trouble on Thursday from a judge in the obedience ring for the bleeding. Hardee sneezed his way through the rally and obedience rings all days, and I had to stop and wait for him while he went through numerous sneezes during our floor exercises. Hardee's nose still drains, but it is just blood tinged fluid now, instead of being total blood. Hardee also is losing his hair from chemo. His coat is thinner, but not anything that anyone else would really notice just yet, but he is a Portuguese shedding dog.
We leave Wed. night again for SoCal. Thursday, HH gets chemo again. This time he will get Carboplatin which should be easier on him than the last chemo. Friday, we compete in rally and obedience again, then head home Friday night late. Jim and Hardee have a local agility trial Sat & Sun here in Vegas. The schedule is too busy, and we'll just have to wait and see what HH feels up to doing. He's a hardy boy and is built to withstand (his registered name), but he'll let me know. I don't know what the new IV chemo will do to him, especially in conjunction with the chemo pills we started at home last night. Our paws are crossed here that he weathers this chemo storm well.
Until then, it is all about joy and all about Hardee!!
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Wed., Dec 1, 2010 - We are still fighting!
We had our appointment with Dr. Ogilvie Monday in Carlsbad, CA. It went well, and Hardee had some tests run. His bloodwork came back normal, for the most part, and the good news is that he is no longer neutropenic so I can take him off the antibiotics. HH is still dehydrated from his chemo reaction, but we are working on that. He had chest radiographs done to see if the cancer had spread to his lungs, and it had not....YAY!...a bright side!
Dr O said that this cancer CANNOT be cured and wanted to make sure that I understood that. What we are focusing on now is quality of life, and if we can, controlling the tumor growth that is on a rampage. Nasal chondrosarcomas are slow to respond to therapy, and Hardee's seems really resistant to everything we have tried so far. Dr O doesn't agree that chemo should work within a week like what Dr V told me, and he doesn't want to CT again until we've done 2 rounds of chemo. Dr O thinks there are still some grenades that haven't been tried yet with Hardee that we can still lob at this tumor.
A surgeon came in to talk to me about debulking the tumor. If we got rid of as much as we can of the tumor, the chemo drugs might be more effective. The tumor would always regrow though because we can't surgically get all the tumor because of it's position. Hardee would be very disfigured, and it is a very hard surgery on dogs with a long recuperation time. They cut through the bones of his face and actually remove quite a bit of structure. I don't want to do that to Hardee and have some of his last days be about trying to recuperate. I asked the surgeon if he would do this surgery on his dog before he would do chemo, and he said No, that he would just do the chemo. That sealed my decision for no surgery.
The current plan now is to try to control the tumor growth with chemo and metronomic therapy. I haven't had time to research metronomic therapy just yet, but it is a molecular therapeutic. The drugs will be compounded for me by a pharmacy in Arizona and sent to the house. I have to wear gloves to handle it, and Hardee gets it daily. Next week we go for chemo again, but this round of chemo will be carboplatin, which is supposed to be easier on him. We might add in some more tumor suppression drugs later.
They also gave me an option to help control the bleeding from the nose, though currently we are having a good couple days of not much blood. The option to control bleeding is to surgically tie off the carotid arteries. That worried me immediately about how his brain, head, & face area would perfuse. He assured me that dog anatomy is different from human and that it would not affect blood supply to the head structure. I don't think we will consider that option, but we'll just have to see how this all plays out.
While we were at the agility trial this past weekend, there was an animal communicator there named Joy. We paid for a session, and I want to believe what she told us. There are things that I wanted to know. Here's some of the answers that she gave us. Yes, Hardee knows he is dying, and he has some anger over that. He thought he would be here another 10 years. He loves his life and fell in love with us when he first met us. Yes, he knows how much we love him and worries about us when he is gone. Yes, he wants to continue running agility for as long as his Dad will run him. He loves it, he says. He doesn't love the obedience and rally that I do with him, but I already knew that. I had Joy tell him that it was important to me and that if he would finish his RAE and CDX titles, I'd never make him do any more rally or obedience again.
The first thing that Hardee asked Joy when the session started was could he come back? He kept asking it she said because he enjoys his life so much. I had Joy tell him to do what he could to come back to us. Joy said that there was a reddish brown dog with a black mask who has come to guide him to the bridge. That would be my Cessna, my Rhodesian Ridgeback. Joy said she only sees the ones who come to guide the dying when their time to go is getting closer. We are still fighting though because Hardee said that he still wanted to fight. My Cessie was a patient girl, and she'll just have to wait for later to guide Hardee.
Hardee and I are in long Beach currently, competing in rally and obedience. So far, Hardee is doing great! We qualified and placed in all of our runs today. We got Hardee's 7th RAE leg and his 1st Open A obedience leg towards his CDX. We even placed 2nd, and also got the high scoring PWD in obedience award. Two more days to go, and I hope Hardee will continue to feel okay down here so we can get through this. He's held up fantastically with no white blood cells last week, being on the road for almost a week so far, 3 days of agility over the weekend, oncologist appointment Monday where they stuck a big needle into his bladder, and took blood and chest radiographs, and now this 3 day trial. My Handsome Hardee is indeed hardy!!
Today, it has been all about my joy and pride of qualifying with Hardee, and praising and treating him. It always rolls back around to the most important thing, because it is always all about Hardee!!
Dr O said that this cancer CANNOT be cured and wanted to make sure that I understood that. What we are focusing on now is quality of life, and if we can, controlling the tumor growth that is on a rampage. Nasal chondrosarcomas are slow to respond to therapy, and Hardee's seems really resistant to everything we have tried so far. Dr O doesn't agree that chemo should work within a week like what Dr V told me, and he doesn't want to CT again until we've done 2 rounds of chemo. Dr O thinks there are still some grenades that haven't been tried yet with Hardee that we can still lob at this tumor.
A surgeon came in to talk to me about debulking the tumor. If we got rid of as much as we can of the tumor, the chemo drugs might be more effective. The tumor would always regrow though because we can't surgically get all the tumor because of it's position. Hardee would be very disfigured, and it is a very hard surgery on dogs with a long recuperation time. They cut through the bones of his face and actually remove quite a bit of structure. I don't want to do that to Hardee and have some of his last days be about trying to recuperate. I asked the surgeon if he would do this surgery on his dog before he would do chemo, and he said No, that he would just do the chemo. That sealed my decision for no surgery.
The current plan now is to try to control the tumor growth with chemo and metronomic therapy. I haven't had time to research metronomic therapy just yet, but it is a molecular therapeutic. The drugs will be compounded for me by a pharmacy in Arizona and sent to the house. I have to wear gloves to handle it, and Hardee gets it daily. Next week we go for chemo again, but this round of chemo will be carboplatin, which is supposed to be easier on him. We might add in some more tumor suppression drugs later.
They also gave me an option to help control the bleeding from the nose, though currently we are having a good couple days of not much blood. The option to control bleeding is to surgically tie off the carotid arteries. That worried me immediately about how his brain, head, & face area would perfuse. He assured me that dog anatomy is different from human and that it would not affect blood supply to the head structure. I don't think we will consider that option, but we'll just have to see how this all plays out.
While we were at the agility trial this past weekend, there was an animal communicator there named Joy. We paid for a session, and I want to believe what she told us. There are things that I wanted to know. Here's some of the answers that she gave us. Yes, Hardee knows he is dying, and he has some anger over that. He thought he would be here another 10 years. He loves his life and fell in love with us when he first met us. Yes, he knows how much we love him and worries about us when he is gone. Yes, he wants to continue running agility for as long as his Dad will run him. He loves it, he says. He doesn't love the obedience and rally that I do with him, but I already knew that. I had Joy tell him that it was important to me and that if he would finish his RAE and CDX titles, I'd never make him do any more rally or obedience again.
The first thing that Hardee asked Joy when the session started was could he come back? He kept asking it she said because he enjoys his life so much. I had Joy tell him to do what he could to come back to us. Joy said that there was a reddish brown dog with a black mask who has come to guide him to the bridge. That would be my Cessna, my Rhodesian Ridgeback. Joy said she only sees the ones who come to guide the dying when their time to go is getting closer. We are still fighting though because Hardee said that he still wanted to fight. My Cessie was a patient girl, and she'll just have to wait for later to guide Hardee.
Hardee and I are in long Beach currently, competing in rally and obedience. So far, Hardee is doing great! We qualified and placed in all of our runs today. We got Hardee's 7th RAE leg and his 1st Open A obedience leg towards his CDX. We even placed 2nd, and also got the high scoring PWD in obedience award. Two more days to go, and I hope Hardee will continue to feel okay down here so we can get through this. He's held up fantastically with no white blood cells last week, being on the road for almost a week so far, 3 days of agility over the weekend, oncologist appointment Monday where they stuck a big needle into his bladder, and took blood and chest radiographs, and now this 3 day trial. My Handsome Hardee is indeed hardy!!
Today, it has been all about my joy and pride of qualifying with Hardee, and praising and treating him. It always rolls back around to the most important thing, because it is always all about Hardee!!
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Sat., Nov. 27, 2010 - Thanksgiving plans
Since I wrote last, Hardee is feeling much better and has his appetite back and is gaining weight. It took a couple days, but he lived up to his name and bounced back quicker than I thought he would. Last Wednesday we went for bloodwork one week after chemo, and HH was neutropenic, meaning his white blood cell count was too low. When your white cells drop too low, your immune system is compromised and you can't fight off an infection. Wed. night we had to drive back to the specialists late and pick up antibiotics for Hardee to be on for at least a week, until we do more bloodwork to check his white count again.
We were supposed to leave for my Mom's in So. Cal. Wed. night for Thanksgiving, but you know what they say about the best laid plans. I wanted Hardee on antibiotics for at least 4 doses before we took him anywhere to help him be able to fight off any infection . We finally left for So Cal Friday morning, after HH's 4th dose. Remembering that it is about quality of life for our boy and also remembering how much he loves agility, we headed for the 3 day agility trial that we had planned. Since HH had already missed his turkey eating day, we gave him one of his faves, agility. Each morning we assess him to see if he feels up to running because it does not matter to us. We just want him happy, especially now.
Originally we thought we could, and would, kick this cancer's ass. We had a fabulous, new, expensive, state of the art radiation plan that would rid the tumor from our lives. It seemed impossible to me that this cancer could ever get the best of us, especially for a boy so young and so full of potential, who had parents that would do anything for him. It seems though, that this cancer is a formidable foe that is not easily conquered. It is getting the best of Hardee, and of us, as it seems we are dying right along with Hardee. We have a chemo consultation planned with one of the top doctors in the field of chemotherapy this Monday. Unless he can work a miracle for us, Hardee doesn't have much time left.
Chemo only has a slim possibility of working for a nasal tumor, and if it was going to work, it was supposed to work quickly to shrink the tumor. I watch Hardee constantly for signs that the tumor is shrinking. I watch his tear duct for signs that it is becoming less blocked by the tumor. I watch the nose bleeding for signs that it is getting lighter and less frequent. I watch how much he paws at his face and how much he drills his face into the carpet, in hope that it is less. For any of those signs, they are not less; in fact they are more frequent.
As heart breaking as it is for us to think about losing him, it is more heart breaking to watch as this cancer devours our boy and what Hardee has to endure. Soon, his quality of life will diminish enough that we can no longer have him suffer the pain, and we will have to make the most horrible decision of our lives. But, it is not about us. It has always been, and will continue to be, all about Hardee.
Today, I bought a new patriotic bandanna, with a pewter paw print accessory on it, for Hardee to wear to the Georgie Project.
We were supposed to leave for my Mom's in So. Cal. Wed. night for Thanksgiving, but you know what they say about the best laid plans. I wanted Hardee on antibiotics for at least 4 doses before we took him anywhere to help him be able to fight off any infection . We finally left for So Cal Friday morning, after HH's 4th dose. Remembering that it is about quality of life for our boy and also remembering how much he loves agility, we headed for the 3 day agility trial that we had planned. Since HH had already missed his turkey eating day, we gave him one of his faves, agility. Each morning we assess him to see if he feels up to running because it does not matter to us. We just want him happy, especially now.
Originally we thought we could, and would, kick this cancer's ass. We had a fabulous, new, expensive, state of the art radiation plan that would rid the tumor from our lives. It seemed impossible to me that this cancer could ever get the best of us, especially for a boy so young and so full of potential, who had parents that would do anything for him. It seems though, that this cancer is a formidable foe that is not easily conquered. It is getting the best of Hardee, and of us, as it seems we are dying right along with Hardee. We have a chemo consultation planned with one of the top doctors in the field of chemotherapy this Monday. Unless he can work a miracle for us, Hardee doesn't have much time left.
Chemo only has a slim possibility of working for a nasal tumor, and if it was going to work, it was supposed to work quickly to shrink the tumor. I watch Hardee constantly for signs that the tumor is shrinking. I watch his tear duct for signs that it is becoming less blocked by the tumor. I watch the nose bleeding for signs that it is getting lighter and less frequent. I watch how much he paws at his face and how much he drills his face into the carpet, in hope that it is less. For any of those signs, they are not less; in fact they are more frequent.
As heart breaking as it is for us to think about losing him, it is more heart breaking to watch as this cancer devours our boy and what Hardee has to endure. Soon, his quality of life will diminish enough that we can no longer have him suffer the pain, and we will have to make the most horrible decision of our lives. But, it is not about us. It has always been, and will continue to be, all about Hardee.
Today, I bought a new patriotic bandanna, with a pewter paw print accessory on it, for Hardee to wear to the Georgie Project.
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