My head hurts from trying to weigh the options and make the right decision. A friend wrote "one thing I know is that there is no wrong answer, no incorrect way to approach something unknown." While I appreciate those words terribly, I still don't want to make the wrong decision; the decision that affects Hardee's life, or his quality of life. Another friend wrote "sometimes we love so much that we lose perspective." I don't want to lose perspective either, though. My head is tired from trying to figure it all out. Thank you, friends, for giving me something to think about.
I did call and schedule an appointment with the medical oncologist in town for tomorrow at noon. I need to know the chemo options. Dr. Vaughan did give me some info on chemo when I saw him last back in Aug., right after Hardee was diagnosed when he referred us to Dr P in So Cal. I read that info again this morning and have some questions. The kick ass of chemo isn't listed on my info, and I want to find out why it isn't an option. There is one listed where you have to wear gloves to handle the pill, and clean up any urine and feces as soon as the dog potties, especially when there are other animals around. That's a little scary that I would be giving that poison to my dog.
Another point to consider is quality of life. Hardee loves to be out there competing, especially running agility and doing water work. He wouldn't be able to do that on chemo, so would he be happy laying around the house, too tired to go out, with other side effects of chemo happening, all for the slim possibility of chemo helping him. It might possibly extend his life a little, but would it be a happy life for Hardee or would it just be selfishness on my part.
Last night I was really leaning towards chemo. Today, I'm not so sure. Hopefully tomorrow I'll know more to base an informed decision on.
One thing I am sure of. It is all about joy and all about Hardee! And for as long as it is in our power, it always will be.
Handsome Hardee
We are a patriotic family!
Face of Courage
Face of courage
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Monday, November 8, 2010
Mon., Nov. 8, 2010 - Biopsy results
About an hour ago, Dr P called me back with the biopsy results and he's stumped and doesn't know exactly what to make of them. The biopsy results clearly showed nasal chondrosarcoma cells which is bad news. More bad news is that the biopsy didn't say anything about any dead or necrotic tissue which Dr P would have expected to see because of the radiation. The only glimmer of hope is that the biopsy showed no evidence of tumor cells dividing.
These results might not be reflective of the whole tumor though. I mentioned in my last post about the fact that because we had done radiation, a part of the tumor can be doing something different than where the biopsy was taken from. So, we don't know if this is the original tumor that just wasn't killed by the gamma knife radiation, if it is the original tumor that still might die from the radiation and is just taking longer than expected to die, or if this is a new tumor that has grown after the radiation killed the original tumor. It's all very confusing to me, and also Dr P.
Dr. P prides himself on his gut feelings that he has for his animal patients and what their outcomes might be. For the first time, Dr P doesn't have a gut feeling on how this will turn out. This doesn't sit well with me, and I don't know where to go from here.
Our options are limited. One option is to wait it out and CT again in 2 months to see what the tumor is doing, and if the radiation did any more to kill the tumor. I don't think I can just wait around for another 2 months to see what the tumor is doing. That scenario doesn't fit into my being proactive plan. The other slim possibility is to try chemotherapy. Chemo doesn't generally work for nasal tumors and is very expensive, not that gamma knife radiation wasn't. Dr P said he might not try the chemo route until he saw positive proof in 2 months that the radiation hadn't cleared the tumor since in nasal tumors chemo is used as a last resort.
If we did try chemo now and the tumor did shrink when we CT again in 2 months, we would have no way of knowing whether the chemo or radiation killed the tumor. I needed to know if that aspect played any role in what Dr P was telling me now as far as choices. I said my dog's life has to come before his research, and he agreed 100%. I would like to not do anything to screw up this new field of gamma knife radiation research so that what Hardee has been through will benefit others who come after us, but not at the expense of Hardee's life.
We haven't has enough time to digest these latest results yet or sit down and talk about it as a family (Jim is still at work), but I am leaning towards the chemo last ditch option. I need to try anything and everything to save my boy. I'll talk to Jim tonight about scheduling an appointment with the local oncologist to see what he has to say.
Even with our news today, it is all about joy and all about Hardee! Please keep the faith.
These results might not be reflective of the whole tumor though. I mentioned in my last post about the fact that because we had done radiation, a part of the tumor can be doing something different than where the biopsy was taken from. So, we don't know if this is the original tumor that just wasn't killed by the gamma knife radiation, if it is the original tumor that still might die from the radiation and is just taking longer than expected to die, or if this is a new tumor that has grown after the radiation killed the original tumor. It's all very confusing to me, and also Dr P.
Dr. P prides himself on his gut feelings that he has for his animal patients and what their outcomes might be. For the first time, Dr P doesn't have a gut feeling on how this will turn out. This doesn't sit well with me, and I don't know where to go from here.
Our options are limited. One option is to wait it out and CT again in 2 months to see what the tumor is doing, and if the radiation did any more to kill the tumor. I don't think I can just wait around for another 2 months to see what the tumor is doing. That scenario doesn't fit into my being proactive plan. The other slim possibility is to try chemotherapy. Chemo doesn't generally work for nasal tumors and is very expensive, not that gamma knife radiation wasn't. Dr P said he might not try the chemo route until he saw positive proof in 2 months that the radiation hadn't cleared the tumor since in nasal tumors chemo is used as a last resort.
If we did try chemo now and the tumor did shrink when we CT again in 2 months, we would have no way of knowing whether the chemo or radiation killed the tumor. I needed to know if that aspect played any role in what Dr P was telling me now as far as choices. I said my dog's life has to come before his research, and he agreed 100%. I would like to not do anything to screw up this new field of gamma knife radiation research so that what Hardee has been through will benefit others who come after us, but not at the expense of Hardee's life.
We haven't has enough time to digest these latest results yet or sit down and talk about it as a family (Jim is still at work), but I am leaning towards the chemo last ditch option. I need to try anything and everything to save my boy. I'll talk to Jim tonight about scheduling an appointment with the local oncologist to see what he has to say.
Even with our news today, it is all about joy and all about Hardee! Please keep the faith.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Sat., Nov. 6, 2010 - We are finally home
It's been awhile since I have written, but we are finally home, sweet home.
Last Tuesday, we went for Hardee's first post radiation CT scan, earlier than planned. Dr. Proulx also did another biopsy of the tumor to see what we are dealing with currently. As I wrote in my last post, the results should be back this Monday or Tuesday. The problem with another biopsy is where the samples are taken and whether the results reflect the whole tumor. What I mean by that is depending on where you take tumor tissue from, because we have done radiation, the tumor can be dead or dying in spots and live and growing in other areas. We have no way of knowing if the biopsy results are actually reflective of the whole tumor and what it is actually doing.
Dr Proulx said he will be devastated if the biopsy shows live tumor and doesn't know why the radiation wouldn't work. He will not be the only one devastated. The New York facility that also does gamma knife radiation does a setting of 10 for 3 days for their gamma knife treatments. Dr. Proulx did a 14 setting on Hardee for 3 days. The New York facility case study showed a nasal tumor growing back in a year, so Dr. P has been increasing his settings trying to get better results. Of the 2 dogs with nasal tumors that Dr. P did gamma knife on before Hardee, the first one died because the tumor was so far advanced into the brain before they caught it that they didn't think it would work, but the owners wanted to try anyway. The second dog was done a month and a half before Hardee, so there hadn't been enough time since radiation to be able to do a post radiation scan yet. Hardee was the third dog, and since Hardee, another dog has been gamma knifed, ironically from Vegas also. I asked how the second dog was doing and if the radiation had killed the tumor, and another irony, those owners called the day after I called Dr. P saying that I was seeing some worrisome signs, and they were saying the same thing and they come next week for their CT scan. This is very worrisome news to me.
Hardee did a lot of bleeding after this biopsy also. He stayed the night at the hospital for bleeding control and was still bleeding when I picked him up the next afternoon. I took Hardee out to feed him before we started the trip back to my Mom's because for some reason they had not fed him yet, and he started sneezing which blew bright red blood everywhere. After trying to control the bleeding in the parking lot to no avail, I took him back in where they took him to the back again. That really upset him and he bled more. They gave him an injectable sedative, iced his nose again, and told me to come back in an hour. When I came back in an hour later, they wanted to keep him overnight again but I said no. They sent him home with oral sedatives to try and keep him down and quiet until the bleeding could stop. He is also on antibiotics to help with any infection while his immune system is weakened, unlike the last biopsy when he got that horrible infection.
Hardee is still bleeding, but each day we see less blood come out of his nose, especially when he sneezes. Last night I finally felt comfortable enough to try the trip home from my Mom's house, and we got home late. Hardee rides in his crate right behind the drivers seat, and I cannot see him if he really starts bleeding again where it doesn't stop. I can hear him sneezing, then I worry. I gave HH another sedative right before we left, so hopefully he would sleep during the drive and not be so excited to see his Dad when we got home that the bleeding would start again heavily. Today is the first day I haven't used the sedatives, and HH seems to be doing fine without them.
The amount of bleeding after this biopsy worries me. I know that tumors have quite a bit of blood supply, thus the reason they can grow so quickly. But, it seems to me that if this tumor was dead or dying, it wouldn't have this amount of blood supply. Dr P says differently, but I still worry. My Mom says that if I didn't have anything to worry about I couldn't live, so maybe it is just me worrying too much again. I still dread the biopsy results coming this week but am anxious to know also. I will worry though how reflective the results are of the tumor as a whole.
I'm not sure about this whole gamma knife radiation and how well it works. I am convinced that it was Hardee's best shot at survival though. We couldn't have put him through traditional radiation and it's horrible effects. I'm not sure where we go from here. We'll see what the results show on Monday. I hope that regardless of Monday's results, Hardee's gamma knife radiation experience will help formulate a better plan for other owners whose dogs have nasal tumors. I just hope it works for Hardee.
We love HH so much and cannot imagine our lives without him. We have been blessed by his presence and would do anything in our power for him. He deserves whatever we can do for him. He has brought us so much happiness in his five years with us. I wish that pure love was enough to save our boy because we have that. Here, it is still all about joy and all about Hardee, and we hope it stays that way for many years to come. Keep those fingers and paws crossed!!
Last Tuesday, we went for Hardee's first post radiation CT scan, earlier than planned. Dr. Proulx also did another biopsy of the tumor to see what we are dealing with currently. As I wrote in my last post, the results should be back this Monday or Tuesday. The problem with another biopsy is where the samples are taken and whether the results reflect the whole tumor. What I mean by that is depending on where you take tumor tissue from, because we have done radiation, the tumor can be dead or dying in spots and live and growing in other areas. We have no way of knowing if the biopsy results are actually reflective of the whole tumor and what it is actually doing.
Dr Proulx said he will be devastated if the biopsy shows live tumor and doesn't know why the radiation wouldn't work. He will not be the only one devastated. The New York facility that also does gamma knife radiation does a setting of 10 for 3 days for their gamma knife treatments. Dr. Proulx did a 14 setting on Hardee for 3 days. The New York facility case study showed a nasal tumor growing back in a year, so Dr. P has been increasing his settings trying to get better results. Of the 2 dogs with nasal tumors that Dr. P did gamma knife on before Hardee, the first one died because the tumor was so far advanced into the brain before they caught it that they didn't think it would work, but the owners wanted to try anyway. The second dog was done a month and a half before Hardee, so there hadn't been enough time since radiation to be able to do a post radiation scan yet. Hardee was the third dog, and since Hardee, another dog has been gamma knifed, ironically from Vegas also. I asked how the second dog was doing and if the radiation had killed the tumor, and another irony, those owners called the day after I called Dr. P saying that I was seeing some worrisome signs, and they were saying the same thing and they come next week for their CT scan. This is very worrisome news to me.
Hardee did a lot of bleeding after this biopsy also. He stayed the night at the hospital for bleeding control and was still bleeding when I picked him up the next afternoon. I took Hardee out to feed him before we started the trip back to my Mom's because for some reason they had not fed him yet, and he started sneezing which blew bright red blood everywhere. After trying to control the bleeding in the parking lot to no avail, I took him back in where they took him to the back again. That really upset him and he bled more. They gave him an injectable sedative, iced his nose again, and told me to come back in an hour. When I came back in an hour later, they wanted to keep him overnight again but I said no. They sent him home with oral sedatives to try and keep him down and quiet until the bleeding could stop. He is also on antibiotics to help with any infection while his immune system is weakened, unlike the last biopsy when he got that horrible infection.
Hardee is still bleeding, but each day we see less blood come out of his nose, especially when he sneezes. Last night I finally felt comfortable enough to try the trip home from my Mom's house, and we got home late. Hardee rides in his crate right behind the drivers seat, and I cannot see him if he really starts bleeding again where it doesn't stop. I can hear him sneezing, then I worry. I gave HH another sedative right before we left, so hopefully he would sleep during the drive and not be so excited to see his Dad when we got home that the bleeding would start again heavily. Today is the first day I haven't used the sedatives, and HH seems to be doing fine without them.
The amount of bleeding after this biopsy worries me. I know that tumors have quite a bit of blood supply, thus the reason they can grow so quickly. But, it seems to me that if this tumor was dead or dying, it wouldn't have this amount of blood supply. Dr P says differently, but I still worry. My Mom says that if I didn't have anything to worry about I couldn't live, so maybe it is just me worrying too much again. I still dread the biopsy results coming this week but am anxious to know also. I will worry though how reflective the results are of the tumor as a whole.
I'm not sure about this whole gamma knife radiation and how well it works. I am convinced that it was Hardee's best shot at survival though. We couldn't have put him through traditional radiation and it's horrible effects. I'm not sure where we go from here. We'll see what the results show on Monday. I hope that regardless of Monday's results, Hardee's gamma knife radiation experience will help formulate a better plan for other owners whose dogs have nasal tumors. I just hope it works for Hardee.
We love HH so much and cannot imagine our lives without him. We have been blessed by his presence and would do anything in our power for him. He deserves whatever we can do for him. He has brought us so much happiness in his five years with us. I wish that pure love was enough to save our boy because we have that. Here, it is still all about joy and all about Hardee, and we hope it stays that way for many years to come. Keep those fingers and paws crossed!!
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Tues., Nov. 2, 2010 - Hardee is spending the night in ICU
Well, I kind of don't have good news, but I don't have bad news, yet, either....just neutral news. In other words, we don't know yet.
The CT scan clearly showed a smaller mass. I'm going to guessimate about 60-75% of what was there previously, so about 25-40% smaller. I saw the scans and compared them. What we don't know is if that is the same tumor, if it is dead tumor or dying tumor, or if it is the tumor that has regrown. Dr. Proulx did biopsies, thus the bleeding, but we won't know the results for a week (next Monday or Tuesday).
Hardee is spending the night here at Calif. Vet. Specialists for bleeding control. Remember what I went through with him bleeding at home last time? Well, Dr. Proulx said he probably couldn't sleep well if I took him home tonight because he still is bleeding quite a bit. They had his poor little nasal passage flushed with cold water, with cold packs on it, to help control the bleeding. He is also on antibiotics.
They asked if I wanted to say good night to him, but I declined. For my sake, I wanted desperately to do that, but for his sake, I didn't. He would get too excited about seeing me, bleed more, and not understand why I wasn't taking him with me. I'll have to drive 110 miles back to my Mom's tonight and come back and get him tomorrow.
Rest well, my little bubs. Mama loves you and misses you terribly. I'll cry myself back to Grandma's and see you tomorrow. Until then, I'll try to remember, it is all about joy and all about Hardee.
The CT scan clearly showed a smaller mass. I'm going to guessimate about 60-75% of what was there previously, so about 25-40% smaller. I saw the scans and compared them. What we don't know is if that is the same tumor, if it is dead tumor or dying tumor, or if it is the tumor that has regrown. Dr. Proulx did biopsies, thus the bleeding, but we won't know the results for a week (next Monday or Tuesday).
Hardee is spending the night here at Calif. Vet. Specialists for bleeding control. Remember what I went through with him bleeding at home last time? Well, Dr. Proulx said he probably couldn't sleep well if I took him home tonight because he still is bleeding quite a bit. They had his poor little nasal passage flushed with cold water, with cold packs on it, to help control the bleeding. He is also on antibiotics.
They asked if I wanted to say good night to him, but I declined. For my sake, I wanted desperately to do that, but for his sake, I didn't. He would get too excited about seeing me, bleed more, and not understand why I wasn't taking him with me. I'll have to drive 110 miles back to my Mom's tonight and come back and get him tomorrow.
Rest well, my little bubs. Mama loves you and misses you terribly. I'll cry myself back to Grandma's and see you tomorrow. Until then, I'll try to remember, it is all about joy and all about Hardee.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Sunday, Oct. 31, 2010 - Good news and bad news
Since I have both good and bad news, I'll start with the good news first.
Hardee and Jim had the best weekend in agility that they've ever had. On Friday, they qualified in all 3 of their runs for their first triple Q (qualify), taking placements in all, with two 2nd places and a 3rd place. On Sat., they double Qd, with a 1st and 2nd place. Today, they only Qd in their jumpers run with a 2nd place, but on their standard run, Hardee made all his contacts which is success in our books...YAY! Hardee and Jim have the double Qs they need to qualify for Nationals, but just need 6 more points. We wouldn't go to Nationals, but it is nice to know that they could have, given Hardee gets those 6 points in 2 weekends from now at our next trial. I'm so proud of them both. Hardee just LOVES agility!! It brings such joy to me to see him run.
Hardee and I had success in the rally ring also. Rally was Sat. & Sun, and we double Qd each day for our 2nd and 3rd legs towards our RAE (Rally Advanced Excellent) title. On Sat., we got scores of 98 and 100 for our runs, and on Sun., we got a 99 and a 98. We had many ring conflicts, but we worked them out and made all of our runs before it was too late. I was very proud of Hardee in rally also.
Now obedience was another story. We are in Open A, and on Sat., it was HORRIBLE all the way around. Jim stood ring side and had treats in his pocket. Hardee would not concentrate on me, and only wanted Jim's treats. Today was a better performance. I banned Jim from the rally and obedience side of the field, and out of a possible 200 points, we had a 195.5 score going into our long, out of sight, sits and downs. The group sits and downs are the very last part of our competition day, and by today, after 3 days of being at this trial competing in 3 different venues, HH was very tired. During the long sits, the dog next to him went down, and the judge said Hardee looked over at the dog when it went down, contemplated it for a second, and went hmmmm, I think I'll lay down also, and down he went. Disappointing, but not unexpected given everything he has done for us this weekend. He gave us his all. Hardee was a champion this weekend, and we are so proud of him!
Now onto the bad news. Besides all the signs that I blogged about in my last post that caused me to call and schedule H's next CT scan earlier than planned, our most precious boy has now started to bleed from his nose again....an ominous sign. It is not dripping out, but comes out when he sneezes. Jim is working out of town this week again, so H and I will head to SoCal tomorrow to face this alone, again. I do not fault Jim. If he wasn't working, we wouldn't have been able to make arrangments to pay for H's care. It's just that he's not been able to make any Drs. appointments, surgeries, CT scans, or radiation treatments, etc. I fear the results on Tuesday and wish Jim could be there with me.
I know that some of you will question our decision to work HH this weekend. To us, it is still about balancing quality of life with rest. Hardee would not be content to sit home, and he loves to work. Anyone who saw his runs this weekend cannot say he wasn't happy to be there and loved what he was doing.
I'm asking all who care for Hardee for help. We need your prayers, your good karma, your positive thoughts, your healing vibes, whatever it is you can give as far as well wishes, to send them Hardee's way for a better result for Tuesday's scan than what I fear. It would be greatly appreciated.
Until then, we will love him as much as we can, and celebrate each day that we have with our most precious boy. As always, it is all about joy and all about Hardee!!! You know we wouldn't have it any other way. And as Christy says, "everybody loves Hardee!"
Hardee and Jim had the best weekend in agility that they've ever had. On Friday, they qualified in all 3 of their runs for their first triple Q (qualify), taking placements in all, with two 2nd places and a 3rd place. On Sat., they double Qd, with a 1st and 2nd place. Today, they only Qd in their jumpers run with a 2nd place, but on their standard run, Hardee made all his contacts which is success in our books...YAY! Hardee and Jim have the double Qs they need to qualify for Nationals, but just need 6 more points. We wouldn't go to Nationals, but it is nice to know that they could have, given Hardee gets those 6 points in 2 weekends from now at our next trial. I'm so proud of them both. Hardee just LOVES agility!! It brings such joy to me to see him run.
Hardee and I had success in the rally ring also. Rally was Sat. & Sun, and we double Qd each day for our 2nd and 3rd legs towards our RAE (Rally Advanced Excellent) title. On Sat., we got scores of 98 and 100 for our runs, and on Sun., we got a 99 and a 98. We had many ring conflicts, but we worked them out and made all of our runs before it was too late. I was very proud of Hardee in rally also.
Now obedience was another story. We are in Open A, and on Sat., it was HORRIBLE all the way around. Jim stood ring side and had treats in his pocket. Hardee would not concentrate on me, and only wanted Jim's treats. Today was a better performance. I banned Jim from the rally and obedience side of the field, and out of a possible 200 points, we had a 195.5 score going into our long, out of sight, sits and downs. The group sits and downs are the very last part of our competition day, and by today, after 3 days of being at this trial competing in 3 different venues, HH was very tired. During the long sits, the dog next to him went down, and the judge said Hardee looked over at the dog when it went down, contemplated it for a second, and went hmmmm, I think I'll lay down also, and down he went. Disappointing, but not unexpected given everything he has done for us this weekend. He gave us his all. Hardee was a champion this weekend, and we are so proud of him!
Now onto the bad news. Besides all the signs that I blogged about in my last post that caused me to call and schedule H's next CT scan earlier than planned, our most precious boy has now started to bleed from his nose again....an ominous sign. It is not dripping out, but comes out when he sneezes. Jim is working out of town this week again, so H and I will head to SoCal tomorrow to face this alone, again. I do not fault Jim. If he wasn't working, we wouldn't have been able to make arrangments to pay for H's care. It's just that he's not been able to make any Drs. appointments, surgeries, CT scans, or radiation treatments, etc. I fear the results on Tuesday and wish Jim could be there with me.
I know that some of you will question our decision to work HH this weekend. To us, it is still about balancing quality of life with rest. Hardee would not be content to sit home, and he loves to work. Anyone who saw his runs this weekend cannot say he wasn't happy to be there and loved what he was doing.
I'm asking all who care for Hardee for help. We need your prayers, your good karma, your positive thoughts, your healing vibes, whatever it is you can give as far as well wishes, to send them Hardee's way for a better result for Tuesday's scan than what I fear. It would be greatly appreciated.
Until then, we will love him as much as we can, and celebrate each day that we have with our most precious boy. As always, it is all about joy and all about Hardee!!! You know we wouldn't have it any other way. And as Christy says, "everybody loves Hardee!"
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Wed., Oct. 27, 2010 - Hardee's next CT scan
I'm scared again.
Just within the last few days or so, Hardee is displaying some signs that are worrisome to me. He's started to drill his face into the carpet again, paw at his face, dig at his right ear, and let out big yelps after a face rubbing episode. His sneezing has been gradually increasing, is often out of control, and getting worse, not better.
I could be patient no longer and left a message with Dr. Proulx yesterday. He called me back late last night, and I will be taking Hardee to So Cal next week for another CT scan. He agrees with me that the signs I have been seeing from Hardee need to be investigated. Dr. Proulx said it could just be a dead piece of tumor caught up in his nasal passage that they could try to flush out, or something worse. If the tumor is growing again, I can't wait until the middle to end of Nov. to scan again. I need to be proactive, instead of reactive, as best I can.
Keep good thoughts for us next Tuesday afternoon, which is when the CT is scheduled. I'll head down to my Mom's house on Monday. Where she lives in the mountains of So Cal, I can't get cell phone reception, and my wireless internet reception doesn't work. I'll try to get on my Mom's computer to post an update, or I'll go into town where I can get reception to post.
I'll try desperately not to think about the possibilities, I'm sure to no avail. We have a semi-local trial this weekend, and I'd hate for my worries to transfer down the lead to Hardee, but he knows my feelings already. Depending on how Hardee is feeling, we are entered in obedience, rally and agility. He'll let me know what he feels up to doing.
Until then, I am scared s***less, but it is all about joy and all about Hardee. Keep your fingers and paws crossed for us.
Just within the last few days or so, Hardee is displaying some signs that are worrisome to me. He's started to drill his face into the carpet again, paw at his face, dig at his right ear, and let out big yelps after a face rubbing episode. His sneezing has been gradually increasing, is often out of control, and getting worse, not better.
I could be patient no longer and left a message with Dr. Proulx yesterday. He called me back late last night, and I will be taking Hardee to So Cal next week for another CT scan. He agrees with me that the signs I have been seeing from Hardee need to be investigated. Dr. Proulx said it could just be a dead piece of tumor caught up in his nasal passage that they could try to flush out, or something worse. If the tumor is growing again, I can't wait until the middle to end of Nov. to scan again. I need to be proactive, instead of reactive, as best I can.
Keep good thoughts for us next Tuesday afternoon, which is when the CT is scheduled. I'll head down to my Mom's house on Monday. Where she lives in the mountains of So Cal, I can't get cell phone reception, and my wireless internet reception doesn't work. I'll try to get on my Mom's computer to post an update, or I'll go into town where I can get reception to post.
I'll try desperately not to think about the possibilities, I'm sure to no avail. We have a semi-local trial this weekend, and I'd hate for my worries to transfer down the lead to Hardee, but he knows my feelings already. Depending on how Hardee is feeling, we are entered in obedience, rally and agility. He'll let me know what he feels up to doing.
Until then, I am scared s***less, but it is all about joy and all about Hardee. Keep your fingers and paws crossed for us.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Thurs - Oct.14, 2010 - HH update, after a long break
It has been quite a while since I wrote an update on our Hardee boy. I got very discouraged about putting information out there about Hardee since people took it upon themselves to write me privately telling me everything I was doing wrong with our boy and telling me what I should be doing instead. Most of these people don't even know me or Hardee. Every move we have made involving Hardee's activities has been cleared by Hardee's specialists, and we want only the best for our boy. We balance what Hardee loves to do with rest and recuperation, but we believe in Hardee having good quality of life also.
Hardee is doing well currently, except we are battling another eye infection in his radiated eye. Dr. Proulx (radiation oncologist) didn't know if Hardee's hair on his face and head would grow back since he wasn't supposed to lose it, but in some areas there is quite a bit of new hair growth. Other areas are still bald. All the sores have healed on his face finally, right before we left for the Specialty. There hasn't been any discharge or bleeding from his nose for at least a month. He still rubs and bats at his face, but not as much as previously. I do believe he is breathing better, so that gives me hope that the gamma knife radiation is working to kill the tumor. Hardee's body hair is also growing back slowly since I shaved him down with a 10 blade a month ago. He still gets chilly, but a friend sent him a very nice jacket that she no longer uses to keep him warm. He still sneezes quite a bit and does this 'choking type - trying to clear something from his throat' noise like there is something back there he wants to come out. Tumor??? It's scary when I think about it, and we live for the day we can CT scan again.
We finished Hardee's radiation on Aug. 27th. They told me then to give the radiation 2-3 months to work, and then we could CT scan again. Originally, they told me 2 months but then changed it to 3 months. I've decided to give them 2.5 months, so that means in one month we can CT scan again to see what the tumor is doing. I'd like to go to Carlsbad, CA, where we had Hardee's radiation treatment, for the CT scan because then they can compare immediately the current scan against the previous scans to give me some sort of idea of the result before we have to wait for the radiologists reading. They do have copies of his scans here in Vegas also as this was the first place that Hardee got scanned. I'll have to compare prices first before we decide where to have the next CT scan done and the subsequent scans since they cost over two grand for each one, and Hardee will have to be scanned every 2-3 months to check on the tumor. Hardee's cancer has cost over 25 grand so far (and that was all within a couple weeks in Aug), and it is unlimited as to other treatments and scans. He is so worth it though, and we will do whatever we can, as long as we can.
We got back earlier this week from our first Portuguese Water Dog National Specialty where we competed in water, agility, rally, and obedience. Anyone who saw Hardee work at the Specialty cannot say that he did not want to be there working and competing. He loves the water and agility, and barks his head off doing each in his excitement. Hardee completed his working water dog level again and got a very nice, colorful rosette and purple slip lead. It was for exhibit only since he had already achieved that level last summer, but we lost too much training time with him being sick this summer to compete for the courier level. In agility, he had some nice, fast runs and placed first in Exc. B Jumps with Weaves, and second in FAST. He got some very nice rosettes and pewter boxes. We qualified in both of our rally runs for our first Rally Advanced Excellent leg. Hardee wasn't thrilled with the rain that day since he has no hair to protect him from the wet and cold, and he didn't perform the way he usually does, but I was still pleased.
Obedience was thrilling and heart breaking at the same time. It was our first time competing at the Open A level. The rain had finally stopped, but the ground was still soggy and cold. We were the second dog in for Open, and the grass was still very wet. On his drop on recall exercise, that I have NEVER had trouble with before, when the judge signalled for me to drop him and I told him to 'down', he stopped immediately but just sat instead of downing. He didn't want to put his bare belly down on that cold, wet grass. That automatically knocked us out of a qualifying score. I was disappointed, but I understood. I was the one who shaved him, so it was my fault. We would have had a 194.5 score if not for that one down. Still, I was pleased with his first performance in Open, and would have been very pleased with a 194.5 out of 200 possible points.
We overheard many comments about how Hardee looked....some not very nice. Many people thought he was improperly coated, not that there is anything wrong with that, but he is properly coated, just not now ;-). We heard many say "is that a PWD?" If they asked us specifically, we would explain. If not, we would just ignore their comments because we knew they didn't know or understand. One thought he had mange!
All in all, we had a good time at the Specialty. We didn't get to socialize much at all or meet very many people because we stayed in the room in the evenings trying to get Hardee some rest. During the day, we were competing and busy volunteering. I went out of the room a couple nights to do my volunteer Boutique job, but Hardee doesn't rest when I am gone. He's a mama's boy and likes me there. Due to some very nice angels, we did get to attend the awards dinner and received Hardee's Gold and Silver Register of Merit awards. Those awards are so special to us, especially now, because we don't know if Hardee will be able to attend another Specialty. He is our first PWD and our first competition dog, and we are so proud of him and his accomplishments. He is also our breeders first Bronze, Silver and Gold Register of Merit dog. Even though she doesn't recognize him, we hope that she is somehow proud of him and all of his accomplishments, and we are thankful that she selected him for us.
It will be a long month waiting for the next CT scan with not a lot to keep us busy to take our minds off of the wait. We don't compete again until the last weekend of the month where we will be doing agility, rally and obedience each day at a semi-local trial. I'm so anxious to find out how how much of our enemy, the tumor, died during the radiation
For our skeptics and those that will still find a way to criticize, Hardee is not sick. He has cancer, but he is not sick and hasn't been for quite awhile now. If you saw him at the Specialty, you would know. He does require more rest, which we make sure he gets. We did NOT train at all or go to lessons when he was sick. I do have a vet friend who sees him weekly now, and she makes sure we have what we need for Hardee, if we need anything. We only train one obedience lesson (< 1 hour) a week, IF we are in town, so it isn't even each week. Once in awhile just lately, I'll try to do a drop in rally run through. Hardee and Jim haven't trained agility in months, almost 4. Water season has ended, so that is not even an issue, but we missed a couple months of training water this summer. I don't know what people have in their minds that we do, but I'm trying to set the record straight. We do not have any agility equipment at home, nor do we do any other at home training. Really, we are quite lazy. When, or if, Hardee can ever go back to tracking, we'll try to go out once a week for a track during the winter when the snakes are hibernating and that's it. I really shouldn't have to explain myself and my choices for MY dog, but I feel the need to, for those that have questioned our training, to set the record straight. I am pleased to say that Hardee is naturally gifted and we don't have to train that much :) I do have goals that I wanted to accomplish with Hardee, but now don't know if they will ever come to fruition. We take each day as it comes and make the best decisions that we can for our boy and us. We don't know any other way.
Hardee has brought so much happiness into our lives, and we owe him so much. We will do whatever we can for our most precious boy. Every day that we continue to have him in our lives is a gift that we do not take for granted now. Hardee is joy to us, and it is all about joy and of course, all about Hardee!! Stick with us as we continue our fight.
Hardee is doing well currently, except we are battling another eye infection in his radiated eye. Dr. Proulx (radiation oncologist) didn't know if Hardee's hair on his face and head would grow back since he wasn't supposed to lose it, but in some areas there is quite a bit of new hair growth. Other areas are still bald. All the sores have healed on his face finally, right before we left for the Specialty. There hasn't been any discharge or bleeding from his nose for at least a month. He still rubs and bats at his face, but not as much as previously. I do believe he is breathing better, so that gives me hope that the gamma knife radiation is working to kill the tumor. Hardee's body hair is also growing back slowly since I shaved him down with a 10 blade a month ago. He still gets chilly, but a friend sent him a very nice jacket that she no longer uses to keep him warm. He still sneezes quite a bit and does this 'choking type - trying to clear something from his throat' noise like there is something back there he wants to come out. Tumor??? It's scary when I think about it, and we live for the day we can CT scan again.
We finished Hardee's radiation on Aug. 27th. They told me then to give the radiation 2-3 months to work, and then we could CT scan again. Originally, they told me 2 months but then changed it to 3 months. I've decided to give them 2.5 months, so that means in one month we can CT scan again to see what the tumor is doing. I'd like to go to Carlsbad, CA, where we had Hardee's radiation treatment, for the CT scan because then they can compare immediately the current scan against the previous scans to give me some sort of idea of the result before we have to wait for the radiologists reading. They do have copies of his scans here in Vegas also as this was the first place that Hardee got scanned. I'll have to compare prices first before we decide where to have the next CT scan done and the subsequent scans since they cost over two grand for each one, and Hardee will have to be scanned every 2-3 months to check on the tumor. Hardee's cancer has cost over 25 grand so far (and that was all within a couple weeks in Aug), and it is unlimited as to other treatments and scans. He is so worth it though, and we will do whatever we can, as long as we can.
We got back earlier this week from our first Portuguese Water Dog National Specialty where we competed in water, agility, rally, and obedience. Anyone who saw Hardee work at the Specialty cannot say that he did not want to be there working and competing. He loves the water and agility, and barks his head off doing each in his excitement. Hardee completed his working water dog level again and got a very nice, colorful rosette and purple slip lead. It was for exhibit only since he had already achieved that level last summer, but we lost too much training time with him being sick this summer to compete for the courier level. In agility, he had some nice, fast runs and placed first in Exc. B Jumps with Weaves, and second in FAST. He got some very nice rosettes and pewter boxes. We qualified in both of our rally runs for our first Rally Advanced Excellent leg. Hardee wasn't thrilled with the rain that day since he has no hair to protect him from the wet and cold, and he didn't perform the way he usually does, but I was still pleased.
Obedience was thrilling and heart breaking at the same time. It was our first time competing at the Open A level. The rain had finally stopped, but the ground was still soggy and cold. We were the second dog in for Open, and the grass was still very wet. On his drop on recall exercise, that I have NEVER had trouble with before, when the judge signalled for me to drop him and I told him to 'down', he stopped immediately but just sat instead of downing. He didn't want to put his bare belly down on that cold, wet grass. That automatically knocked us out of a qualifying score. I was disappointed, but I understood. I was the one who shaved him, so it was my fault. We would have had a 194.5 score if not for that one down. Still, I was pleased with his first performance in Open, and would have been very pleased with a 194.5 out of 200 possible points.
We overheard many comments about how Hardee looked....some not very nice. Many people thought he was improperly coated, not that there is anything wrong with that, but he is properly coated, just not now ;-). We heard many say "is that a PWD?" If they asked us specifically, we would explain. If not, we would just ignore their comments because we knew they didn't know or understand. One thought he had mange!
All in all, we had a good time at the Specialty. We didn't get to socialize much at all or meet very many people because we stayed in the room in the evenings trying to get Hardee some rest. During the day, we were competing and busy volunteering. I went out of the room a couple nights to do my volunteer Boutique job, but Hardee doesn't rest when I am gone. He's a mama's boy and likes me there. Due to some very nice angels, we did get to attend the awards dinner and received Hardee's Gold and Silver Register of Merit awards. Those awards are so special to us, especially now, because we don't know if Hardee will be able to attend another Specialty. He is our first PWD and our first competition dog, and we are so proud of him and his accomplishments. He is also our breeders first Bronze, Silver and Gold Register of Merit dog. Even though she doesn't recognize him, we hope that she is somehow proud of him and all of his accomplishments, and we are thankful that she selected him for us.
It will be a long month waiting for the next CT scan with not a lot to keep us busy to take our minds off of the wait. We don't compete again until the last weekend of the month where we will be doing agility, rally and obedience each day at a semi-local trial. I'm so anxious to find out how how much of our enemy, the tumor, died during the radiation
For our skeptics and those that will still find a way to criticize, Hardee is not sick. He has cancer, but he is not sick and hasn't been for quite awhile now. If you saw him at the Specialty, you would know. He does require more rest, which we make sure he gets. We did NOT train at all or go to lessons when he was sick. I do have a vet friend who sees him weekly now, and she makes sure we have what we need for Hardee, if we need anything. We only train one obedience lesson (< 1 hour) a week, IF we are in town, so it isn't even each week. Once in awhile just lately, I'll try to do a drop in rally run through. Hardee and Jim haven't trained agility in months, almost 4. Water season has ended, so that is not even an issue, but we missed a couple months of training water this summer. I don't know what people have in their minds that we do, but I'm trying to set the record straight. We do not have any agility equipment at home, nor do we do any other at home training. Really, we are quite lazy. When, or if, Hardee can ever go back to tracking, we'll try to go out once a week for a track during the winter when the snakes are hibernating and that's it. I really shouldn't have to explain myself and my choices for MY dog, but I feel the need to, for those that have questioned our training, to set the record straight. I am pleased to say that Hardee is naturally gifted and we don't have to train that much :) I do have goals that I wanted to accomplish with Hardee, but now don't know if they will ever come to fruition. We take each day as it comes and make the best decisions that we can for our boy and us. We don't know any other way.
Hardee has brought so much happiness into our lives, and we owe him so much. We will do whatever we can for our most precious boy. Every day that we continue to have him in our lives is a gift that we do not take for granted now. Hardee is joy to us, and it is all about joy and of course, all about Hardee!! Stick with us as we continue our fight.
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