Handsome Hardee

Handsome Hardee
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Face of Courage

Face of Courage
Face of courage

Monday, August 30, 2010

Sunday, Aug. 29, 2010 - Home

After being on the road for over a week and a half, Hardee and I are home.  HH was so excited to be home, he just kind of went nuts.  It was thrilling to watch him run around like there was nothing wrong.  He even played with some stuffies which he hasn't done in almost a month.  Seems he is feeling better right now. 

Hardee finished radiation on Friday night and was entered in an agility trial Sat. and Sun.  After 3 consecutive days of anesthesia and radiation, we didn't know if Hardee would feel up to running agility or not.  He did and had a fun filled weekend.  He had a QQ (2 qualifying runs) on Sat., but tunnel sucked on his standard course on Sunday to bust his QQ possibility, though his jumpers run was nice.  I didn't attend the trial on Sat. to give me some time to regroup alone, but more for Hardee and Jim to have some guy alone bonding time.  They got to spend 13 hours together while I slept in and went to visit my Mom.

Though Hardee dearly loves his Grandma, he cannot visit her until we at least get that pocket of fluid behind the tumor to drain.  HH's Grandma lives up in the mountains and the pressure changes caused from the elevation changes hurts his sinus/tumor.  I had noticed for quite some months back that Hardee would whine/cry when we would go down the mountain.  Even though we had just pottied him before getting in the car to leave the mountain, he would whine like he had to potty.  We'd find a place to pull over, but he would not "go".  I thought maybe he didn't like leaving Grandma's house or that his ears were hurting him.  Now we know it is the tumor/infection trapped up in that sinus.  Anyone with chronic sinus problems like me will know about what I am writing.  Anyway, no Grandma's house in his near future, but he still loves you, Mom.

While at the trial today, I noticed that Hardee's nose is changing color and that his tongue is purple instead of his nice pink usual color.  I'm assuming that is from the radiation, but I don't know if it is something I should worry about.  I'll call Dr. Proulx tomorrow.  He told me to call his cell phone if I saw anything out of the ordinary with him.

Also, Hardee is doing this cough/choking thing that he doesn't seem to be able to control (almost like the reverse sneezing thing, but not), and it goes on for quite some time and worries me.  He's also having sneezing fits where he'll sneeze about 15 times in a row.  Something else to bring up to Dr Proulx tomorrow. 

Hardee paws at his face a lot with his front leg, and turns his head upside down and drills his face into the carpet, bed, chair, etc.  He's been doing this for some time, but it is happening much more often.  I'm going to start him on his pain pills tomorrow because I think the tumor is really starting to bother him.  I'm going to use Tramadol for his pain control.

Hopefully I'll get some answers about the tongue color change tomorrow.  Until then, you know it by now, it is all about joy and all about Hardee!!

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Fri., Aug. 27, 2010 - The end of radiation

We finished the gamma knife radiation today.  So far, Hardee seems unfazed by it, but the effects won't show up for at least a week.  Hardee will probably have ulcers on the roof of his mouth, so they sent me home with a solution that they made up at the CVS hospital and some syringes to squirt the solution up on the roof of his mouth.  It has lidocaine in it to help numb the area.  I already have pain pills for him, and when the time comes, Dr. Proulx will call in an antibiotic prescription for him to fight the infection that will develop in his mouth from the ulcers.

Originally we didn't expect the ulcers or other side effects, but because the tumor had grown in the week and a half between CT scans, he had no choice but to radiate further down towards the palate and towards the eye.  They had to radiate about 10% of the eye, and we're not sure what the effects will be.  Dr. Proulx doesn't think that he'll lose the eye, but some of his vision might be affected. 

These side effects that we didn't expect have me thinking hard about our decision to do the radiation.  The one thing we didn't want was for Hardee to suffer.  Now he will a bit with the mouth ulcers.  So, was the radiation worth it to try to extend his life if he will be in pain?  Since I don't know how bad the mouth ulcers will be or his eye effects, right now I still say yes.  Really, gamma knife radiation was our only option and our safest.  That or watch him die in 1-2 months or sooner as the tumor has really been bothering him.  He paws at his face quite a bit and rubs it on anything he can.

It has been a long grueling week for us both.  Hardee for what he has had to endure, and for me as I wrestle with the decision we made.  I hope that Hardee can forgive me for putting him through this, and I hope he learns to trust me again.  He tried desperately not to go back in that hospital every day and not have me leave him, and I had to drag him in.  It was so heart breaking for me to do this to him.  I hope it wasn't all for naught.  Now we sit back patiently (ha!..) and wait 2-3 months before we CT scan again to see if the tumor has shrunk. 

The radiation won't have any affects on the tumor for about 2 weeks.  I think that I'll have a clue that the radiation is working if I see an increase in the drainage coming from his nose as that pocket of fluid trapped behind the tumor starts to drain as the tumor starts to shrink.  Fingers and paws crossed that we see an increase in drainage then!!!

Hardee seems none the worse for wear after 3 straight days of anesthesia.  I was told by the doctors that he is just one of those rare dogs that has a hard time waking up from anesthesia.  After Wednesday's anesthesia, Hardee was coughing quite a bit so I had them intubate him the next 2 days with a smaller diameter endotracheal tube so it wouldn't bother his throat so much.

If Hardee feels up to it, he'll run agility here in So. Cal. this weekend.  If not, we'll just visit with friends and try to regain some sort of normalcy to our lives for the weekend and head home on Sunday.  I am constantly reminded that it should be all about joy, but it has always been all about Hardee!  That's the way we like it!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Wed., Aug. 25, 2010 - Info from Dr. Proulx and first day of radiation

You can only fool Hardee once, then he knows.  Poor boy didn't want to walk into the place and went into a tizzy when the tech came out to talk to me.  I asked if they had a different door that they could take him through instead of the one last Friday because I knew we would get hysterical.  I can't reach down and pet him or tell him that "mama loves you" as we walk towards that door because he knows what that means also.  I don't know what other doors they have for the next 2 days.

I did get to talk to Dr. Proulx.  The results of the CT scan from last Friday were not what I had hoped.  The tumor has grown in the week and a half since his last scan, about 5% bigger.  It has gone into the left nasal passage some now where before the tumor had just pushed the septum into the left passage.  He also said that all that fluid trapped behind the tumor goes way up into the sinus and is hard to differentiate from tumor.  Because he is not sure exactly where the tumor ends and fluid begins, he will have to radiate very close to his eye and between his eyes towards the brain.  We are now getting into some very delicate tissues that are easily effected by radiation.  I hope we can spare his eye.

Side effects shouldn't show up for about 2 weeks.  We didn't get a chance today to go over all the side effects, but because they have to radiate almost through the hard palate inside his mouth to get margins past the tumor area, he'll probably develop ulcers on the roof of his mouth.  Previously we didn't think that would happen but because of the tumor growth, we have no choice now.

I did find out today that gamma knife radiation is used almost exclusively for nasal and brain tumors.  Dr. Proulx has used it more for brain tumors.  He did tell me about 2 cases he has used this type of radiation on for nasal tumors.  In one case the tumor came back, and the other case was just a little over a month ago, so they don't know yet about the outcome.  You have to wait 2 months after radiation to scan again to see if the tumor has shrunk.

I asked about any other info on statistics from gamma knife on nasal tumors.  The other facility doing gamma knife radiation is in New York.  The radiation oncologist there has just written an abstract that she will deliver at a big radiation oncology meeting that shows that gamma knife on nasal tumors extends the life of dogs about 12-18 months generally.  Dr Proulx cautioned me that his settings are much higher than hers and that she is still very conservative with her radiation.  Dr. Proulx has been gradually increasing his settings to get better results, but this is not yet proven.  I asked him if he thought this was curative, and he said it has the possibility to be but that he doesn't want to give false hope.

This has been a hard afternoon having to hear these bits of information.  Please don't call me right now.  I need time to regroup before I go pick up Hardee.  I did drive down to the ocean after I had to leave the little bubs at the hospital today seeking some solace and even that didn't work out.  I did catch a glimpse or two though.

I need to go remind myself that it is all about joy, but as always, it is still all about Hardee!  We wouldn't have it any other way.

Tuesday, Aug. 24, 2010 - Night before radiation begins

Here we sit, all settled into our hotel in Carlsbad, CA.  Tomorrow starts HH's (Handsome Hardee's) radiation.  Of course, he doesn't seem fazed by that fact because he doesn't know the fight ahead of him.  I do, and I am nervous and anxious.  I feel like my "insides" are a big bowl of jiggly jello.  I hope when I snuggle HH tonight before sleep, he doesn't feel me shaking inside for him.

Our appointment at CVS (CA Veterinary Specialists) is at 1:30 tomorrow.  From there they will start his I.V. and transport him over to Cyber Knife where H's radiation will be at 3pm.  I hope I get to talk to Dr. Proulx before they start the radiation.  I want to find out the results of that precise CT scan they did last Friday and ask some questions.

Since we chose the gamma knife radiation, it is only 3 days now I am told (Wed, Thurs, Fri).  I was originally told in Las Vegas that radiation would be a week, so I hope we are getting what H needs.  I don't know what all the side effects are so that will be another question for the Dr. tomorrow. 

One of the side effects for H will be starvation, I'm sure he'll think.  His fast starts at midnight.  I HATE the fasting part of general anesthesia.  Nothing to eat until around 7pm the following night for the boy.  Also, not much time to eat before he starts the fast all over again for the next day's anesthesia.  I'm worried about the anesthesia also.  A couple of times, Hardee has had a "hard time" waking up from anesthesia, and now he has to have it 3 days in a row.  Too many things to be worried about!!  No wonder I'm a ball of nerves!

Hardee is having a hard time with his allergies right now.  I haven't given him his allergy shots since we found out about the tumor.  While his immune system is compromised, the oncologist agreed with me about stopping the allergy shots for now since they do challenge his immune system.  Starting yesterday, he is scratching out tons of hair and biting himself everywhere.  I feel so badly for him and I still give him his Claritin, but it doesn't work.

It will be long nights and days heading into this radiation for me.  My goal is to not let Hardee know my feelings and nervousness.  It is all about perceived joy and of course, all about Hardee!!!

Thank you all for your support, caring, prayers, and good thoughts.  A great big hug of thanks goes out to those special people that have supported us in other ways.  You know who you are, and we will be forever grateful.  You mean the world to us!

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Sunday, Aug. 22, 2010 - Hardee's weekend

We had a fabulous weekend!!  Jim drove down from Vegas, and Hardee and I met Jim at the agility trial site in Walnut, CA.  Since Hardee seemed fully recovered from the previous afternoon's anesthesia, we decided to see if Hardee wanted to run.  It did not matter to us either way; we just want HH to be happy. 

For those that have questioned the decision to let Hardee compete, I understand your concern.  I did clear it with his radiation oncologist first.  Dr. Proulx specifically said that he didn't see a problem with it.  We only have Hardee's best interest in mind, and since it is all about quality of life and since he loves agility, we wanted to give him the chance in case he felt up to running.  I must confess that I did worry that Hardee running would start his nose bleeding again, but my worry was for naught.  I watched him closely trying to pick up on any clues that this is not what he wanted to do, that it caused him any pain or stress, or that he was too tired.  If you could have seen him run, you would have known it was the right decision. 

Hardee had 2 runs each day of the weekend.  His first run was jumps with weaves (JWW).  He did fabulously and qualified (Q).  His next run was standard, and he was too wound up and jumped off the A-frame without touching in the contact zone.  The rest of the run was nice though, and he had a blast.  On Sunday, he had the same running order.  He qualifed in JWW, so he was on his way to a double qualifying (QQ) day possibility.  The standard course was very tricky, but Jim and Hardee stuck with it and qualified.  Hardee did everything perfectly and listened to Jim.  It was a joy to watch.  Jim and Hardee only had 2 QQs before today, so it was thrilling for us all, especially given the circumstances.

Sitting at an agility trial enjoying good company with dogs running, we could almost forget, just for a second, about the enemy we are fighting for Hardee.  We could live in the moment and relish Hardee's and other dogs' accomplishments.  There was peace, and there was joy.

And as you know, it is all about joy and all about Hardee!!

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Fri. Aug. 20, 2010- Hardee's CT scan update

We are back in the hotel after Hardee's scan today.  Hardee is doing fine, just tired and sleeping on the bed.  He held down his dinner and made the 95 mile trip back to where we are staying currently without a sick stomach.  I gave him some more to eat when we got back to the hotel.

Hardee was a big hit at the hospital today, and the report that I got was that he wooed them all at Inner Vision also where he went for his scan.  Some of the comments that I got about him were pretty funny.  The oncology nurse said "if he has nasal cancer, why did they shave his back end?  What procedure did they do back there?"  People in the waiting room wanted to know if I purposely pulled his hair forward to make his bangs.  There were a couple other comments that made me smile also.  HH was a good ambassador of the breed, and everybody wanted to see all his commands that he would do.  Seems everyone's favorites were "back up" where he has to back away from me while we are facing each other, and also "back" where he has to back up with me as he heels along side of me.  Poor boy thought he was going to get a treat, but I couldn't give him anything because of the impending anesthesia.  He was so hungry.

They did some more shaving on him today.  From surgeries last week, they shaved a little over a two inch path all the way around his left front leg, so he looks kind of poodle-ish on that one side.  They only shaved small spots on his back legs for additional I.V.s.  Today, they shaved a spot on the top of his head and marked a spot with purple marker.  There are also 2 spots shaved on top of his muzzle.  I believe these shaved spots today are to line him up to the same position for radiation that he was in for today's scan.  Radiation starts next week, probably Wednesday, but final plans are still in the works.

Hardee was entered in 3 agility trials in a row starting this weekend.  Jim is driving down tomorrow morning, leaving at 3am, and we'll go to the trial.  If Hardee feels up to running, we'll let him.  Dr. Proulx said it was okay.  If Hardee doesn't want to run, well then, we'll just visit his peeps and let him rest.  It's totally up to him.  It's all about quality of life, and we leave it up to him to let us know what he feels up to doing.  He missed his runs today, and he'll miss at least Friday and Saturday of next week also.  He hasn't run agility for almost 3 months now.

I'm anxious to start HH's radiation next week.  I'm also very anxious to see what the more precise CT scan shows after they complete the final interpretation.  Dr. Proulx did say that he saw a big pocket of fluid (infection?..blood?) back behind the tumor.  I'm pretty sure that is where the mucous discharge is coming from.  He was bleeding from his nose again this morning which I assume is the tumor, but it was very short lived.

It is wonderful to share our lives with this fabulous boy dog, and Jim will be happy to see Hardee for the weekend.  Jim will go home on Sunday, but HH and I will be down here for at least another week.

I'll write again, probably Sunday night.  Until then, it is all about joy and all about Hardee!

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Aug 18, 2010, Wed. - Update on travel plan & Hardee's health

Finally, it seems we have had a turn around with this infection.  Hardee's been on antibiotics for a week now.  This morning he trotted ahead of me out to do potties instead of lagging behind.  His head was up, as was his tail.  After we came back in, he even brought me one of his stuffies and instigated play for about 30 seconds.  That set off a barking zoomie which quickly faded within 10 seconds.  But, he is well on his way to recovery from this dang infection.  We can now set out sights on the enemy (tumor) and prepare for battle.

We leave tomorrow, Thursday, for Southern California.  On Friday, we have an appointment with the radiation oncologist, Dr. Proulx, at noon.  About 1:30pm, we all head over to Inner Vision where the CT scan will be done at 3pm.  It is that very precise scan that they will do Friday that Dr Proulx will use to formulate his radiation plan.  They say that Hardee should be awake from the anesthesia around 8pm and ready to go back to the hotel.

Now for my biggest challenge....They have told me that Hardee can't have anything to eat or drink after midnight the previous night.  His scan and his radiation aren't until 3pm each day, after all humans are done.  They must not know PWDs, or they would know what they are asking is near impossible.  I pity the people in the rooms around us as Hardee tells me about how hungry he is.  I guess I'll be fasting with him because that would be pretty darn mean to eat in front of him.  Plus, he might charge me trying to knock me down to get the food.

At Friday's appointment with the Dr., I'll know the final plan for radiation next week so I probably won't post again until Friday, maybe while Hardee is under getting his scan. 

Tomorrow starts our big journey towards the battle field.  We have to get armoured up, and gather our forces and plan of attack first.  Can you tell I was a military wife for 30 years?  I'll let you know what day we start to drop bombs on the enemy.  We will be victorious and have our own little V-Day.

Until then, you know it by now, it is all about joy and all about Hardee!!!

P.S.- Hardee sends a big shout out to all his peeps and followers.