So far, Hardee is hanging in there. We are still doing the daily chemo (cyclophosphamide) at home, and the IV chemo every 3 weeks. Two weeks ago, we did carboplatin as his second type of IV chemo. He handled that chemo better than the first chemo, epirubicin. The side effect from the carboplatin was diarrhea that turned bloody a week after getting the treatment, but I took HH to the holistic vet and bought some things to treat the diarrhea. We also got his blood work done while there, and Hardee was NOT neutropenic (low white blood cells) like he was after the epirubicin, so he did not have to have antibiotics again. Based on the above, I have decided to have carboplatin done again, instead of doxorubicin or epirubicin, for Hardee's next IV chemo. The only other side effect that I have seen from the chemo is hair loss. Hardee continues to lose tons of hair each day. I'd say he has lost over half his hair with quite a few bald spots in progress.
Hardee still sneezes a lot, a symptom of the tumor. Each sneeze has the potential to set off a bleed, so most of the time I hold my breath with each sneeze waiting to see if his nose bleeds. Since we had that bad bleed back in November, we haven't had another, thank goodness. I'll tell you later why I am so anxious about the sneezing. Hardee still has a lot of discharge from his nose and has post nasal drip. His right eye still waters, and just within the last couple days, his left eye has started to have a gelatinous discharge. It seems to me that the tumor is spreading more into the left side of his nasal passage now, but we have not CT scanned for over a month now.
While we were at the holistic vet in town here, I inquired about the dog that was from here also that was diagnosed with a nasal tumor over a month after Hardee that also did Cyber Knife radiation. I was shocked and saddened to hear that it had passed away a couple weeks ago. We are on very borrowed time with Hardee. The holistic vet also told me how Hardee would die. A bleed would set in that we cannot control, and he will have to be put down. Though I had suspected that would be the case, no one had the guts to tell me this before, and I am somewhat relieved to know the cause. This is why I wait anxiously with each sneeze to see the outcome.
On a totally different subject, I have addressed this problem before in my blog but there are still people out there who feel the need to write me privately with their opinions about the treatments Hardee is receiving or what we are letting Hardee do. For those people that think they know more about my dog than I do or that they know more than Hardee's numerous oncologists do, please feel free NOT to read my blog!!! At this most horrible time in my life, I am appalled that some people would write the things to me that they do. I truly do not care whether you agree with me about Hardee's treatments or about his continuing to compete. Hardee's oncologists have approved it, and it makes Hardee happy. What can possibly be wrong with that????
Hardee has cancer and is dying, but he is not sick. Except for diarrhea from the chemo that lasts for a couple days that we treat, Hardee is NOT sick. It is about quality of life with the little time Hardee has left and he loves to run agility and compete. To quote a friend from about a week ago, "I just had the good fortune to spend the day with Jennie, Jim and Hardee at an Agility Trial in Las Vegas! Hardee looks fantastic - - if you didn't know the details you would never suspect he has cancer. Happy, tail wagging, barking and jumping, weaving and teetering - he did it all! I hope someday if I have cancer,... someone loves me enough to let me keep doing what I love! The three of you are an inspiration!"
Not letting Hardee run agility or compete will NOT extend his life longer. The tumor grows whether he is doing what he loves or laying around on the sofa. Hardee is a working dog that loves to work. He does not do it to please us; he does it because he loves it. He whines and barks in his crate and is raring to go when he knows Jim is getting ready to run him. I don't know how to explain it further to you people who write me privately with your opinions, and I shouldn't have to.
We love Hardee with every fiber of our beings. He is what brings us joy, and he sustains us. We owe him everything, and try our hardest to give him the best life possible. We have been truly blessed to have him in our lives, even for this short time. As long as possible, it is, and will always be, all about Hardee.
Handsome Hardee
We are a patriotic family!
Face of Courage
Face of courage
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Monday, December 6, 2010
Monday, Dec. 6, 2010 - Finally home but going again
We are finally home after being on the road for 1.5 weeks. Hardee held up fantastically well, and I was very pleased with him. He got one double qualifying leg with his Dad in agility and lots of points. We had a good appointment with the new oncologist and started some new therapies. Then Hardee went to Long beach with his Mom where he competed in rally and obedience for 3 days. HH got his 7th, 8th and 9th double qualifying legs towards his Rally Advanced Excellent title. Just one more double qualifying leg to go! He qualified only one day in Open A obedience towards his Companion Dog Excellent title (CDX), but I was still pleased. He was too tired to hold his long sit at the end of the week, which kept disqualifying us, but I was still pleased. We need to qualify 2 more times for his CDX title.
When we got home last night, we started on the metronomic therapy drug that was compounded for Hardee at the pharmacy in AZ. Cyclophosphamide is a molecular therapy and is a form of chemo (chemotherapeutic medication) that interferes with the growth of cancer cells and slows their growth and spread in the body. I have to handle it with gloves, so it scares me to be giving it to my boy. Also, Hardee started on Peroxicam this morning which is in the NSAID class of drugs, but is being used as a supplementary drug in the treatment of his cancer. Peroxicam has been found to enhance the body's own ability to destroy cancer cells. There are side effects to both, so I have to watch him carefully.
Hardee's bleeding from his nose has slowed down markedly. We only got in trouble on Thursday from a judge in the obedience ring for the bleeding. Hardee sneezed his way through the rally and obedience rings all days, and I had to stop and wait for him while he went through numerous sneezes during our floor exercises. Hardee's nose still drains, but it is just blood tinged fluid now, instead of being total blood. Hardee also is losing his hair from chemo. His coat is thinner, but not anything that anyone else would really notice just yet, but he is a Portuguese shedding dog.
We leave Wed. night again for SoCal. Thursday, HH gets chemo again. This time he will get Carboplatin which should be easier on him than the last chemo. Friday, we compete in rally and obedience again, then head home Friday night late. Jim and Hardee have a local agility trial Sat & Sun here in Vegas. The schedule is too busy, and we'll just have to wait and see what HH feels up to doing. He's a hardy boy and is built to withstand (his registered name), but he'll let me know. I don't know what the new IV chemo will do to him, especially in conjunction with the chemo pills we started at home last night. Our paws are crossed here that he weathers this chemo storm well.
Until then, it is all about joy and all about Hardee!!
When we got home last night, we started on the metronomic therapy drug that was compounded for Hardee at the pharmacy in AZ. Cyclophosphamide is a molecular therapy and is a form of chemo (chemotherapeutic medication) that interferes with the growth of cancer cells and slows their growth and spread in the body. I have to handle it with gloves, so it scares me to be giving it to my boy. Also, Hardee started on Peroxicam this morning which is in the NSAID class of drugs, but is being used as a supplementary drug in the treatment of his cancer. Peroxicam has been found to enhance the body's own ability to destroy cancer cells. There are side effects to both, so I have to watch him carefully.
Hardee's bleeding from his nose has slowed down markedly. We only got in trouble on Thursday from a judge in the obedience ring for the bleeding. Hardee sneezed his way through the rally and obedience rings all days, and I had to stop and wait for him while he went through numerous sneezes during our floor exercises. Hardee's nose still drains, but it is just blood tinged fluid now, instead of being total blood. Hardee also is losing his hair from chemo. His coat is thinner, but not anything that anyone else would really notice just yet, but he is a Portuguese shedding dog.
We leave Wed. night again for SoCal. Thursday, HH gets chemo again. This time he will get Carboplatin which should be easier on him than the last chemo. Friday, we compete in rally and obedience again, then head home Friday night late. Jim and Hardee have a local agility trial Sat & Sun here in Vegas. The schedule is too busy, and we'll just have to wait and see what HH feels up to doing. He's a hardy boy and is built to withstand (his registered name), but he'll let me know. I don't know what the new IV chemo will do to him, especially in conjunction with the chemo pills we started at home last night. Our paws are crossed here that he weathers this chemo storm well.
Until then, it is all about joy and all about Hardee!!
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Wed., Dec 1, 2010 - We are still fighting!
We had our appointment with Dr. Ogilvie Monday in Carlsbad, CA. It went well, and Hardee had some tests run. His bloodwork came back normal, for the most part, and the good news is that he is no longer neutropenic so I can take him off the antibiotics. HH is still dehydrated from his chemo reaction, but we are working on that. He had chest radiographs done to see if the cancer had spread to his lungs, and it had not....YAY!...a bright side!
Dr O said that this cancer CANNOT be cured and wanted to make sure that I understood that. What we are focusing on now is quality of life, and if we can, controlling the tumor growth that is on a rampage. Nasal chondrosarcomas are slow to respond to therapy, and Hardee's seems really resistant to everything we have tried so far. Dr O doesn't agree that chemo should work within a week like what Dr V told me, and he doesn't want to CT again until we've done 2 rounds of chemo. Dr O thinks there are still some grenades that haven't been tried yet with Hardee that we can still lob at this tumor.
A surgeon came in to talk to me about debulking the tumor. If we got rid of as much as we can of the tumor, the chemo drugs might be more effective. The tumor would always regrow though because we can't surgically get all the tumor because of it's position. Hardee would be very disfigured, and it is a very hard surgery on dogs with a long recuperation time. They cut through the bones of his face and actually remove quite a bit of structure. I don't want to do that to Hardee and have some of his last days be about trying to recuperate. I asked the surgeon if he would do this surgery on his dog before he would do chemo, and he said No, that he would just do the chemo. That sealed my decision for no surgery.
The current plan now is to try to control the tumor growth with chemo and metronomic therapy. I haven't had time to research metronomic therapy just yet, but it is a molecular therapeutic. The drugs will be compounded for me by a pharmacy in Arizona and sent to the house. I have to wear gloves to handle it, and Hardee gets it daily. Next week we go for chemo again, but this round of chemo will be carboplatin, which is supposed to be easier on him. We might add in some more tumor suppression drugs later.
They also gave me an option to help control the bleeding from the nose, though currently we are having a good couple days of not much blood. The option to control bleeding is to surgically tie off the carotid arteries. That worried me immediately about how his brain, head, & face area would perfuse. He assured me that dog anatomy is different from human and that it would not affect blood supply to the head structure. I don't think we will consider that option, but we'll just have to see how this all plays out.
While we were at the agility trial this past weekend, there was an animal communicator there named Joy. We paid for a session, and I want to believe what she told us. There are things that I wanted to know. Here's some of the answers that she gave us. Yes, Hardee knows he is dying, and he has some anger over that. He thought he would be here another 10 years. He loves his life and fell in love with us when he first met us. Yes, he knows how much we love him and worries about us when he is gone. Yes, he wants to continue running agility for as long as his Dad will run him. He loves it, he says. He doesn't love the obedience and rally that I do with him, but I already knew that. I had Joy tell him that it was important to me and that if he would finish his RAE and CDX titles, I'd never make him do any more rally or obedience again.
The first thing that Hardee asked Joy when the session started was could he come back? He kept asking it she said because he enjoys his life so much. I had Joy tell him to do what he could to come back to us. Joy said that there was a reddish brown dog with a black mask who has come to guide him to the bridge. That would be my Cessna, my Rhodesian Ridgeback. Joy said she only sees the ones who come to guide the dying when their time to go is getting closer. We are still fighting though because Hardee said that he still wanted to fight. My Cessie was a patient girl, and she'll just have to wait for later to guide Hardee.
Hardee and I are in long Beach currently, competing in rally and obedience. So far, Hardee is doing great! We qualified and placed in all of our runs today. We got Hardee's 7th RAE leg and his 1st Open A obedience leg towards his CDX. We even placed 2nd, and also got the high scoring PWD in obedience award. Two more days to go, and I hope Hardee will continue to feel okay down here so we can get through this. He's held up fantastically with no white blood cells last week, being on the road for almost a week so far, 3 days of agility over the weekend, oncologist appointment Monday where they stuck a big needle into his bladder, and took blood and chest radiographs, and now this 3 day trial. My Handsome Hardee is indeed hardy!!
Today, it has been all about my joy and pride of qualifying with Hardee, and praising and treating him. It always rolls back around to the most important thing, because it is always all about Hardee!!
Dr O said that this cancer CANNOT be cured and wanted to make sure that I understood that. What we are focusing on now is quality of life, and if we can, controlling the tumor growth that is on a rampage. Nasal chondrosarcomas are slow to respond to therapy, and Hardee's seems really resistant to everything we have tried so far. Dr O doesn't agree that chemo should work within a week like what Dr V told me, and he doesn't want to CT again until we've done 2 rounds of chemo. Dr O thinks there are still some grenades that haven't been tried yet with Hardee that we can still lob at this tumor.
A surgeon came in to talk to me about debulking the tumor. If we got rid of as much as we can of the tumor, the chemo drugs might be more effective. The tumor would always regrow though because we can't surgically get all the tumor because of it's position. Hardee would be very disfigured, and it is a very hard surgery on dogs with a long recuperation time. They cut through the bones of his face and actually remove quite a bit of structure. I don't want to do that to Hardee and have some of his last days be about trying to recuperate. I asked the surgeon if he would do this surgery on his dog before he would do chemo, and he said No, that he would just do the chemo. That sealed my decision for no surgery.
The current plan now is to try to control the tumor growth with chemo and metronomic therapy. I haven't had time to research metronomic therapy just yet, but it is a molecular therapeutic. The drugs will be compounded for me by a pharmacy in Arizona and sent to the house. I have to wear gloves to handle it, and Hardee gets it daily. Next week we go for chemo again, but this round of chemo will be carboplatin, which is supposed to be easier on him. We might add in some more tumor suppression drugs later.
They also gave me an option to help control the bleeding from the nose, though currently we are having a good couple days of not much blood. The option to control bleeding is to surgically tie off the carotid arteries. That worried me immediately about how his brain, head, & face area would perfuse. He assured me that dog anatomy is different from human and that it would not affect blood supply to the head structure. I don't think we will consider that option, but we'll just have to see how this all plays out.
While we were at the agility trial this past weekend, there was an animal communicator there named Joy. We paid for a session, and I want to believe what she told us. There are things that I wanted to know. Here's some of the answers that she gave us. Yes, Hardee knows he is dying, and he has some anger over that. He thought he would be here another 10 years. He loves his life and fell in love with us when he first met us. Yes, he knows how much we love him and worries about us when he is gone. Yes, he wants to continue running agility for as long as his Dad will run him. He loves it, he says. He doesn't love the obedience and rally that I do with him, but I already knew that. I had Joy tell him that it was important to me and that if he would finish his RAE and CDX titles, I'd never make him do any more rally or obedience again.
The first thing that Hardee asked Joy when the session started was could he come back? He kept asking it she said because he enjoys his life so much. I had Joy tell him to do what he could to come back to us. Joy said that there was a reddish brown dog with a black mask who has come to guide him to the bridge. That would be my Cessna, my Rhodesian Ridgeback. Joy said she only sees the ones who come to guide the dying when their time to go is getting closer. We are still fighting though because Hardee said that he still wanted to fight. My Cessie was a patient girl, and she'll just have to wait for later to guide Hardee.
Hardee and I are in long Beach currently, competing in rally and obedience. So far, Hardee is doing great! We qualified and placed in all of our runs today. We got Hardee's 7th RAE leg and his 1st Open A obedience leg towards his CDX. We even placed 2nd, and also got the high scoring PWD in obedience award. Two more days to go, and I hope Hardee will continue to feel okay down here so we can get through this. He's held up fantastically with no white blood cells last week, being on the road for almost a week so far, 3 days of agility over the weekend, oncologist appointment Monday where they stuck a big needle into his bladder, and took blood and chest radiographs, and now this 3 day trial. My Handsome Hardee is indeed hardy!!
Today, it has been all about my joy and pride of qualifying with Hardee, and praising and treating him. It always rolls back around to the most important thing, because it is always all about Hardee!!
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Sat., Nov. 27, 2010 - Thanksgiving plans
Since I wrote last, Hardee is feeling much better and has his appetite back and is gaining weight. It took a couple days, but he lived up to his name and bounced back quicker than I thought he would. Last Wednesday we went for bloodwork one week after chemo, and HH was neutropenic, meaning his white blood cell count was too low. When your white cells drop too low, your immune system is compromised and you can't fight off an infection. Wed. night we had to drive back to the specialists late and pick up antibiotics for Hardee to be on for at least a week, until we do more bloodwork to check his white count again.
We were supposed to leave for my Mom's in So. Cal. Wed. night for Thanksgiving, but you know what they say about the best laid plans. I wanted Hardee on antibiotics for at least 4 doses before we took him anywhere to help him be able to fight off any infection . We finally left for So Cal Friday morning, after HH's 4th dose. Remembering that it is about quality of life for our boy and also remembering how much he loves agility, we headed for the 3 day agility trial that we had planned. Since HH had already missed his turkey eating day, we gave him one of his faves, agility. Each morning we assess him to see if he feels up to running because it does not matter to us. We just want him happy, especially now.
Originally we thought we could, and would, kick this cancer's ass. We had a fabulous, new, expensive, state of the art radiation plan that would rid the tumor from our lives. It seemed impossible to me that this cancer could ever get the best of us, especially for a boy so young and so full of potential, who had parents that would do anything for him. It seems though, that this cancer is a formidable foe that is not easily conquered. It is getting the best of Hardee, and of us, as it seems we are dying right along with Hardee. We have a chemo consultation planned with one of the top doctors in the field of chemotherapy this Monday. Unless he can work a miracle for us, Hardee doesn't have much time left.
Chemo only has a slim possibility of working for a nasal tumor, and if it was going to work, it was supposed to work quickly to shrink the tumor. I watch Hardee constantly for signs that the tumor is shrinking. I watch his tear duct for signs that it is becoming less blocked by the tumor. I watch the nose bleeding for signs that it is getting lighter and less frequent. I watch how much he paws at his face and how much he drills his face into the carpet, in hope that it is less. For any of those signs, they are not less; in fact they are more frequent.
As heart breaking as it is for us to think about losing him, it is more heart breaking to watch as this cancer devours our boy and what Hardee has to endure. Soon, his quality of life will diminish enough that we can no longer have him suffer the pain, and we will have to make the most horrible decision of our lives. But, it is not about us. It has always been, and will continue to be, all about Hardee.
Today, I bought a new patriotic bandanna, with a pewter paw print accessory on it, for Hardee to wear to the Georgie Project.
We were supposed to leave for my Mom's in So. Cal. Wed. night for Thanksgiving, but you know what they say about the best laid plans. I wanted Hardee on antibiotics for at least 4 doses before we took him anywhere to help him be able to fight off any infection . We finally left for So Cal Friday morning, after HH's 4th dose. Remembering that it is about quality of life for our boy and also remembering how much he loves agility, we headed for the 3 day agility trial that we had planned. Since HH had already missed his turkey eating day, we gave him one of his faves, agility. Each morning we assess him to see if he feels up to running because it does not matter to us. We just want him happy, especially now.
Originally we thought we could, and would, kick this cancer's ass. We had a fabulous, new, expensive, state of the art radiation plan that would rid the tumor from our lives. It seemed impossible to me that this cancer could ever get the best of us, especially for a boy so young and so full of potential, who had parents that would do anything for him. It seems though, that this cancer is a formidable foe that is not easily conquered. It is getting the best of Hardee, and of us, as it seems we are dying right along with Hardee. We have a chemo consultation planned with one of the top doctors in the field of chemotherapy this Monday. Unless he can work a miracle for us, Hardee doesn't have much time left.
Chemo only has a slim possibility of working for a nasal tumor, and if it was going to work, it was supposed to work quickly to shrink the tumor. I watch Hardee constantly for signs that the tumor is shrinking. I watch his tear duct for signs that it is becoming less blocked by the tumor. I watch the nose bleeding for signs that it is getting lighter and less frequent. I watch how much he paws at his face and how much he drills his face into the carpet, in hope that it is less. For any of those signs, they are not less; in fact they are more frequent.
As heart breaking as it is for us to think about losing him, it is more heart breaking to watch as this cancer devours our boy and what Hardee has to endure. Soon, his quality of life will diminish enough that we can no longer have him suffer the pain, and we will have to make the most horrible decision of our lives. But, it is not about us. It has always been, and will continue to be, all about Hardee.
Today, I bought a new patriotic bandanna, with a pewter paw print accessory on it, for Hardee to wear to the Georgie Project.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Tues., Nov 23, 2010 - chemo effects
Well, we've had a rough spell with chemo for the last few days. Saturday, Hardee started to get sick, and by that night, had gone off all food and water. He couldn't rest or sleep, was anxious and moving around constantly, and drooling like crazy. He kept wanting outside to eat grass and pooped numerous times. We were up all night with him.
The next morning, Sunday, he started vomiting, just bile and grass because his stomach was empty. I called to the place where we got HH's chemo, and the intern who was on duty for the weekend tried to convince me that it was pancreatitis. I hung up confused that he didn't think this was the side effects from chemo. The day continued with Hardee drooling, vomiting, being horribly uncomfortable, wandering outside in the cold rain and winds with us following him trying to get him to drink, and all of us being so exhausted from lack of sleep.
I called back to the intern at 2:30 pm, and he had left for the day. I said to call him back in because I was bringing my dog in. Jim took Hardee to the hospital while I waited for the interns call. When he did call back, I told him I wanted some fluids in Hardee and a shot of an anti-nausea med. He complied and gave them subcutaneous, and also gave him a shot of Pepcid. Hours later, it still didn't seem to help Hardee, and by now bloody diarrhea had started. Hardee still wasn't eating or drinking. I tried to stay up all night, again, to be able to take Hardee out if needed, but I was so exhausted I fell asleep in the recliner. Hardee had a big explosion on the family room carpet.....poor boy. What a mess.
The next morning, Monday, I called and made an appointment with a holistic vet hoping to get some help for Hardee. Hardee ate about 5 small pieces of boiled chicken, took about 3 licks of water, and I got a pill in him with a small amount of peanut butter that morning. The bloody diarrhea continued while we waited for our appointment that afternoon.
The holistic vet appointment did not go as well as I had hoped. His schedule was way behind and we waited for awhile. He was a nice guy that talked constantly, and only wanted to talk about what he might be able to do for the tumor. When I could finally get a word in, our appointment time was up, and he had 2 patients waiting. I told him I would wait until he had a couple more minutes for us. We were there for 3 hours, and I didn't get much accomplished, but Hardee was starting to perk up. This vet seems to be willing to work with me about supplying me with fluids to give Hardee subcutaneously at home. We got a couple things that I don't know are working yet and didn't start until Monday night. Hardee had bloody diarrhea in their parking lot, but he had been holding it for hours while we waited. We barely made it out the door.
By the time we got home late afternoon, Hardee wanted to eat finally, for the first time in 2 days (except for those 5 small bites of chicken earlier). I rejoiced, while Hardee ate the rest of the chicken breast and a scrambled egg, but only drank a little. I put some kibble in his bowl but he turned his nose up at that, but I left it in his bowl in case he changed his mind. After he had more diarrhea, he crashed and slept hard for the first time in 2 days after his meal. I stayed up with him last night because of what had happened the night before. We were in and out all night, and Hardee finally did eat his kibble overnight.
Tonight, Tuesday night, Hardee is still not 100% but that will take a little time. He seems to be bouncing back quicker than I thought. I have him drinking some electrolyte replacement fluids, though he's not drinking as much as I would like. He's lost a couple pounds and is still very tired, but his appetite is back almost 100%. He got grilled salmon, a little rice and veggies for dinner and happily ate it. He still has bloody diarrhea, but hopefully we'll get that under control soon. His body temp is still very low, but I always keep him covered with a blanket.
Today I called to So Cal, where we had our radiation done, and made an appointment for a consultation with the other oncologist down there next Monday. I don't feel we are getting the best care for Hardee up here, and I'd like to consult with someone else about a plan. Yes, I know I'm getting desperate, but I truly feel that it is not Hardee's time to go yet and we are hoping for a few more months. Hardee has rallied, and it gives me hope. There were times these last days that I wondered, and we cried a lot about decisions made and those we have ahead of us. We wondered what we were doing to our boy. Our fight is back though, and we have the enemy to defeat.
We hope to get some joy back for the little moments that occur, but it is still all about Hardee.
The next morning, Sunday, he started vomiting, just bile and grass because his stomach was empty. I called to the place where we got HH's chemo, and the intern who was on duty for the weekend tried to convince me that it was pancreatitis. I hung up confused that he didn't think this was the side effects from chemo. The day continued with Hardee drooling, vomiting, being horribly uncomfortable, wandering outside in the cold rain and winds with us following him trying to get him to drink, and all of us being so exhausted from lack of sleep.
I called back to the intern at 2:30 pm, and he had left for the day. I said to call him back in because I was bringing my dog in. Jim took Hardee to the hospital while I waited for the interns call. When he did call back, I told him I wanted some fluids in Hardee and a shot of an anti-nausea med. He complied and gave them subcutaneous, and also gave him a shot of Pepcid. Hours later, it still didn't seem to help Hardee, and by now bloody diarrhea had started. Hardee still wasn't eating or drinking. I tried to stay up all night, again, to be able to take Hardee out if needed, but I was so exhausted I fell asleep in the recliner. Hardee had a big explosion on the family room carpet.....poor boy. What a mess.
The next morning, Monday, I called and made an appointment with a holistic vet hoping to get some help for Hardee. Hardee ate about 5 small pieces of boiled chicken, took about 3 licks of water, and I got a pill in him with a small amount of peanut butter that morning. The bloody diarrhea continued while we waited for our appointment that afternoon.
The holistic vet appointment did not go as well as I had hoped. His schedule was way behind and we waited for awhile. He was a nice guy that talked constantly, and only wanted to talk about what he might be able to do for the tumor. When I could finally get a word in, our appointment time was up, and he had 2 patients waiting. I told him I would wait until he had a couple more minutes for us. We were there for 3 hours, and I didn't get much accomplished, but Hardee was starting to perk up. This vet seems to be willing to work with me about supplying me with fluids to give Hardee subcutaneously at home. We got a couple things that I don't know are working yet and didn't start until Monday night. Hardee had bloody diarrhea in their parking lot, but he had been holding it for hours while we waited. We barely made it out the door.
By the time we got home late afternoon, Hardee wanted to eat finally, for the first time in 2 days (except for those 5 small bites of chicken earlier). I rejoiced, while Hardee ate the rest of the chicken breast and a scrambled egg, but only drank a little. I put some kibble in his bowl but he turned his nose up at that, but I left it in his bowl in case he changed his mind. After he had more diarrhea, he crashed and slept hard for the first time in 2 days after his meal. I stayed up with him last night because of what had happened the night before. We were in and out all night, and Hardee finally did eat his kibble overnight.
Tonight, Tuesday night, Hardee is still not 100% but that will take a little time. He seems to be bouncing back quicker than I thought. I have him drinking some electrolyte replacement fluids, though he's not drinking as much as I would like. He's lost a couple pounds and is still very tired, but his appetite is back almost 100%. He got grilled salmon, a little rice and veggies for dinner and happily ate it. He still has bloody diarrhea, but hopefully we'll get that under control soon. His body temp is still very low, but I always keep him covered with a blanket.
Today I called to So Cal, where we had our radiation done, and made an appointment for a consultation with the other oncologist down there next Monday. I don't feel we are getting the best care for Hardee up here, and I'd like to consult with someone else about a plan. Yes, I know I'm getting desperate, but I truly feel that it is not Hardee's time to go yet and we are hoping for a few more months. Hardee has rallied, and it gives me hope. There were times these last days that I wondered, and we cried a lot about decisions made and those we have ahead of us. We wondered what we were doing to our boy. Our fight is back though, and we have the enemy to defeat.
We hope to get some joy back for the little moments that occur, but it is still all about Hardee.
Friday, November 19, 2010
Fri., Nov 19, 2010 - still tired
Because HH is still tired, I tried to find something to do with him today that would bring him some joy that didn't require much energy expenditure. I took a lounge chair out back, and HH got in my lap and we snuggled. The sky was mostly overcast with peeks of sunshine, temps in the 60s, but windy. We have a storm moving in. I took a big beach towel out with me in case we got chilly.
We stayed outside for about an hour, with me petting him and talking to him. I told him the story, again, of the first time I ever laid eyes on him when we went to pick him up from his breeder at the Mission Circuit dog show, and how I fell instantly in love with him. It was the Thursday before Memorial Day, the day of the Southern California Portuguese Water Dog Club's Independent Specialty in late May 2005. Little did we know then what a big part that club would become in our lives as we ventured forward 3 years later into agility and water, Hardee's faves. That club and it's members taught us all things Portuguese Water Dog (PWD), namely Susan & John, who were big influences in HH's life.
As we laid there snuggling, I told HH about how he looked when we met him. HH was 10.5 weeks old, almost 11 weeks, when we picked him up and at 8 weeks, his breeder had shaved him down. He was this little naked, dark brown & white pup, and everyone thought he was a Springer Spaniel pup. He was wearing a red rolled leather collar and had a matching leash, which I still have. From that day forward, red became his color. Red just happens to be my favorite color also, so it was a match made in heaven. As a joke, HH's breeder later sent me some Springer Spaniel note cards. I'll finish the story of HH's first days with us later.
As I petted HH, I looked at him. Most of the hair that he lost from radiation has grown back. He still has a bald patch on the top of his nose that extends up between the eyes and slightly down the sides of the muzzle and towards his nose, but even that area has some very fine hairs in it trying to grow. Most of the hair has grown back white, instead of brown, but of the hair that has grown back brown, it is a much darker brown so he has some clear cut areas where the different colors meet but only if you look hard. I had him and I wrapped in a bright but deep, dark blue beach towel that looked gorgeous against his dark brown. For a moment I thought about changing his color to this blue, instead of red.
As I wrote earlier, HH is tired. He just got done drilling his face into the carpet again, showing me that the tumor is bothering him. He has been drinking a LOT of water but has been peeing it out also, unlike after radiation where his body utilized all the extra water he consumed. HH also has a odor coming from him that smells bad. Chemo odor? I don't know. He's never had doggy gas before and I don't think he does now. I think he has an upset tummy from the chemo, even on the anti-nausea med, and I think this smell is coming up from little burps that I cannot hear. He seems uncomfortable and moves around quite a bit trying to find a comfortable position. Also, he is constipated.....poor boy.
Hardee's cooler arrived from the Georgie Project today. It's the cooler that he will ride in to the University of Utah for his autopsy, when the time comes. I was almost sick to my stomach today when the doorbell rang because I knew what it was that UPS was leaving. I asked that they send it without a signature needed because I knew I wouldn't be able to face that delivery. It still sits at the front door. I'll have Jim put it in the shed when he comes home. Reality is trying to smack me in the face, but I won't have any part of it just yet. There are just some things that I am not ready for.
Tomorrow will bring another day with a joyful experience for my boy. I think we'll take him to Dairy Queen. We'll still try to find some joy in the moment, and it will always be all about Hardee.
We stayed outside for about an hour, with me petting him and talking to him. I told him the story, again, of the first time I ever laid eyes on him when we went to pick him up from his breeder at the Mission Circuit dog show, and how I fell instantly in love with him. It was the Thursday before Memorial Day, the day of the Southern California Portuguese Water Dog Club's Independent Specialty in late May 2005. Little did we know then what a big part that club would become in our lives as we ventured forward 3 years later into agility and water, Hardee's faves. That club and it's members taught us all things Portuguese Water Dog (PWD), namely Susan & John, who were big influences in HH's life.
As we laid there snuggling, I told HH about how he looked when we met him. HH was 10.5 weeks old, almost 11 weeks, when we picked him up and at 8 weeks, his breeder had shaved him down. He was this little naked, dark brown & white pup, and everyone thought he was a Springer Spaniel pup. He was wearing a red rolled leather collar and had a matching leash, which I still have. From that day forward, red became his color. Red just happens to be my favorite color also, so it was a match made in heaven. As a joke, HH's breeder later sent me some Springer Spaniel note cards. I'll finish the story of HH's first days with us later.
As I petted HH, I looked at him. Most of the hair that he lost from radiation has grown back. He still has a bald patch on the top of his nose that extends up between the eyes and slightly down the sides of the muzzle and towards his nose, but even that area has some very fine hairs in it trying to grow. Most of the hair has grown back white, instead of brown, but of the hair that has grown back brown, it is a much darker brown so he has some clear cut areas where the different colors meet but only if you look hard. I had him and I wrapped in a bright but deep, dark blue beach towel that looked gorgeous against his dark brown. For a moment I thought about changing his color to this blue, instead of red.
As I wrote earlier, HH is tired. He just got done drilling his face into the carpet again, showing me that the tumor is bothering him. He has been drinking a LOT of water but has been peeing it out also, unlike after radiation where his body utilized all the extra water he consumed. HH also has a odor coming from him that smells bad. Chemo odor? I don't know. He's never had doggy gas before and I don't think he does now. I think he has an upset tummy from the chemo, even on the anti-nausea med, and I think this smell is coming up from little burps that I cannot hear. He seems uncomfortable and moves around quite a bit trying to find a comfortable position. Also, he is constipated.....poor boy.
Hardee's cooler arrived from the Georgie Project today. It's the cooler that he will ride in to the University of Utah for his autopsy, when the time comes. I was almost sick to my stomach today when the doorbell rang because I knew what it was that UPS was leaving. I asked that they send it without a signature needed because I knew I wouldn't be able to face that delivery. It still sits at the front door. I'll have Jim put it in the shed when he comes home. Reality is trying to smack me in the face, but I won't have any part of it just yet. There are just some things that I am not ready for.
Tomorrow will bring another day with a joyful experience for my boy. I think we'll take him to Dairy Queen. We'll still try to find some joy in the moment, and it will always be all about Hardee.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Thurs., Nov. 18, 2010 - day after chemo
While Hardee sleeps, I write. HH looks so peaceful and healthy while he rests, and there lies the deceptive aspect of cancer. Our enemy lurks right under our noses (no pun intended), and he strikes with tenacity. This enemy is ferocious, and I scrambled yesterday trying to devise an alternate battle plan. This enemy of mine will NOT take my boy without more fight from me. Though, I fear my enemy is stronger than my plan of attack. Oh how I wish that pure love was enough to be victorious.
Today, HH is tired. He is resting up for his walk this afternoon with his most favorite of little people, Tally. They love each other so much and HH has known her since she was born. Tally is now 3 and old enough to walk the track, instead of being in her stroller. Hardee would diligently walk next to Tally's stroller almost daily when she was younger, guarding her as we walked. And by guarding her, I mean waiting for her to throw some of her snacks out onto the ground for him to get. It was a game they both enjoyed.
Yesterday was a long day. I took HH to the Oncologist at 8am, and we didn't get home until 5:30pm. The wait was agonizing for me, and I didn't get to see HH at all until he was discharged at 5pm. Besides being tired and his back leg swollen and red from the IV and chemo, I haven't seen any adverse signs from the chemo yet. HH gets an anti-nausea med each day for 5 days, and I have meds to fight diarrhea, if that happens. The only other medication that Hardee gets is Tramadol for pain. We'll start him on an anti-inflammatory soon, but we don't want to overwhelm his already taxed immune system just now. I've even stopped his Claritin for his allergies. He goes back in one week for more bloodwork to see how his organs are faring on the chemo.
Each day I will try to find something to do that brings HH some joy and I will try to find some joy in each moment with Hardee, but I find no joy in life. As long as there is breath left in me, it will always be all about Hardee.
Today, HH is tired. He is resting up for his walk this afternoon with his most favorite of little people, Tally. They love each other so much and HH has known her since she was born. Tally is now 3 and old enough to walk the track, instead of being in her stroller. Hardee would diligently walk next to Tally's stroller almost daily when she was younger, guarding her as we walked. And by guarding her, I mean waiting for her to throw some of her snacks out onto the ground for him to get. It was a game they both enjoyed.
Yesterday was a long day. I took HH to the Oncologist at 8am, and we didn't get home until 5:30pm. The wait was agonizing for me, and I didn't get to see HH at all until he was discharged at 5pm. Besides being tired and his back leg swollen and red from the IV and chemo, I haven't seen any adverse signs from the chemo yet. HH gets an anti-nausea med each day for 5 days, and I have meds to fight diarrhea, if that happens. The only other medication that Hardee gets is Tramadol for pain. We'll start him on an anti-inflammatory soon, but we don't want to overwhelm his already taxed immune system just now. I've even stopped his Claritin for his allergies. He goes back in one week for more bloodwork to see how his organs are faring on the chemo.
Each day I will try to find something to do that brings HH some joy and I will try to find some joy in each moment with Hardee, but I find no joy in life. As long as there is breath left in me, it will always be all about Hardee.
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