Mar 12, 2013 - Happy Birthday to our boy, Hardee

Dear Handsome Hardee (HH),

Happy, happy 8th birthday, our sweet boy. We still miss you terribly, and we think of you constantly though you've been gone from us for over 10 months now. We hope your first birthday at the Rainbow bridge was a happy one and that you celebrated with Viva and Jazz by running agility and that Jean was there to watch you run.

Fittingly today, your Lloyd D'Augusta STAR Lifetime Achievement Award trophy arrived that you just won. I wish you could see it. It is beautiful. We are so proud of you and all you accomplished in your short but fabulous life. You will always be amazing in our eyes.

I waffle back and forth, but for now, I am leaving your blog up about your cancer.  It has helped many people and their dogs who are fighting nasal cancer.  It's a little hard on me to constantly relive your cancer with others, but it is helping people who have no where to turn, like me when I was trying to figure everything out on my own.  When they contact me, I am happy to help, though it is through tears, still.  Currently, our thoughts are with Marla and her agility dog, Macy, who is fighting nasal cancer also.  Keep a watch for Macy to possibly join you soon and show her the agility fields when she arrives.  She'll like that, I'm sure.

Your brother, Lickety, turns 6 months old in 2 days, and he is a comfort to us, and we are grateful to have him.  We took him tracking today, and we know you would have loved to be there running through the fields after you had completed your track also, Bubs.  We bought Lickety something special today which we know you would love too.  Keep an eye on our new boy, HH, and guide him when you can.

Besides it being your birthday today, this week is especially hard on your Dad. It is the National Agility Championship (NAC), and once again, you and your Dad qualified for the NAC and are not able to attend. We're sure you're there in spirit though and rooting on all of your friends who are competing at the NAC.

Happy, heroic, handsome Hardee, we will love you and miss you forever.  Your absence from our lives is still strong.  In our hearts and in our minds, it is still all about joy and all about Hardee.  We know you won't mind that we love Lickety too.  Look for us, Bubs, and we will find you again.

Love,
Your Mama and Daddy

Thurs., Aug. 16th, 2012 - Without Our Boy

It has been 3 months and 8 days since we lost our boy, Hardee.  Life without him is very hard, still. 

I found out tonight that a photo I took of Hardee was selected for the Nutmeg Calendar.  It was bittersweet news.

We miss HH so much, and we long for joy in our lives again.  How we wish that joy could be Hardee.

Wed., June 6, 2012 - Handsome Hardee: 03-12-2005 - 05-08-2012

Over 4 weeks ago on Tuesday evening, May 8th, at 7:45 pm, our world came crashing down as we held our boy and felt his heart stop.  Our house is empty.  We are numb, and our hearts seem broken forever.  Hardee was our boy, our teammate, our sweet little Bubs, our purpose, our everything.  We were unashamedly head-over-heels in love with him, and we will miss him forever.

Hardee came to us at almost 11 weeks of age, the cutest little bundle of dark brown and white ever.  He stole our hearts instantly.  Some will say HH wasn't a real Portuguese Water Dog because he never counter surfed, never ruined anything that wasn't his, or never got into the trash.  We say he was perfect and good.  Our kitchen trashcan is only 19" tall, has no lid, and Hardee never got into the trash even when left to free range at 1.5 years old while I was working for 10.5 hours straight.  He truly was perfect.

Hardee was our first PWD, our first breed champion, our first performance dog.  In between Jim's deployments, he and Hardee trained agility to reestablish their bond.  At the age of 3, Hardee starting blossoming when he and Jim started competing in agility.  Jim and Hardee only had a couple agility trials under them when Jim deployed again.  While Jim was gone, Hardee and I competed in obedience, rally and water.  When Jim returned, he became our chief track-layer for tracking, and we both certified as Hardee's handler for his therapy work.

Hardee became our purpose and we tried to show him the best life possible.  Hardee loved to train and trial, with agility and water being his favorite venues.  His enthusiasm for life was undeniable.  Hardee rarely barked, but he could not control himself when it came to something he loved doing.  So, he barked while running agility.  He barked at the lake or pool while waiting for his bumper to be thrown.  He barked on the back of the boat, and he barked while giving chase, whether it be another dog he was playing with or chasing his ball to retrieve.  Hardee just loved life, and he made the most of it.

Hardee's purpose was many.  He became our teacher, and he taught by example.  He taught us all things PWD and introduced us to the strange but wonderful world of dog shows, dog trials, and dog sports.  He taught us the depth of a dog's world.  He taught us to appreciate the tiniest of accomplishments and to be happy throughout it all.  He taught us to live in the moment, and to realize what was truly important.  He taught us joy even when faced with overwhelming adversity.  He taught us to love life and to live life to the fullest even though that life may be short.  He taught us perseverance and to keep that fighting spirit until the end.  He taught us what a true hero is.

Hardee was a true water dog to the very end, and he had a fabulous last day.  He went for a long, slow ride with his Dad around our neighborhood, without his seat belt, going from window to window with his head hanging out.  He had delicious treats for lunch.  He swam, jumped, barked, and retrieved his favorite bumper in the pool that afternoon.  He came to life in the pool, and the cold water helped to slow the hemorrhaging making our decision that much harder.  He had his favorite dinner, burger and fries, and ice cream for dessert.  Special thanks goes out to our vet friend who came to our house that evening to help us release Hardee from his cancer. 

Many people have helped us along our journey with Hardee.  Thank you to you all.  Not only have you been a source of information and guidance for us, you have also supported us and lifted us up along the way.  Also, thank you to all who emailed, texted, tried to call, sent cards and flowers, generously donated money to the Portuguese Water Dog Foundation, sent condolences on Facebook, etc.  I will read and answer them all soon.  Thank you for your patience and understanding at this time.  Your thoughtfulness and generosity is greatly appreciated, and a testament to the wonderful people brought into our lives through our boy.

We loved Hardee deeply, and he is still ingrained in all we do.  We find ourselves still looking for him everywhere, thinking about his food and pill times, reaching for him in our sleep, waking and looking to check his nose right away, etc.  We find ourselves still spelling many words or using our shortened versions of words or using our hand signals for words, all because of our super smart boy who watched us like a hawk, listened to our every word, understood what we said, and I swear could read our minds.

Farewell and safe harbors, our sweet Bubs.  We will love you forever, and we long for the day when we will be together again.  Until then, swim, jump, retrieve, bark, and run all the agility you want at the Rainbow Bridge.  The yellow contact zone no longer matters there, so we know that will bring you even more joy.  May there be no tables in your agility field to slow you down.  Your nose is now healed so you can track once again.  I hope you find joy in following all the heavenly scents.  Look for us and we will find you again.


On winged paws, nasal cancer free, and still perfect - Happy, Heroic, Handsome Hardee

CH MACH2 Vindouro's Built To Withstand VCD2 RAE MXS MJC MXF T2B THD CWD GROM

The top picture was taken at Hardee's last agility trial a couple days before he passed.  The picture of Hardee jumping in the pool to retrieve his favorite bumper was taken only 3.5 hours before he left us for the Rainbow Bridge.

Wed., Apr. 18, 2012 - No more therapy visits

Hardee has been on his new antibiotics for one week now, and they are not working.  He smells worse than ever, though the drainage seems to be the same.  In talking to the vet today, she has stopped all of Hardee's therapy visits.  We don't know what bug we are dealing with, and until we can get it under control (if ever), we need to be careful who we let Hardee come in contact with if they have weakened immune systems.  With some of the patients that Hardee visits at the hospice facility having compromised immune systems and Hardee having a very compromised immune system, it is just too risky to continue visits according to the vet.

Though we haven't been to the hospice facility for 1.5 weeks now for visits because of how Hardee smells, we will miss it terribly.  I loved seeing the patients' and the staff's smiles light up when they saw Hardee.  I loved the way our own smiles would light up when we would arrive at the facility.  We will miss visiting with the patients and the people we worked with there.  We also had a special home hospice patient that we really enjoyed spending time with, and she just loves dogs and loves Hardee.  We will miss her also. 

Since Hardee himself is on home hospice, I thought the hospice facility was the perfect fit for Hardee's therapy work.  It is where we felt at home, and it gave us an opportunity to take our minds off our own troubles.  I am so grateful to Nancy at the hospice facility for giving us a chance to do therapy work there, even though she knew of Hardee's terminal cancer and the associated problems that came along with his condition.  Thank you, Nancy, for giving us this opportunity.  You are great, and we will miss you most.  Hardee loved pulling me to your office after our visits were finished to get his treat from you.

Hardee had a successful weekend in agility last weekend.  He loved being back and running again.  He can run again this weekend if he feels up to it.  As always, it is all about joy and all about Hardee.  You know we wouldn't have it any other way

Wed., Apr. 11, 2012 - Vet appointment

Today we had an appointment with the Air Force base vet for Hardee to get some new antibiotics.  The drainage and the smell coming from him is pretty bad.  We have tried almost every antibiotic available, and we are running out of options.  The 2 antibiotics decided upon today were his usual, Clindamycin, and the new one, Doxycycline.

If these antibiotics don't work to help control the smell coming from Hardee's mouth (where the tumor has busted through the hard palate), we will have to sedate him, get a sample of his nose drainage, and send it off for a culture and sensitivity.  The lab will grow what is in his nose and then test for what antibiotic works to kill/control it.  Hardee has been on so many antibiotics for so long, we hope there is an antibiotic left that works.  We could be dealing with a super bug.

Hardee is still bleeding off and on (mostly on).  To control his pain, he gets a pain pill every 4 hours with 2 at bedtime.  He's had quite a few reverse sneezing episodes lately that are coming more and more often.  He cannot settle when these are happening and has to wander, mostly outside.  These can go on for well over half an hour as we follow him around.  I have taken to giving him some Valium to help stop the episodes and help him settle down and sleep.

The vet today agreed with me that it is not his time to leave us.  She said that every time she has seen him, you would never even know anything was wrong with him.  If she didn't already know about his cancer and if she hadn't seen what she did inside his mouth today, she'd have a hard time believing that anything was wrong with him. 

Hardee looks great but is a couple pounds over this normal weight, though the vet thought he looked fine.  He weighed 50 lbs. today.  I thought his weight would come down once we got his thyroid medication at the right dose but that hasn't happened.  Could be because we give him whatever he wants because it just doesn't matter anymore.

We are going to SoCal for the first time in 5 weeks for an agility trial this weekend.  We are tired of waiting around for Hardee to leave us, and since he hasn't, we've decided to regain some normalcy to our lives and see if he feels up to running.  Every time we think the end is close, Hardee rebounds and decides to stick around.  We've promised he can run until the end, so if he wants, he can run.

We're still letting the handsome one dictate his path with us.  We'll keep him around as long as he wants to stay.  We still hope for clarity when the time comes to release him.  Until then, we'll make sure it is all about joy and all about Hardee.

Here's some photos of Hardee taken the beginning of March (one with Thompkin, his tortoise).  Wishing you all a great weekend!

Sun., April 1, 2012 - Happy April Fools Day

I have been away from social media for awhile and my main email is broken, so apologies to those who have tried to reach me that way.  If you really need to reach me, you'll have to call or text, or email me at my gmail account.  Privately, I'm hearing that I need to update the blog so people know how Hardee is doing.  I didn't mean to make others worry.  I just need some time away right now to spend with my boy.

Hardee continues to endure.  He still eats and drinks with gusto and has quality to his life.  He has been bleeding for a month now, except for almost a week reprieve about a week ago.  During that week he didn't really bleed, we started to build hope again that the Palladia that we had done in Jan. was somehow working.  But, the bleeding started again this past Wed. night, and by Friday, was back full force coming from both sides of his nose.  During the week that HH didn't bleed much, we took advantage and did many therapy visits.  We also took Hardee back to the park with his favorite little person where he followed her down each and every slide. 

The smell coming from Hardee's mouth has been back for numerous weeks now.  I've tried quite a few different antibiotics, and the ones that worked previously, don't work anymore.  Hardee has been on at least 2 different antibiotics, sometimes 3, since Dec.  I've added Clavamox into the mix to see what that does, but I think we'll be trying some antibiotics we haven't tried before.  It is always trial and error to see what antibiotics work for awhile, then we start over.

Between the drainage coming from Hardee's nose from the infections, and all the bleeding, I couldn't take his longer hair anymore so Thursday I chopped it all off.  I chopped all the hair from his head too, so he looks horrible!  They won't even recognize him at the hospice facility where he does therapy.  I barely recognize him!  When Hardee leaves us for the Rainbow Bridge, I wanted him to go with all his long handsome hair, but it really doesn't matter anymore.

Jim and Hardee missed not attending the National Agility Championship held in Reno, NV this weekend.  They've been invited 2 years in a row, but because of Hardee's cancer they have not been able to attend.  Hardee did break back into the "top 5" of Portuguese Water Dog in the nation for the Agility Invitational over a month ago.  Currently, Hardee is ranked #4.  We are still amazed at our fantastic working dog and his will to live while doing what he loves.

Though we wish it was an April Fools joke, we have formulated a plan for when it is time to release Hardee from his cancer with a vet friend.  She has been a huge help to us throughout Hardee's cancer, and I do not know what we would have done without her, especially lately.  She has our appreciation and our thanks.

Deservedly so, it is still all about joy and all about Hardee.  Somethings will never change.

Sun., Mar. 18, 2012 - Bleeding and hemorrhaging

As excited as I was 6 days ago to write that Hardee had turned 7 years old, he had been bleeding for over a week.  It has been 2 weeks now since the bleeding started, again, and the bleeding has gotten progressively worse.  Hardee has had numerous hemorrhages throughout this past week, despite the Yunnan Paiyao.  I can't say if the Yunnan Paiyao is working or not because we don't know what the bleeding would be like if I took HH off of this Chinese herb.

In between bleeding episodes, Hardee is still doing his therapy visits at the hospice facility, and on Friday, we had our first home visit at a hospice patients house.  Hardee visited with her for 1 hour and 15 minutes.  Then we went to the in-patient facility where we made our rounds.  HH is such a good boy, and everybody loves him.  In the words of my friend, what's not to love?

We are approaching the end of this fight for Hardee.  Though he eats and drinks with gusto, and is a happy boy still, the blood loss will win in the end.

We have fought so very hard these last 20 months, I hope I know when it is time to let go.  Please keep Hardee, and us, in your thoughts for peace and clarity.  Until then, we'll still make it all about joy and all about Hardee.  You know we wouldn't have it any other way.

Mon., Mar. 12, 2012 - Happy Birthday Hardee!!!

Today, our boy turned 7 years old.  We never thought we'd make it to this day, and we are so very grateful.

We had a birthday party for Hardee yesterday at an agility trial.  It was an absolutely wonderful day spent with great friends and great dogs.  I did not want it to end. 

The top photo is Hardee and two of his girls in their party attire (Kina, Hardee & Trixie).  The bottom photo is Hardee and his harem (Trixie, Kina, Hardee, Viva & Indy) waiting to be released to devour the plates of chicken on the grass in front of them.

Hardee is still bleeding so keep him in your thoughts please.  Here, it is still all about joy and all about Hardee.

Wed., Mar. 7, 2012 - Bleeding again

When I wrote the last blog entry, I must have jinxed myself.  Hardee's nose has been bleeding since Sunday night, off and on.  Today has been really bad with blood dripping and spewing everywhere when he sneezes.  Fortunately, the bleeding is painless for Hardee.  I wish I could say the same for us as this is all so hard sometimes.

Hardee continues to eat and drink with gusto (he just finished a big wedge of Colby cheese that Jim broke apart into small pieces for an afternoon snack) and he has quality to his life, so we don't think it is his time to leave us yet.  When the fistula opened in Hardee's mouth, I thought the parameters for determining when Hardee left us for the bridge had changed from bleeding and pain we couldn't control, to whether he continued to eat and drink and had life quality.  Now I think we are back to using the first set of parameters, with emphasis on bleeding we can't control.

A couple months ago, we went to a Chinese medicine store and bought some Yunnan Baiyao.  It is supposed to help control bleeding, though I don't know if it really works or not.  We haven't tried it yet, until this moment.  I've been nervous about trying it because of the contaminants in things coming from China, though I don't know if my worries should apply in this case.  We are getting desperate enough now to control this bleeding that I guess contaminants are the least of our worries.

We were in AZ last weekend for agility.  Jim and Hardee qualified in Time To Beat (T2B) all 4 days and got their T2B title on the first day of the trial.  They also double qualified 3 days out of 4.  Hardee still loves to run agility, and I think it keeps him going.

Only 5 days until Hardee's 7th birthday.  Keep you fingers and paws crossed that we make it until then.  As always, it is all about joy and all about Hardee.

Wed., Feb. 29, 2012 - Happy Leap Day!

What a special day!  Hardee has only seen one other leap day in his life.  Who knew that we'd see another with our special boy.  When we found that the tumor had broken through the roof of Hardee's mouth back in January, we weren't sure he would make it through to the end of that month, let alone still be with us a month later.  Hardee is quite the fighter, and he continues to amaze us with his resiliency.

The nose bleeds have almost stopped.  Once in a while Hardee will sneeze out a big clot and his nose will bleed for a short time after that, but we haven't had a bad bleed for almost 2 months.  The nasty nasal drainage is still there, despite numerous antibiotics, but that has been a constant in our lives for over a year now.  HH does have a bit of a smell again coming from his mouth, so maybe it is time for a new and different antibiotic.

Now for some amazing news.  I might be writing this prematurely and maybe I didn't get a good enough look inside Hardee's mouth, but the fistula (hole through his hard palate into his nasal cavity) seems to have filled in quite a bit, almost like the tumor is growing over the hole.  I can't explain it any other way.  We did do a month of Palladia (oral chemo pill) in January, so maybe it actually has helped somehow.  I have thought numerous times that the Palladia might have helped to shrink the tumors in Hardee's frontal sinuses (forehead) since we haven't had anymore bad bleeds since we started Palladia.

Another indicator that maybe the tumors in Hardee's forehead have shrunk is he doesn't whine anymore when we go through a couple mountain passes.  We have to go up in elevation a couple times as we travel back and forth to So. Cal.  Hardee had started whining again in January as we traveled through the passes, so we had laid off the agility trials in So. Cal.  Maybe it is the increase in pain pills or maybe the tumors have shrunk. We'll never know for sure because we won't do another CT scan on Hardee.  Maybe it is just wishful thinking on my part, but for sure, it is all just speculation.
 
The majority of the pink soft tissue is gone from the roof of Hardee's mouth (hard palate), especially on the right side where the tumor originated in Hardee's nasal passage.  You mostly see tumor when you look at his hard palate.  He doesn't chew much anymore, and if he tries to chew something, it is strictly on the left side.  Hardee still eats his dehydrated food, that I rehydrate with lots of water, with gusto, and as a typical PWD, is always starving.  I have backed off the pain pills just slightly, and he only gets one every 5 hours now, unless I see signs of pain.  If I see signs of pain before the 5 hour mark, I either shorten the duration between pills, or increase the dose to 1.5 pills.

Hardee still LOVES to run agility and has much joy in his life.  He is still demanding, always wanting his blankie tucked under his chin now, and just within the last month or so, demands that someone come over and pet him and rub his tummy when he gets up on the sofa.  Normally, we wouldn't put up with these types of shenanigans, but for quite some time now, Hardee gets whatever he wants.  Just the other day, I picked up his blankie that he wasn't using and covered up with it because I had a chill.  He wasn't happy that someone else was using his blankie and let me know about it.  I take all these spoiled rotten actions as an indicator that he is feeling okay.

Last year at this time, we never dreamed that Hardee would ever reach his 7th birthday, but in 12 days, we will celebrate like crazy.  We have been fighting like hell against this cancer for 19 full months now.  Hardee continues to live up to his name (Built To Withstand) and is indeed hardy.  He is the love of our lives.  He continues to endure for us, and we endure for him.

As always, it is all about joy and all about Hardee.  We celebrate him daily.

Thurs., Feb. 16, 2012 - New antibiotic

I'm late, as usual, but I hope everyone got to spend time with their loved ones at some point during Valentine's Day and that it was happy.

We celebrated our day by starting Hardee on a new antibiotic to see if we could get the bad smell coming from his mouth under control.  Previous to Tuesday, Hardee was on Baytril and Amoxicillin.  We added in the Amoxicillin almost 2 weeks ago, and it never seemed to make any difference in the smell.  In fact, the smell was getting worse.  On the advice of someone who emailed me, I researched Clindamycin and decided that would be a good antibiotic to try.  I talked to a Vet about it, and the script was called in.  By this morning (2 days later), the smell was so much better!  Thank you so much to the person who emailed me with the suggestion, and to my "go to Vet" who always finds the time to help me out!

Last weekend Hardee ran agility again.  Jim and HH got two double Qs and placed in the ribbons each time.  Hardee continues to love agility, and Jim continues to love to run with HH.

Though we wish like hell it wasn't, the cancer is progressing in Hardee's mouth.  He continues to eat and drink well, but doesn't really chew much anymore on his right side.  We have increased HH's pain pills and lessened the duration between doses, again.  Hardee still has a good quality of life though, and still lives with much joy.  We will continue to let HH dictate his path with us. 

As always, it is all about joy and all about Hardee.  Please keep him in your thoughts for pain free days.

Wed., Feb. 8, 2012 - Keep on keeping on

Hardee continues to endure. 

We got a look inside HH's mouth yesterday and the fistula is bigger since we first found it 2 weeks ago, but we expected it to continue to grow.  Hardee continues to eat and drink just fine, though a bit slower than previously.  We switched him over to a dehydrated food that I add water to so he can just lap it up with no chewing involved.  Jim cuts the dehydrated meat into small bits, and I crumble a hard boiled egg into his food with each meal for extra protein.  Still, the pieces are small enough that they require no chewing.

Hardee has been on the strong antibiotic, Baytril, for well over a month now, and we added another antibiotic, Amoxicillin, a week ago trying to clear up the smell coming from his mouth.  It hasn't helped, so I'm debating whether to discontinue the Amoxicillin for now.  HH is pretty stuffy and snotty right now, and all our dry desert air doesn't help him.

Last weekend we had the Southern California Portuguese Water Dog Club's agility trial that we attended.  Hardee ran and did well.  He qualified in 5 of his 6 runs, and the one run HH didn't qualify in was totally his handler's fault.  Hardee continues to love agility, and it brings us such joy to see him happy.  At the trial, we also got to visit with other club members that we don't see very often, so it was a very enjoyable weekend.

Currently, Hardee is in his recliner (the recliner used to be Jim's) grumbling and now barking at me to get up and tuck his blankie under his chin so he has something to prop his head upon.  HH is still very demanding, and we take that as a good sign of life.

As always, it is still all about joy and all about Hardee.  Keep your fingers and paws crossed for us that it continues this way for quite some time.

Tues., Jan. 31, 2010 - Status quo

Just a quick update since there have been inquiries about Hardee.  Everything is the same.  Handsome Hardee (HH) eats and drinks with gusto, lives with joy, and is getting lots of love from us.  There have been quite a few violent reverse sneezing episodes that have scared us, where HH can't catch his breath and he can't stop the reverse sneezing episode, but it eventually stops and things settle down.  We have increased his pain pills and lessened the duration between doses mostly because I fear his pain.  I want to make sure he is comfortable.

Last Friday when HH and Jim got their MACH2, we did not celebrate.  We waited for our friends to be there Saturday.  Jim and Hardee turned around and QQd (double qualified) again on Saturday so we could officially celebrate.  Jim and HH got to do their celebratory run around the ring with their big ribbon, and I took their picture with the judge.  What a wonderful day!

After the celebration in the ring, we had celebratory El Pollo Loco chicken, tortillas and salsa, and a huge chocolate MACH2 cake.  We ate the cake first, as all good celebrations do.  After we had our fill of chicken, we shredded the rest for the dogs.  We had the agility threesome (Hardee and our friend's 2 PWDs) in a sit stay on the grass with their plates of chicken in front of them.  They stayed while we took photos, with tons of drool coming from them, and then we released them to devour their chicken.

On Sunday, the celebration continued with In-n-Out double-double burgers for all.  We ate our burgers first, then the dogs got theirs.  Again, we had them waiting in the grass on a down stay this time with their burgers right in front of them while we took pictures, and then we released them to eat theirs.  I took photos while they ate.  Indy finished first with just a piece of lettuce left while Hardee still had his whole burger in his mouth.  Viva finished second, while HH brought up the rear in the burger finishing department.  I've got a couple pictures where HH was eyeing Viva's burger though before they ate.  What fun we have with our dogs!

Yesterday when we finally got home, Hardee was tired.  That is standard for him after a weekend of agility, but today, he's had two barking zoomies so far and he's brought us stuffies to play with him.  Doesn't seem like a dog on his deathbed just yet!  He's amazed us many, many times before, so we'll let him dictate his path with us.

Tomorrow, it will be exactly 18 months ago that I found the nasty discharge coming from Hardee's nose that drove us to the vets the next morning and the horrible diagnosis the following week.  We will always wish for more time with our little Bubs, but we are grateful for every extra second we spend together.

Things haven't ever changed with us.  It is still all about joy, and all about Hardee.  We continue to celebrate his life!

P.S.- I just learned that you can post videos here, so I've included Hardee's runs from his MACH2 celebration day.  The top 2 videos are his Jumps With Weaves run, and his Standard run.  The bottom video is his celebratory run.  He is slower now, but he still runs with joy!

Wed., Jan. 25, 2012 - The last 4 weeks

When I left off last, I was scared to start the Palladia on Hardee, but he seemed to handle it okay.  The only side effect was diarrhea.  We didn't know if the diarrhea was associated with the Palladia or the strong antibiotic, Baytril, that Hardee was taking.  We treated for the diarrhea and got a handle on it quickly every time it reared it's ugly head.

Two weeks into the Palladia, I had to take Hardee into the vets for blood work.  This worried me so because of what happened the last time we had Hardee at the vets.  I scheduled the appointment with the Air Force base vet, and they gave us the last appointment of the morning.  Before we left for the appointment, I gave Hardee 1.5 valium and hoped for the best.  I didn't bring HH inside until they were ready for him, and I brought LOTS of treats with me.  Everyone greeted HH and gave him treats, trying to make it a pleasant experience.  When I saw Hardee getting stressed, I started working him right away.  We heeled around the waiting area, did finishes and arounds, stands, downs, backs....what ever I could do to keep him engaged and focused on me.  The blood draw went well, after they finally found a vein, and I breathed a big sigh a relief.

At first I didn't think the Palladia was working because we were still having nose bleeds.  Then, the bleeds stopped, and I started to have hope, again, that our boy might be with us longer than we expected.  There was also less drainage from his nose, but I didn't know if that was the Palladia working on the tumors, or the stronger antibiotic working on any infection up in there.  Either way, Jim and I were ecstatic!

These next paragraphs will be the hardest words I have ever written, so bear with me.  Our elation didn't last long.

Almost 2 weeks ago, I started smelling a bad smell coming from Hardee.  At first Jim could not smell it, and I had a hard time convincing him that something was not right.  I could not tell if the smell was coming from HH's nose or his mouth, but I thought I smelled it more when his mouth was open.  A couple days later, Jim could finally smell what I was smelling.  I thought it might be a little infectious smelling, so I tried a different antibiotic.  With nasal cancer, you always have numerous different antibiotics around, and Hardee has been on antibiotics continuously for almost a year and we have to switch antibiotics frequently to find one that works for a while.  Different antibiotics did not diminish the smell, but Hardee was eating and drinking normally, and running agility with his usual joy.

I'm on a nasal cancer forum, and some of the stuff I read on there is so horrible that I don't tell Jim about it.  I did not tell Jim what I suspected was the smell, but I went back and reread some things on the forum.  I needed to get a look inside Hardee mouth, but he is so leery of having things done to him now that I cannot force the issue.  I raised Hardee's lips numerous times and didn't see anything around the outside of his teeth or gums, but he wouldn't let me look inside.  I tried to catch him yawning but had no luck. 

I called down to Hardee's new oncologist to talk to her about the smell.  She thought it was infection and started HH back on a stronger antibiotic.  I asked her that if the Palladia was working to kill the tumors, could that have a bad smell associated with it?  She wasn't sure.  Then I asked her the most horrible question that I had read about on my nasal cancer forum.....could the tumor have broken through the roof of Hardee's mouth?  She thought that it could be possible but didn't think it probable based on Hardee's latest CT scan only about 3 weeks earlier.  Somehow, I knew that it had though.

I thought about everything for a couple of hours, but I had to know what was going on in Hardee's mouth.  I gave Hardee some valium, and I had Jim take Hardee's grooming table outside where the sunlight would help me.  We got out his nail grinder which always makes HH anxious and causes him to yawn, and then we waited for the right opportunity to see the roof of his mouth.  What we saw crushed us to the core.  Not only had the tumor broken through a huge area in his hard palate, there was a fistula (hole) going through into his nasal cavity.  We loved and hugged on Hardee, and cried.  Then I went in to call Hardee's oncologist.

The oncologist said there is nothing more that we can do.  I asked if this means that we have to release Hardee to the bridge tomorrow, and he said no, that if Hardee is eating and drinking normally and has quality to his life, then it is not Hardee's time to leave us yet.  He said to let Hardee do what ever he wants, let him run agility, and when Hardee's quality of life starts to fade, then we'll know it is time.

We came down to SoCal and the agility trial we had planned this weekend knowing that we might have to release Hardee from all this horribleness at any time.  Jim and Hardee only needed one more QQ (double qualifying score) for their MACH 2 (Master Agility Champion, twice over), and as nice as that accomplishment would be, the only thing that matters now is what brings Hardee joy and letting him do what he loves. 

Hardee had a very bad night last night, but this morning he wanted to run.  Today Jim and Hardee completed their MACH2 with another QQQ.  As thrilled as we were, it was bittersweet also, and there were many tears.  Words cannot express how proud I am of Hardee and Jim. 

We have always strived to give Hardee the best life possible.  We will continue on that path with the added bonus of giving Hardee forbidden things to eat and letting him do whatever he wants until his time with us comes to an end.  This afternoon he took his pills with Nutella and got a couple peanut M&Ms.  Tonight he celebrates his MACH2 with a double-double In-n-Out burger, his favorite!

Knowing that the day the tumor would get the best of us was coming, does not make it easier to accept.  We were not prepared for what we saw inside Hardee's mouth.  How he continues to endure has us amazed.  We'd like to think that his love of life with us, and our love for him, is what keeps us all going.

Thank you all for your support along this journey.  I know I'm asking again, but please keep us all in your thoughts as we proceed forward, hour by hour, or possibly, day by day (he's surprised us before), for pain free time filled with joy and love for our little boy, and clarity for us to know when it is time to let go.

Until that very last second, it is, and always will be, all about Hardee.

Thurs., Dec. 29, 2011 - Different game plan...still fighting

First, let me thank those who offered good thoughts or prayers for Hardee's nose bleed to stop on Tuesday.  The bleed stopped quickly, and we haven't had anymore blood since then.  We delayed our agility trip plans by a day to make sure, and the clot even held during Hardee's weekly bath.

Since I wrote last, I still had not called and discussed things with the oncologist that did Hardee's scan last week.  It was Christmas, and we just didn't want to have to talk about cancer for a couple days.  Sometimes, it is just nice to try and pretend that things aren't the way they really are (as best you can), to escape reality, and take a couple days off.  Since we were going to be in SoCal anyway this week, I called and scheduled an appointment so we could talk face to face with the oncologist instead of over the phone.  Of course, Hardee was going to wait in the car instead of going inside after what happened last week.

When we got to our appointment and found out the oncologist that had done Hardee's scan didn't come in to that office as planned that day, I was pretty upset.  There was another oncologist there that we could see, but the thought of starting fresh with another oncologist after a year and a half was almost unthinkable to me.  It turned out to be the best thing ever, and I really liked her!!!  She had some fresh ideas and a different perspective, and was very willing to work within our parameters.  Also, before Dr T saw us, she called down to the Carlsbad office to consult with Dr P and Dr O about Hardee's case.  Dr T is only at the Ontario office 2 days per week, but if we can work it out, we will only try and schedule with her from now on.

Dr T accepted our decision to not pursue further radiation on the new tumors.  Yes, new tumors, as the radiologist report stated that the cancer had spread to both frontal sinuses in HH's forehead, instead of just the left frontal sinus that we saw on the scan from last week.  Dr T talked to us about a newer chemo pill that we can give at home called Palladia.  Palladia has only been out for about 2 years and has been used for Mast Cell Tumor cancers, but there is a new study starting up at Washington State that is trying it on nasal carcinomas.  Though Hardee fits all the criteria for the study for the free expensive meds, check-ups, and CT scans, we cannot travel to Washington and be there long term. 

Though the research I've read on Palladia isn't good, we are trying it anyway.  We are on last ditch efforts here.  The efficacy of Palladia is only about 40% and of the 40% whose tumors did shrink, it was short lived (3 months) and then the tumors grew right back.  Palladia also has a very high percentage of nasty side effects.  Hardee will start the Palladia this Monday, Jan. 2, 2012 and will get it every Mon., Wed., and Fri.  We are giving him a low dose (50 mg) instead of the 80 mg recommended (hopefully it is enough to help), and we can stop the drug at any time.

Dr. T started Hardee on a stronger antibiotic to see if it helps control some of the drainage coming from his nose.  We also talked to her about a sedative to give Hardee when we have to bring him back in for blood work in 2 weeks.  The sedative, Acepromazine, does nothing for Hardee, so Dr T wrote a script for Valium.  I hope it works!  We also got a script for Gabepentin (Neurontin) to see if that helps control his pain, along with the Tramadol.  HH rubs his face and head on anything he can, and he bats at it with his front legs/paws.  I fear his pain, but Dr T doesn't think he is in horrible pain, though she does agree that it has to bother him quite a bit.  Since the nose is so innervated, we are trying the "nerve drug" Neurontin to see if it helps.


Well, here it is Jan. 21, 2012.  It's been 3.5 weeks since I started this post.  So much for my new year's resolution to stop procrastinating.  A busy life out having fun with the little Bubs keeps getting in the way.  At least it is still all about joy and all about Hardee!


I'll write an update soon about the last 3.5 weeks, hopefully......

Tues., Dec. 20, 2011 - Bleeding from the "good" side of his nose and another CT scan

This will be a hard update for me to write.  So much has happened in a little over a week, and Hardee has suffered some trauma that is unforgivable, and I have no one to blame but myself.  You will judge me harshly, but I am writing this all down in hopes it will help someone else like me who has never experienced anything like this before.  I hope no dog has to endure what Hardee did on Monday.  And the long story begins.

Over a week ago, Hardee started bleeding from the nose.  What worried me about this bleed was it was unprovoked.  There is usually a catalyst that sets off a bleed (a biopsy, vet treatments that caused his blood pressure to rise, chasing his ball too much, etc.), but there was none this time.  HH was just sitting on the kitchen floor one morning with blood dripping out of his nose onto the floor.  When we thought the bleeding was under control, HH would sneeze again, blowing out a clot, and we'd start all over again.  Something else to worry about was the fact that the blood was coming from the "good" side of his nose.  We have never had blood from that side of his nose before, though just recently we got a little mucoid drainage from there.  Within hours, the blood was coming from both sides of his nose. 

By Thursday afternoon, the bleeding had stopped, or so we thought.  There was only old blood when he sneezed.  Hardee and I went ahead to an interview we had scheduled at a hospice facility to start up his therapy dog work again that we had stopped sometime during his cancer treatments.  All went well with no blood and everybody loved him, but he started reverse sneezing quite a bit.  He got into a pattern of reverse sneezing that he couldn't stop when we were leaving the facility.  Reverse sneezing is a bad sign and one that had disappeared for a year after we did radiation.  I was getting more scared.

Since the bleeding had stopped for a while, we thought it safe to head for our 3 day agility trial that we had scheduled in SoCal.  Instead of leaving Thursday afternoon for the trial, we didn't leave until very, very early Friday morning to make sure things were okay.  Hardee ran great in both of his runs and got a double qualifying score with great times.  After we got checked into the hotel, Hardee's nose started bleeding again, off and on, mainly when he sneezed, and mostly it was old blood.  Good thing we packed our hydrogen peroxide and carpet cleaner sprays.  We also packed flannel sheets to cover the floor carpeting in case of bleeding, and we have always packed flannel sheets that we cover the hotel bedding with. (For those on facebook, think about the post this afternoon about things to worry about from emails this year.  Those who know me well will know of my germ phobia and how hotel rooms freak me out.  The first thing off the bed is the bedspread, then the blanket is folded down with the sheet over it so I don't have to touch it, then everything is covered with our thick flannel sheets.)  Who knew that my germ phobia would also be helpful for bleeding protection?

On Saturday morning, Jim was leaving for the trial to go scratch Hardee and pack up our set-up when Hardee jumped up and wanted to go with him.  Because right then HH wasn't bleeding, we let him go, and Jim was going to play it by how the bleeding looked if it started again.  Please keep in mind that we promised Hardee, through an animal communicator, that he could run agility until the end in exchange for letting us put him through all the radiation and chemo.  Hardee ran great in all three of his runs, with great times, so a triple Q.  His bleeding was on and off, so I called to see if we could get in to see one of his oncologists on Monday since we were already in SoCal.  The bleeding was mostly gone on Sunday, and once again, Hardee ran great and double qualified.  He has never had that great of an agility weekend before, qualifying in all 7 of his runs.

Hardee's cancer is very deceiving.  The bleeding is painless, though the tumor growth must bother him, and I keep him on pain pills constantly.  Hardee's oncologists say he probably doesn't need the pain pills, but I fear his pain so I give them anyway.  Jim got many compliments on Hardee's great weekend and many "he sure doesn't look sick" comments.  Jim explained, again, that he is not sick, that he has cancer and is dying, but he is not sick.  In our book, there is a big difference.  For those that saw the videos of his Sunday runs on facebook, you'll understand.  A sick dog wouldn't run and bark like that.

Monday, our appointment was at 11:15 with the oncologist.  A CT scan was recommended, as were chest radiographs.  Hardee was taken in back for his exam and to have his radiographs done.  Everything was fine with HH then, and his lungs were clear.  I usually "treat" him after any vet procedure or send treats back with the technicians when he was getting chemo, but he couldn't have treats this time because of the anesthesia for the CT scan upcoming.  Hardee is very smart and figured out quickly that no treats meant more procedures.

Hardee was taken in back again and given a shot of an anti-emetic because we had fed him breakfast.  When he came back out and I couldn't give him any treats still, I could tell he was getting anxious about more procedures.  He wouldn't sit or lay down or relax.  It was like he didn't hear me or just couldn't oblige, and he was panting.  I tried ear rubs and other calming techniques, but nothing was working.  It had been 4 hours now, and we kept walking him outside for air to see if that would relax him more.  When we came back inside he bit at his leash, twice.  I had never seen this behavior before.  I was just going to ask to see if there was sedative that we could give him when they finally called for us.  I tried to warn the technician that he was getting very anxious and he was biting at his leash.  She said, that no, he is fine and assured us that he had been fine when she had him in the back twice earlier.

This next part will be very hard for me to write.  Hardee has been through so much, and it is one of the reasons we stopped chemo because Hardee couldn't handle it anymore, both physically and mentally.  I am to blame, but I write it in hopes that others will recognize earlier that their dog is being pushed over the edge of coping and that their dog might need a sedative to help them cope regardless of what the technician says.
 
The tech took him in the back, and I was almost sick to my stomach to see him walk away so scared.  Jim and I went to the car to sit and wait.  A couple minutes later the tech was back saying that Hardee had lunged at them and tried to bite them when they went to pick him up and put him on the table, that they couldn't get control of him to get a muzzle on him, and that he was biting desperately at his leash.  They took us in the back to put a muzzle on him.  I tried to calm him to no avail, and he lunged at me to attack the muzzle I had in my hand getting my hand/finger in the process of biting the muzzle.  They put us in a room thinking it would calm him down, and they went to get a basket muzzle.  I tried to get that on him, but he attacked that too.  He was biting at anything he could, except us, to get out of the situation.  He was out of control, and I was petrified for him.  Now his nose was really bleeding, and I didn't know what to do.

The tech wanted to get a sedative into him now.  I asked how she was going to do that, and she said that I didn't want to know.  I forced the issue, and she said that it involved the rabies pole and that she wouldn't tell me more.  I sobbed as she led him away and sobbed as Jim and I discussed whether Hardee would be better served if we released him from all this horribleness now.  We just couldn't send HH to the bridge without us being there to comfort him and tell him we loved him, and we couldn't be with him in his state of mind.  We couldn't bear our last memory of him, or his last memory of us, to be like that.  The tech assured us that we shouldn't even be considering putting him down and that he would be okay once he was out of that setting and that it was just fear aggression.  It was a long, horrible wait to see if our boy was going to be okay, and if he would be able to be the boy we knew after what we had put him through.  Even on our drive home, we wondered if we would have to release him to the bridge when we got home. 

They woke him up quickly after his CT scan and brought him to us on a rolling table with a cone around his neck in case he tried to bite them.  As I reached to scratch him under his jaw and on his neck, he was all wet in those areas.  I asked why he was wet and if it was drool because of his earlier emotional state.  They said he wasn't wet and that they didn't know.  Both sides of his nose were bleeding, and as I went to take the cone off of him to load him into his crate, I could smell vomit on my hand.  They denied adamantly that he had vomited with them.  I could no longer argue with them and wondered what hell he had endured in the back.  I just wanted my boy so we could start our long drive home because now it was late.  Hardee's nose bleed had stopped by the time we got home late Monday night.  His emotional state was back to normal also.  Once he was awake from anesthesia and back in the car, he started coming back to his normal self.
 
The results of the scan were not good.  The tumor has extensively progressed into the left nasal passage from where it had originated in the right, but even more devastating is that it has spread up into his left frontal sinus in his forehead almost completely blocking his entire sinus, thus the nose bleeds on his "good" side.  It has only been 5.5 months since we stopped chemo and I was caught off guard how quickly the tumor had progressed and where.  The oncologist thought it was fluid up in his frontal sinus, but I knew it was tumor and the radiologist confirmed my position.

The oncologist recommended palliative radiation on the new tumor in HH's forehead.  That is 5 days straight of general anesthesia and radiation.  We cannot do that to Hardee, again.  We have all reached our saturation point of what we can endure, and I cannot endure seeing Hardee pushed to that state again, day after day.  We feel we have done all that love can do, and all that love can endure.  We will spend the rest of his days trying to regain Hardee's trust and begging for his forgiveness.  When the time comes to release him to the bridge, we will look for an alternative other than taking him into a vet.

Our plan is to start Hardee back on the peroxicam and cyclophosphamide pills that we can give him at home.  The problem with that plan is that he would need to get blood drawn every 3 weeks to check his kidney values.  I plan to speak to the military vet here at Nellis AFB about some Valium that we can give HH at home before we come in for blood draws.  I have to take him for blood draws regardless of whether we start those anti-cancer/chemo pills or not because we are trying to get his thyroid meds regulated that he just started.  I thought Hardee was putting on weight because Jim had hurt his knee and they hadn't been running agility, but no, it was his thyroid being very low (chemo related?).  If he gets too stressed for blood draws after we get his thyroid levels regulated, then we will quit the peroxicam and cyclophosphamide so he no longer needs to go into a vet.

The rest of our plan is to let Hardee continue his favorite sport, when he can, which is running agility, until it is time to release him from this cancer.  The bleeding or his pain that I cannot get under control will dictate when that happens.  The rest of the time he will be doing therapy work at a hospice facility, which I thought was very fitting.  We had abandoned his therapy work along the cancer fighting path somewhere, and I got an email recently stating that a hospice facility was looking for therapy dogs.  Hardee and I have both passed our interview, and I have passed the background check.  We hope to start this weekend, if Hardee is up to it, but it might be after the new year.

I know some will judge harshly our plan, what we have done treatment-wise in the past, that we still let HH compete, what we let Hardee endure on Monday, my ability to judge Hardee's state of mind Monday, etc., but we are already racked with guilt over Monday, so no need to beat us up further.  As far as everything else, dog people can be some of the nicest people ever, but also some of the most judgemental and cruelest.  Some think they know best and have not been shy to tell us.  I would ask that you please keep it to yourself.  Truly, we are doing the best we can with what we know.  I hate that we had to learn most of it at Hardee's expense, but when you know better, you do better.  As far as letting HH still compete, his is an incurable cancer.  He is terminal.  Why not let him have quality of life until the end?  He is not sick; he is dying, and he wants to live what life he has left with joy.  I hope you all understand. 

I realize, now, that when I write in a public forum, people expect to be able to respond, but I write in a public forum so that maybe people can learn from what we have been through.  Maybe someone will recognize the signs and symptoms of nasal cancer earlier for their animal and be able to save them or extend their life out further than we got with Hardee's.  Maybe this blog can act as a resource to guide others through what we have been through.  At the very least, it is a written memory for me of our fight like hell against this horrible disease.  We love our boy so much and hope somehow his fight to live helps someone else.

We don't know how much time we have left with Hardee, but I think you know by now that we will be out having fun until the end.  It is and always will be, for as long as possible, all about joy and all about Hardee.  You know we wouldn't have it any other way.

Thank you to all who have loved and supported us along our journey.  We especially appreciate your love of Hardee.  You have kept us going when our spirits have waned, and you have picked us up when we have stumbled.  From the bottom of our hearts, thank you.  Please keep us in your thoughts for peace and clarity when the time comes to release our beloved boy.

Wed., Dec. 7, 2011 - National Agility Championships

Our fabulous boy did it, again, this year and qualifed for the National Agility Championships.  Jim and Hardee have never participated before because the Nationals have been held too far away, but this year they are being held in Reno, NV, March 30 - April 1, 2012, only about 425 miles away.  The date is too far away to plan on attending because of Hardee's health, but we still hope and dream of the possibility. 

Participation in the Nationals or not, it does not diminish our pride in Hardee and all that he has accomplished in spite of his nasal cancer.  Throughout Hardee's cancer, he has shown us his fighting spirit, his will to live, and his love for life.  We are proud of Hardee not only for what he has accomplished, but mostly we are proud of who he is.  He is a fabulous boy dog, who brings so much joy to all.

We dream of many more weeks or months with our special guy.  While we dream, we'll ensure it is all about joy and all about Hardee.

Wed., Nov. 23, 2011 - Lymph node swelling and an update

I have been horrible lately about keeping the blog updated, so I'll try to catch everyone up on what has been happening with Handsome Hardee.  HH is good now, but we had a scare last month.

Hardee had been having a hard time with drainage from the tumor in his nose going down the back of his throat and swallowing and gagging a lot, or so I thought.  I was doing some research on the computer when I read, again, about the most common areas for his cancer to metastasize to (lymph nodes and lungs), when all of a sudden I wondered if the gagging and swallowing was associated with swollen lymph nodes.  I went and felt Hardee's lymph nodes, and sure enough, they were swollen.  I was terrified.

I made an appointment with a local Vet friend to aspirate HH's nodes the next day, and then the wait began for the results from cytology.  I had the Vet sedate Hardee for the aspiration, trying to bring HH's anxiety levels down about the procedure so that he wouldn't start a bad nose bleed, again, which is so hard for us to get under control.  Well, Hardee had a bad reaction to the sedative, and it was a long, horrible night with many complications, and a couple times I was very scared about losing him.  We made it through the night, and Hardee was on the mend later that next day.  Luckily, the cytology results came back that his swollen lymph nodes were just an infection, so we started Hardee on a high dose antibiotic for 2 weeks.  He is doing great currently.

The gagging Hardee does has been increasing lately, so I am suspicious that the tumor is starting to grow down the back of his throat.  We are trying to decide whether to CT scan again.  Hardee has already had 8 CT scans, which is a huge number of scans to have for one little body.  The CT scan would give us knowledge, but it wouldn't change his treatment plan, which is nothing currently.  We can't do radiation again, and I don't want to restart chemo with him.  Hardee's body just couldn't handle anymore chemo, which is why we stopped.  Also, with Jim out of work for over 2 months now, that is money that I can use towards more joy for Hardee, like agility runs, etc.  So, we're still undecided about another CT scan.

Every day is a day for gratitude, but especially this time of year.  On Nov. 11, I couldn't help but think back to last year on this date.  Hardee had started a bad nose bleed the night before, while we were giving him a bath to get ready for an agility trial, that continued for 5 days.  We were scared then that we were going to lose him because we couldn't get the bad bleed under control.  Just a week prior, we had received the news, through another CT scan, that radiation had not done all that we had hoped it would, and we were considering starting chemotherapy on Hardee.  Five days later the bleeding finally stopped, thank goodness, and we started chemo 2 days later.  Then, we were hoping that Hardee would stay with us through Christmas, but we had our serious doubts.

Now it is one year later, and our boy is still with us, and we are so grateful.  I have no doubt that if we hadn't started chemo, Hardee would not be here with us now.  There were a few hard times during chemo for Hardee but they were short lived, and the benefit of having our boy with us today far outweighs those few bad times.  For those of you who think chemo is cruel to dogs, I hope you reconsider your stance.  Not for Hardee or for us because we don't care what you think, but reconsider for your own dog should that day arise.  We won't judge you if you decide against chemo though and know that you will make the right choice for yourselves, whatever that choice may be.

Through all the trials and tribulations that this year has brought, we are very blessed.  Our boy is still here with us and still lives with joy.  HH runs his heart out on the agility field, though he is slower than before, and he still loves to swim.  As long as Hardee continues to have joy in his life, we are happy and won't have to make any horrible decisions.  We are blessed to have good friends and good Vets in our lives that have supported us through Hardee's cancer.  They have rejoiced with us when Hardee has rallied and fought back to live.  They have cheered with us when Hardee has excelled in his performance life, and they have comforted us when Hardee has gone through bad periods.  Life is good, and good friends are part of the reason.  Thank you, friends.

I hope you all have a great Thanksgiving.  Take some time to remind yourselves what you are grateful for in your lives.  Here, it is all about joy and all about Hardee.  You know we wouldn't have it any other way.

Tues., Oct. 11, 2011 - Courier Water Dog

When I updated Hardee's blog last, we were leaving for Arizona for some more water work for Hardee, a practice day and a water match.  That weekend trip to Arizona turned into a much longer trip than we planned.  We were gone and on the road for 2 weeks, and are glad to be home. 

Because Hardee did so well in AZ, we decided to try to enter the Texas water trial the next weekend.  After confirming there were still openings in that trial, we started the long drive to Texas (almost 1400 miles).  We had plenty of time on our hands since Jim was laid off of his job.  We had some health issues with Hardee on our trip, but he seemed better a few days later so we decided to let him compete.  We got to TX with a couple days to spare before their trial which gave Hardee plenty of time to rest.

Hardee was the first dog in the line up to compete for Courier on Saturday.  The first exercise is the courier pouch exchange.  He has to jump off my boat, turn and take the courier pouch in his mouth, swim to the other boat where Jim is and deliver the pouch to Jim, then take another courier pouch in his mouth and swim it back to me on my boat.  Once I got him off my boat (he no longer likes to jump off the boat or he just likes to hear himself bark and bark until he is ready to jump off) and directed towards the other boat, he was good.  All deliveries are to hand.

His second exercise is the blind retrieve of his float line from shore.  He has to jump off my boat, swim to shore, retrieve his float line, and swim it back to me on the boat.  Once I got him to jump off the boat, he swam directly to shore, located his float line, shook some water off, picked up his float line and swam it back to me on the boat and delivered it to hand.  What a good boy!

His third exercise is the double directed retrieve.  Jim has 2 matching bumpers on his boat that he has to throw out into the water, one towards shore and the other towards sea.  The judge determines which bumper he has to retrieve first, which in this case was the shore bumper.  Hardee has to jump off my boat, swim and retrieve the shore bumper first, swim it back to me and put it in my hand, then without boarding the boat, swim out and collect the sea bumper and swim it back to me, delivering it to hand again.  I had a harder time getting Hardee to jump off the boat for this exercise, but once he was off, he was perfect.

The fourth exercise is the fishing net pull.  Hardee has to jump off my boat, swim to Jim's boat, take delivery of the fishing net in the water, and pull it back to me on my boat.  This is the exercise that tires Hardee out the most.  Hardee's cancer and his heart weakened by the chemo have not helped him in this exercise.  Hardee did pull it all the way to me without letting go of the end of the net though.  Good boy Hardee!

The fifth and final exercise is the buoy ball drop.  Hardee has to jump off my boat, take his buoy ball from me in his mouth, turn and swim out past the marker at least 10 feet and drop it in a certain area.  When he turned away from me, right after he jumped off the boat and took his buoy ball, I told him to go "touch marker."  He swam straight to the marker, pushing it over as he went past (his "touch marker") and went straight out from there.  When he is at least 10 feet past the marker and within the drop zone, the judge raises her arm up.  I continued to send Hardee out much further out than 10 feet because sometimes he has a hard time letting go of the buoy ball rope to "drop it."  Because he turns before he drops the buoy ball, he is swimming into the current which pushes the rope of the buoy ball back into his mouth.  He can't just drop it.  He has to spit it out.  I sent Hardee out about 25 feet past the marker which gives me plenty of time to get him to drop the rope of the buoy ball.  If not, I have to turn him with voice commands and send him out again.  When Hardee drops the buoy ball in the desired area, the judge raises her second arm.  Hardee DID, and the judge's second arm went up.  It was perfection!!!

I still didn't know if Hardee had passed or not because everything is timed and has time limits.  I didn't know if we had surpassed any of our time limits, and while Hardee made the long swim back to my boat, I worried.  As soon as I had Hardee boarded, the judge turned to the crowd and said (as far as I remember) "that's a new Courier Water Dog!"  I was absolutely thrilled!!!  I knew Hardee could do it.  He is just the best boy dog ever!!!  I cried while my boat rower rowed back to shore.  Then I sobbed as I hugged Jim, and then the judge (she was also crying).  It was a fabulous moment, one that I am very proud of, and once again, I am oh so proud of my wonderful, working boy.  Hardee brings so much joy to us!

As thrilled as we are about Hardee's success, we are having some issues with Hardee's health.  Even though he was only 5 years old when diagnosed, Hardee is 6 years, 7 months old tomorrow.  We've had 14 months of extra time with him, and we are so grateful for this.  We've spent well over 50 grand on his cancer care but would still do whatever it took to keep him here with us, as long as it didn't affect his quality of life too much.  We've had the time of our lives with Hardee.  Keep your fingers and paws crossed for Hardee and for us.

For as long as we can, it will always be all about joy and all about Hardee.

Thurs., Sept. 22, 2011 - End of summer

Today is the last day of summer and we are sad.  Summer brings many activities that we love, like swimming, water practices and water trials.  We won't miss the very hot temps that summer brings to Vegas, but we'll miss the fun.  Life as we know it currently, probably won't be the same next summer and I mourn next summer's activities that we will probably miss out on with our boy.

Hardee is good.  His nose drains constantly, but the drainage is something that is normal for us now.  His stamina has suffered from the cancer and the chemo and he tires easily, but his zest and joy for life has not been affected. 

Hardee's hair is getting long again.  I was going to groom Hardee last weekend and take his coat down short again because all the nasal drainage that gets stuck all over in his long hair, but I chickened out.  Hardee looks so handsome again with all his hair back finally, so I think I'll wait a while before I cut it off again.

We're going to Arizona this weekend for one last hurrah to summer.  We'll do some water practice, and then who knows where we will go from there.  Jim sprained his knee badly running Hardee in agility the first weekend in Sept., so agility is out for quite some time.  Jim also got laid off from his job, so we are free to just go.

Keep your fingers and paws crossed for us that Jim finds another job soon, and that our precious boy hangs in there with us.  We are 13.5 months post diagnosis and we are so grateful for this extra time together with Hardee.

Until next time, it is all about joy and all about Hardee.  I hope you all get one last hurrah to summer as well!